Today, tomorrow and the days after

I want to write and share my thoughts. I’ve felt stifled for a while. I’m not really sure why. So, I’ll just write a bit and hope to come back to it again. I always do eventually.

I started college again. One of these days I’ll have my degree. I’m 60% done with a summer course. It’s been about 8 years since the last time I took a class. I only have about 5 classes left to finish my degree. So, one class at a time. I’ll get there.

Mr. D and I are doing fine. I’m too busy and he’s dealing with a pain in the ass boss at work so the combo isn’t the best place our relationship has been. But we’re doing ok.

My son is in a bad place. Teenage years. Ugh. Enough said, this blog isn’t about that.

Nothing out of the ordinary to report on the sexual front. We have sex. I think we have good sex. I enjoy it. I just haven’t felt like it’s something to share. Not sure why. There has been play sessions and some hot sessions. Maybe it’s married sex, fun for us but really similar to many other times we’ve had sex. So, it’s not earth-shattering writing material. I think writing…passionate writing…takes gasping, spasming newness. That initial high of subspace, that crazy stupid insane shit you do when it’s all new and you’re high on each other, that kind of material.

I think I need to learn how to write the long-haul subtleties…the beauty of constancy. I miss writing. I miss my submission.

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Good Morning

I know, I have been gone a loooong time. Vanilla life has taken over. Mr. D and I are both so busy with work and I’m now homeschooling my son. It doesn’t make for a hot bed of scintillating storytelling.

He and I both miss it. We need a way back to having time for us. I know it can be done, I’m just not sure of the steps yet. I feel like using AA slogans. One day at a time. Fake it ’til you make it. Is a lagging D/s dynamic an appropriate life issue to quote AA? Doubtful.

We did have a couple sessions when we went on a weekender to say goodbye to Frenchie. I got spankings for my birthday. Mr. D made me count by 7’s to get my total spankings. I’ll let you decide what age is divisible by seven. Ha!

Mr. D has been making a case for me to carry my new floggers and my old ones, one pair he bought me and one pair he made for me. I think about practicing with them and using them on some willing victim. Yes, I’m submissive but I think with practice I could ride the middle line a bit. A little switching in my future? Yes, maybe so.

For all this, time will tell.

Grumpy needy horny

The problem with having a sex blog is you have nothing much to write when you aren’t having sex. 

I could write about the sex I want to have when I see Daddy again.  Okay, that’s a good idea. Or I could write some fiction.  Maybe. It would be a good exercise of my writing skills.  Though, lately I’ve read several erotic fiction stories that were eh.  I don’t want to write eh.  

The emotions Daddy inspires are visceral, it makes it easy to write about our time together.  That is the kind of writing I like, when it comes out of me in one big rush of heat and steam. 

So, at the moment I’m dealing with some parenting issues, decorating for Christmas and thinking about painting.  We’ll see how the writing works out.  

Stay tuned.

Beginning

My goal for today is to post each day.  Even if it’s just a few words.

Seasoned writers say, just get it on the page.  It may not be pretty or polished but that’s not the point.  The point is to be consistent. That is my lesson here.  Consistent dedication to my goals is my challenge.  So, this is today’s beginning. 

Writing a blog about a Dominant submissive relationship when it is going to become a long distance relationship is going to stretch my skills…as well as stretching my emotions and everything else that goes along with this. 

As long as I keep writing, I can get through this.  We can get through this.  I will continue to be as open as possible.  Writing will help us stay connected, stay bonded.  I will do whatever it takes to keep us together.  This is the beginning. 

Daddy’s Day

I love Mr. D so much.  We have change coming.  Daddy had been offered a job in another state.  He found out about it on Friday.  It is a great opportunity.  He’s been in many states, I’ve always lived in one place.  He is my life now.  Where ever we go, we go together. 

This morning while we were having sex Daddy said, “We are one. Say it.”

“We are one Daddy.”

“That’s right.”

I love him desperately, wholly and always.  I have not had a love like this before.  

I think of myself as strong.  I can do anything, handle whatever comes.  I worry about the loves in my life.  I want Daddy fulfilled, I want my son happy and growing into a man and I want all my family happy and around me.

This Father’s Day I will honor my Father and Daddy in different ways.  My Dad will have his kids around him and my cooking.  Daddy will have me.  I will be his and take a deep breath and we’ll figure out where our lives go next…together.

Balls in the Air

There are too many, I can’t catch them all.  My son is beside me watching YouTube on his phone.  Poignant things, sad things, hard things and funny things play in sound and video.  

My head pounds for day three of a lovely headache.  I have accomplished a lot this week, truly.  Work is shaping up.  A large project is completing.  My son needed help all last night and this morning.  Mr. D moves in soon.  All is well, all is fine.

I am so tired every night.  I wonder about my arthritis sometimes. Am I tired to exhaustion every afternoon because of that?  Am I fighting the disease without knowing it?  It’s managed with meds so I can’t really tell when it’s flaring but it feels like it is.  

Time to relax and let go.  Time to rest.

Consistency

Consistency isn’t one if my best traits.  I do try very hard to stay consistent.  I know it’s a battle for me so I put a lot of effort towards it.  This lack in my character lends to spontaneity, interest in new things and some other beneficial traits but still I know it’s one of my downfalls.

One time I had a job interview.  They gave me a test.  When I met the HR Director afterwards, I asked her about it.  She told me that the test indicated I needed to be challenged.  I would be great in the position for about 18 months, would perform it better than most but then I’d grow bored and she’d be looking for someone new.  I have always remembered that each time I get that antsy feeling at work.  I’m 10 years in my current position but it’s different all the time so I guess I found my niche.

This behavior spills over into other  parts of my life too.  I don’t always care to cook dinner every night.  But I love cooking for special occasions. I write volumes and then not at all.  I paint many paintings then take a ten year break.  But I know what my downfall is and I continue to work to be consistent.  

One day at a time.  One morning at a time.  One journal entry at a time.  One, one, one.

Happy Wednesday.