Why?

Why is it when I’ve had a trying day that I want Him? I want him to hold me and love me. Also, though, I want him to beat me. I want the pain to bloom across my ass. I want the rushing heat to banish any other thought. I want the world beyond his reach to cease. I want to feel and live for only him.

That is what I want.

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Empty Days, Full Nights

Freedom awaits

Alone together

Cloistered with Him

Disruptions ceased
 

Walking the tether

His dominance beckons

Aching with a fervor

Desire paramount
 

His will not mine

Mists of sinewy need

Bind and ensnare

Breathless distraction
 

Debased and supplicant

Throbbing and yearning

Petitioning to serve

Whore for pleasure
 

Emotion flourishes

Pain blossoms

Monster unleashed

Exalted in torture

 
Please, I pray

Take, I beg

Use, I entreat

Your will, I serve

Dedication

black-woman

I am dedicated to Daddy.  I want with all my heart to be all that he wants and needs in a submissive, a wife, a slave and a woman.  I hope that with everything I do that I honor my dedication to him, that I honor him in thought, word and deed.

This week I failed him.  I promised to write and I failed to do so.  He was away in Berlin and it would have been the best time to write for him.  To give him a taste of his home and his girl while he was so far away.  I failed him in that.  Why do I fail? My focus drifted to other things.  I was hyper-focused on cleaning out my closet.  I’m worried that we’ll not have enough room for all his things and mine when we move in together.  So, I took everything out of the one closet bit by bit and went through it.  I’m not nearly done.  I want to scan old photos so they will no longer take up space.  I want to make some photo albums of special photos.  I took out two years of filing I had avoided for too long.  I bought a filing cabinet and shredded and filed until there was nothing left but one organized cabinet. I did my taxes.

I was distracted from my main desire, to please Daddy. I know I get distracted.  I get tunnel vision on one task and other equally important tasks fall by the wayside. When Daddy asked for me to write, I wanted to write.  I knew I wanted to please him and I promised.  Still I didn’t write.  My muse felt so silent and cold. Daddy arrived home from Berlin and I was so happy I’d be able to see him.  He texted that he’d arrive and I was to wear a skirt and no panties.  He told me that I would feel his passion and his displeasure.  That I would be punished and asked if I knew why.  Oh, yes, I knew.  I knew very well.  He said, even though we would be having family time that he would find time during the evening to make me feel his heat and I would be punished. Even as I felt the guilt from my actions, my heart sang that he cared so much for me and for my writing.  I felt a wave of need for him so white hot.  Maybe I should be afraid of punishment but it feels like home, it feels like caring, it lets me know his desires and that our dynamic is important to him.

Silhouette is in the public domain

Desperation

I am fine.  The title is more a thought I’ve been thinking about rather than actually having.   I have a gnawing ache for Daddy to put me in subspace.  It’s been a very long time.  It was the night we went to see a concert and it happened right before we had to leave.  It was a taste of subspace out of place and at the wrong time.  But then that’s part of it…that I can’t control it.  When he is hard and unrelenting, commanding and mean, I gasp and fear and slide right off into subspace. His dark side takes a vice-like grip of my psyche and they dance, his dark side and my vulnerable little girl.

Daddy leaves today for a week.  Prior to this I was gone for two weeks.  Our play had taken a back seat to life.  I look forward to next weekend.  We’ll have time together.  It may not be D/s time because we have holiday plans but at least it will be us together. I love my time with him no matter what we do.  Just this morning though, my mind was on flying.  My Honey is on a plane and my mind turns to desperate thoughts of flying through the ethers in his control.

Addiction

I have Saturday’s scenario to write about but all I can think about right now is Mr. D taking me to another place. It’s kind of insane how much my body and mind aches for his Dominance. I want him constantly. It dulls down when life is difficult and my plate is very full but then I am in his presence again. I have him around me and the aching need comes over me like a wave of heat. I do my best to be a good girlfriend and a good person, taking care of regular life duties. Deep inside, though, I have this desire to be his little slave and bow to him and serve him and to give all my body and soul to him.

I want this because his touch and his Dominance on me feel like a drug. I feel that addictive sensation of wanting nothing more than to be his little play thing and do whatever he commands, whatever he deems worthy and will thrill him. I’ve always known I’m submissive but this feels like something more. He burns a wildfire in me that I’ve never felt. His darkness makes my heart sing. His touch and his strength fill me with heat and with dread and with wantonness that continues to flourish and grow.

Hungry

Do you ever wake up hungry?  Today, I woke up with a hunger for him.  As if my body knew before I was awake that I would see him tonight.

Slick wetness glistens over my sex and I notice its presence there as I’m getting ready for the day.

Images of skin and curves being ravaged by masculine hands and lips assault my mind.

The ever-present sensation of his touch on my soul is heightened and vivid. Why is my heat so prevalent from minute one this morning?

My female essence is fired as is by a kiln and only his touch will assuage the hunger beneath the lava flow.

When I close my eyes my being is rocked by my passion for the sight and feel of him that thunder across my inner playground.

Let the hours fly, let Helios whip his stallions and thrust his sun chariot across the sky post-haste!

Fun and Games

Last night we were with friends.  They are friends so close they are family. Mr. D used to live with them but now we are six hours drive away from them.  We came out for the weekend to enjoy each other’s company.  I’m truly blessed to be welcomed into this group.  They are amazing, open, fun people.  They are family as much as my own are to me now.

Last night we had fun drinking, eating and chunky dunking in the jacuzzi. Four ladies and one man chose to strip down and enjoy the hot tub.  We laughed and joked and talked about everything.  It was the best.  Mr. D sat on the side lines listening and joining in.  One of the ladies was doling out Patron shots with a pineapple juice chaser.  What an ingenious idea.  The pineapple cuts all the alcohol taste. You have to try it.

So, as things go, a couple of drinks later and I’m was seriously horny for Mr. D.  Talking with the girls and sharing pictures of gorgeous men only ramped up my general need for his attentions more.  I went over to where he was sitting alone by then and kissed him,  I sat next to him and took his hand.  The desire was overwhelming, I had to have something of him in my mouth. I sucked on his fingers and bit him a little.   The alcohol increased my horniness factor exponentially, it always does.  I rarely drink to the point of being tipsy but this was a special night. He was having none of it.  His voice fell hard on my ears but I didn’t immediately hear him. “On my terms, little girl.” I kept sucking his finger until he gripped my chin and made me look in his eyes.  “I said, on my terms.” I felt rebuffed.

I was slightly tipsy and a little shaken.  I hadn’t expected him to leave the party for me, I just wanted him and was showing it.  My sex soaked mind hadn’t thought any further than that.  I felt his power then and it was uncomfortable.  I took myself inside so I could regroup.  I want this, I want his dominance.  You don’t ask someone to take control and then argue with how they choose to wield that power.

I visited our one friend who was upstairs not feeling well.  We sat and watched TV and talked for a little bit. I felt myself relax and return to my normal happy self.  It is Mr. D’s prerogative to do as he sees appropriate for us.  I know following someone else’s lead can’t always be erotic or easy.  To accept his lead I need to accept it even when it is uncomfortable. So, I rejoined the party and enjoyed the rest of the night with family.

Addendum:

This blogging has proven very valuable to our relationship. It allows more communication than would normally happen.  I wrote three blog posts the other night on our drive home about different topics.  This one was the second.

After we got home Mr. D read them.  We talked about all three.  The first one, I’ll keep the conversation between us except to say that Mr. D wants us to evolve and try many things.  He even said if Daddy baby girl isn’t a fit for us we’ll try other something else.  On this one, the second, he set me straight.  When he had said, “On my terms” he had simply wanted me to ask permission first.  He wasn’t saying no.  Now I know to ask for clarification.

The third writing, I left out some details and rembered something inaccurately.  I’ve rewritten that post.  Sometimes, okay most times, I’m so engulfed on our play that I don’t remember everything.  I hope my ‘Cliff Notes’ version of our play elicites enough interest for you to keep reading and enjoying our dynamic with us.