15224320290_3fb112b74d_hYesterday, I texted Mr. D that after having to make some hard decisions about my parent in the hospital, I was feeling fragile.  I was scheduled to be with him all this weekend and wasn’t sure how I would be. I had felt like crying off and on all day Friday and held it together for work and child but when you don’t have any downtime you don’t have any time to grieve.

When I got to his place, I found out that he had shopped and cooked all afternoon so that we had dinner and food for the weekend.  He didn’t want to leave anything to chance, not having been through a ‘fragile’ time with me.  I love this man so much.  I was deeply touched that he put so much effort in making sure everything was perfect for me.  I didn’t have to think of anything.  I walked in and he had dinner ready for us.

A dear friend had run errands for me and made my prep time before coming to Mr. D’s much easier.  Instead of running around, I was done early and had a chance to dress in sexy clothes for Mr. D.  I have felt bad that lately I’ve been so immersed in hospital life that I have shirked my desire to be beautiful for him. So, I had a relaxing shower and put on a sexy outfit for Mr. D.  I did my makeup and felt like his girl inside out. (He took pics, maybe I’ll share them if I get to see them.)

After dinner he said he had something planned. He had me strip and sit in the middle of the bed. He turned the lights down and put on this amazing Japanese instrumental music. It was reed flutes and drums, gorgeous emotionally stimulating and sensual music. Then he sat behind me so that I leaned up against his body. He had a mask on me but decided against it and just told me to keep my eyes closed. I felt his warmth and his body supporting mine.  I could smell the heady scent of candles.  Then I felt rope.

It trailed across my naked skin.  First across my neck, then down my chest until it encircled a breast.  The atmosphere and his touch consumed and lulled my mind.  My eyes were closed so I felt every touch of his hands and the rope on me, controlling me.  He trailed the across my belly and down my body.  Then it was around my wrists, binding my hands together.  One place after another on my body felt the touch of the rope.  His hands on my neck lifting my chin then the rope would restrict me there.  Each place would feel the rope then be released.  His hands and the rope were seducing me into a soft place where I floated within the circle of care.  His voice, his touch, his control were my everything.

He was the touchstone to my need, he fulfilled the desire I did not know I had.

To watch this method of rope play, look here.

Image from breathtakingly through CC2.0 with attribution and found on Flickr.

Being Daddy

 I held onto my calm for about two days. Being told a parent quite possibly can’t breathe on their own anymore took a toll.  

I ended with with a dinner party at my house last night because it just worked better at my place.  But I tried to get to the hospital all day and didn’t make it.  By the evening, prepping dinner, I wasn’t in a good place.

We ate and my friends were understanding when I cut the evening short.  I just couldn’t focus on anything else. 

Daddy stepped in and stayed at my place with my child so I could go to the hospital.  I was concerned because it was already late and he can’t sleep without a c-pap, because of sleep apnea.  But he assured me they’d be fine.

I was distressed and sad.  Daddy gave me a hug and I just didn’t want to let go.  I felt the tears coming.  I have been in caregiver mode up until now so I haven’t cried really at all. I still need to do that I guess.  My boss told me it’s good to do that otherwise your grief comes shooting out sideways in a way you don’t expect.  That sounds pretty wise.

Anyhow, life intrudes big time on lifestyle at the moment.  Daddy was my savior last night for staying all evening at my place.  I came home and he was still up reading.  He had changed into a tank and shorts.  I wanted him as soon as I saw him.  He has big shoulders and a sexy tattoo, so seeing him in a tank just makes me squirm.

We cuddled and talked.  Then he started tickling me and made me laugh and squirm in an entirely different way.  I love him so much for making my night end with fun. 

Image from Pixabay under CC Public Domain