Stop and Start

That’s me, the queen of stopping and starting again.   I suppose (so, I tell myself) that dedication does not always come in a long unbroken chain.  We all have fits of downtime, hard time, or breaks in our stride.  Clearly many more are better than I am but I pride myself on (at the very least) my dedication to beginning again. 

So, here I am for the long haul.  I’m dedicated to writing.  I’m dedicated to my Dominant.  I’m dedicated to my son and my family.  Now, what am I going to do?

What I’m going to do has been the paramount question on my mind for months now.  My son’s life is here, my Sweetheart is now in Texas.  What do I do?  When I ask for others opinions, I get them.  But really I get that person’s point of view.  They don’t quite  understand how I am so the help doesn’t seem useful.  I dearly love them all for trying.  But bottom line, I will have to make a decision and no matter which way I go, it will break someone’s heart. 

My Daddy wants me with him and I want to be with him to have our amazing life together.  But to do that I must take my son away from all he’s known and his father.  How can I choose?

Several people say, just take your son, your Ex will just have to deal with it.  That feels so crass and heartless.  The words make me recoil.  Just because he’s an Ex and he did some pretty crappy things while being an active drunk doesn’t mean it’s ok to take his son away.  He got sober.  He’s been sober for years now.  He’s a completely dedicated father.  He is selfish and lacks insight when dealing with his son but is that just cause to lose his son’s proximity?

My Daddy is in Texas now.  He chose a position that will free him from his financial bonds.  It has allowed him to make up a huge chunk of ground he lost during the recession.  He wants financial stability for our future instead of a long struggle.  I totally understand that.  We can buy a house there, a nice house for all of us.

I want to be with him always.  I can’t think of missing him too much or I start crying and I can’t lose myself to that.  I’ve never loved someone like this before.  In all honesty, I loved my Ex but nothing like this.  Daddy and I have a connection unlike any I’ve ever felt.  He compliments me, the real me, like no other.  He is so intelligent he puts me to shame sometimes.  I love our banter.  I love that he picks up on things others do not.  He is funny and lighthearted then dark and intensely sexual. All the facets of him feed the facets in my heart and soul.  He loves my son for who he is.  My son has challenges and is deeply into his puberty at the moment but Daddy sees his goodness and overlooks his growing pains.  

When Daddy moved in we were able to grow in the direction of a nuclear family.  We achieved a routine of sorts in the short time we had together.  Family dinners most nights, playing games, the little things of a complete life. My son was so enamored of it.  So was I.  We were a complete family together.  Our D/s suffered in the transition but I knew we’d eventually figure that out.  We are both focused on not letting that ever slip away. 

Now I must choose.  How do I choose?  Either way my son suffers.  If I stay, he loses out on a nuclear family.  If I go, he will be distanced from his father and will most likely have to go through a legal battle which (knowing his father’s slowness to forgive) could stain their relationship forever. 

Daddy says he will wait for me no matter what it takes.  His level of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice rival any submissive act I could ever offer him.  How can I ask this beautiful man to wait years for me?  

So, there is my torture with all my angst and anxiety.  I have laid myself bare.  Any thoughts you have for us would be welcome.  

Beginning

My goal for today is to post each day.  Even if it’s just a few words.

Seasoned writers say, just get it on the page.  It may not be pretty or polished but that’s not the point.  The point is to be consistent. That is my lesson here.  Consistent dedication to my goals is my challenge.  So, this is today’s beginning. 

Writing a blog about a Dominant submissive relationship when it is going to become a long distance relationship is going to stretch my skills…as well as stretching my emotions and everything else that goes along with this. 

As long as I keep writing, I can get through this.  We can get through this.  I will continue to be as open as possible.  Writing will help us stay connected, stay bonded.  I will do whatever it takes to keep us together.  This is the beginning. 

I Want

He tweaks my nipple and I want him.  

He left to play golf many many miles away.

I want a facefucking in the worst way.

I want to be used, abused and taken.

I want his cock deep inside me.  

I want his fingers down my throat as he fucks me sore.

I want to be on my knees for him.

I want…

Immediacy

We had sex many times over the weekend.  Sunday, we ended up talking for half the day about open relationships and our relationship.  It was a very valuable talk.  We connected physically most of the weekend, it was a beautiful way to end our weekend by connecting through talk and communication.  

On Sunday night we usually go to bed early.  Mr. D gets up very early for work. We both knew when we started talking this meant we would not have time for sex. We snuggled up in bed.  I knew we’d go to sleep soon.

“Put your hand on my cock.” I had to obey but my mind balked.  But we have to sleep soon.  He has to get up in the morning.  He felt or sensed my hesitation. Suddenly, his demeanor changed. “Listen to me slut.  You are going to go down there and put your mouth on me.  You are going to get that cock hard enough for me to fuck you. Now.”

“Ok Daddy.”  My whole body reacted to his vehemence.  I shuddered and my pussy got wet.  I sat up and knelt by his side.  I sucked his cock into my mouth and started giving him head.  There was no finesse.  I was desperate to do as he commanded.  I had to get him hard.  

“Get that cock hard you little cock whore.  You want me to fuck you don’t you?  If you want to get fucked, get me hard.”  He was so forceful, so fast, I had no time to think.  I was panting with my need of him and so desperate to please. 

He pushed me off his cock, which was only half stiff by then.  “Not good enough my little cock whore, not even close.  Move.  Lick my asshole.” He flipped over and I got behind him.  I thrust my whole face into his ass and licked his tight asshole for all I was worth.  It was sweet from residual lube that must have trickled there when we fucked before.  I pushed my tongue in deep, doing everything I could to obey. 

“You’re my little cock whore aren’t you? You want my come, so you can be my little come slut too?”  

From behind him I whimpered and said, “Yes, Daddy!” He had me wound so tight with his quick fire commands and dirty names. I would have done anything he told me to do.

“Get those pants off and get on your back.” I dropped my pajama pants and quickly laid on the bed.  He got between my legs and pushed his cock fully to the hilt. He fucked me hard and fast.  No quarter was asked for or given.  He looked down at my tank top blocking his view of my tits and ripped it in half. 

“Are you my whore? My dirty cock whore?”

“Yes, Daddy! I am, I’m your whore…your cock whore.” This was new, he’d never called me that before but it was driving me wild.

“Do you want my come you dirty, little, come slut? Whether you do or not, I’m going to fill you with my seed.” He thrust harder and faster, my tits bouncing for him with each thrust.  The shock waves ran over my body, my breasts rolling like the tide.

“Please Daddy!  Fill me with your come!  I need it!”

He grabbed my neck with a grip so strong I gasped. He squeezed and I squeaked as my panicked cry was forced out the little space I had left to breathe.  His fucking sped up to a blinding pace.  Just as I thought I’d pass out, he shot his hot load into me.  

He released my neck as he cried out strong and deep, his orgasm breaking over us both.