Comeuppance

“Come on people, are we ready for another day of drunken debauchery at the pool?” Daddy said aloud to the room; while he and I sat on the couch ready to go.  We were waiting for the everyone else to get their suits on. 

“She’s not,” I heard Goddess say as she walked into the room. “She’ll probably just disobey orders again like yesterday.” I felt my stomach fall to my toes even as I tried to laugh at the joke she made at my expense.

Daddy’s razor sharp gaze whipped around to me as her words hung in the air. “What do you mean, she disobeyed?” He spoke to her while his eyes stayed riveted to me.

“You told her to drink up but she said, I don’t have to because Daddy’s not here right now.” Goddess’ eyes twinkled and danced with mischief as she spoke and walked off to the nearby kitchen. 

Daddy’s eyes bored into me as the smile on my face faltered.  “Is this true? Did you say that?”

I tried to keep my mood playful but I was on the edge of a very precarious cliff. There was nothing to do but jump. I looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I did.”

I don’t have to because Daddy’s not here right now? Really?” His hand moved like lightning and gripped my neck like a vise. He had me pinned to the couch, my head back, my body frozen in place…waiting for what came next. “What is that baby girl?”

“Defiance.” I said.  I had disobeyed. I had been pressed to it, by Goddess, sure, but it was my action and I had to own it. 

“Yes, defiance.” Daddy’s hand gripped my neck tighter and his face pressed close to mine. He was intimidating me with his power and his presence.  Everyone else in the room fell away.  I felt only him, I saw only him, he was the length, breadth and width of my world.

His lips hovered over mine. My breath was stuck in my throat below his granite-like grip. He hesitated a moment, his eyes held a question.  Ultimately, he said, “I like it.”  I was surprised but relieved and something else too.

“Get in the bedroom.” He released me and I fell from the couch with a faltering gait. I got up from the floor and into the bedroom.

“Strip.” I did as told quickly but my mind was still reeling.  He liked it?

He pushed me onto the bed. “Feel that?” His hand crushed mine to his hard cock.  I nodded.  He was most definitely turned on by the chain of events.

“You are mine.  I own you.” He said. “What does that make you?”

“Your slut.  Your whore.” I said as he mounted me.

“That’s right. My disobedient little whore.” He thrust deep into me, claiming me.  His hand held my neck tightly, his wrist bracing on my chest such that I had bruising there for a few days afterwards. He took me then and made it clear who owned whom and who was to be obeyed.

I fondly pressed my fingers to the sore spot on my chest for the days following.  His level of fierce dominance makes my blood hot and my pussy wet.  It sets me on fire just thinking about it now.

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Down

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Now, I’ve done the one thing I never wanted to do.  I hurt Daddy.  I didn’t communicate and now I’ve hurt the one person that I should have put above all others.  Why can’t I communicate like I should?

What stops me from doing the right thing immediately?  I want to please everyone, I don’t want to hurt anyone and yet I seem to do just that. I hurt Daddy and I feel like the worst person on earth.

Why is this so hard?  Why am I so broken?  How can I make amends and more importantly, what can I do to handle things right in the first place?

Breaking Rules

Protocols help deepen the dynamic of our power exchange. We only have a few rules or protocols so far. I kneel to Mr. D soon after I arrive at his home. In this way, I honor him and acknowledge my submission to him. I am also required to ask permission before I leave his side to go down on him. Actually, that rule is more accurately that I must ask for permission to suck his cock. I may not do so on a whim. He has to give permission in this matter. I must voice my desire and wait for him to grant permission. Sometimes, he says no. Being told ‘no’ has a lot of power in it for me.

The night before Mr. D left on a week long business trip we were both tired. I arrived late to his home and he had to get up at 3am to catch a plane. We did not have much time or energy for dynamics. At times like these the lifestyle takes a back seat to life in general.

After we talked a moment and Mr. D rose from his chair to use the bathroom, it was my cue to kneel and wait for him. We were getting right into bed after I arrived. For some reason I hesitated. I suppose because it felt like a non-dynamic evening. Still, I stood there thinking about kneeling but then didn’t. He came out and we got into bed like nothing was missing. When you don’t do something you’re required to do and there are no consequences, I wonder what gets us back on track? Like going to the gym or taking care of our health. There is a very long term consequence of poor health but in the short term? In the short term, you get to be lazy, you don’t have to go to the gym. So, it feels easier. Real life doesn’t always give us the immediate consequences of our actions. Do I expect Mr. D to hold me to my promises? Is it his responsibility or mine? I wonder about this in relation to a power dynamic. If no one holds you to the law, is there a law…is there a dynamic in place?

As we were cuddling, he asked me to put my hand on his cock. Prior to that, I wasn’t sure if he wanted sex. As I caressed him, the need to have him in my mouth grew as it always does. 

“Do you want to suck it, girl?” He asked.

“Yes, I do Daddy.” He knows I do. I always do.

He buried his hand in my hair and gripped it tight as an exclamation point to these words, “You may have the choice not to kneel and you may get away with that tonight but if you want to suck my cock, you know the rules and you will follow them. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, Daddy.” I gasped. I felt a wave of relief and joy run through me. He hadn’t missed that I did not kneel. It does matter to him. I could have cried right then. I had no idea how important it was that I not get away with poor behavior. I didn’t even realize that I was testing our dynamic at all. But being reprimanded in even that small way made me feel his power and his dominance in a way I desperately needed right then.

I can’t describe properly what being his submissive means to me but I crave it like nothing else in this world.

Injury

I feel like a bad partner.  We thought Mr. D was fully healed but last night we had sex before going out to an event.  I wanted him so badly I practically begged him because it would put us late and I just didn’t care about that.  So, we had fast sex, which was so great.  If I haven’t seen him for a few days I just get wound tight and I’ll do anything to have him inside me.

Sadly, though, his skin tore a little.  He has a sensitive spot that keeps tearing.  I looked it up online and there must be a tiny bit of scar tissue there that keeps ripping when we have sex.  So, ugh.  I think maybe we should let it heal all the way and I should massage the area to try to make the tissue pliable again. Either way, we need to use lube for a while to help the situation.

So, when we returned from the event we knew better than to do anything again.  But was I good?  Nope!  He started touching my neck, putting a light choke hold on me to torment me and damn it I couldn’t stop him.  I went into full sub mode, I don’t seem to have an ounce of control around him. I thought, Okay, he’s teasing me.  we’re trying new things lately, he’s talking to me and touching me, this won’t go further. Next thing I know his hands are inside me and I’m writhing under his fingers. I’m soaked and then he’s on top of me.  I froze.  I knew it would hurt him and so when he pushed into me I dried up.  Can my body really read my damned mind that fast?  Seriously.  

But then he was inside me and my little rebel body didn’t listen to me and I responded to him.  He began to fuck me.  My mind was all over the place.  Slipping into that passionate fuzzy space where all I want is more alternating with nurse mentality watching for any wince from him.  

Shortly he stopped.  “Damn, it stings.”  

I’m worthless to help this situation.  I’m going to have to tie my damned thighs together, I swear.

In Trouble

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After writing today’s post about sharing and threesomes, I got so hot that I texted Mr. D telling him how much I wanted him to do dirty things to me.  I had that scenario I wrote in my head and I couldn’t get it off my sex-addled mind.  The only problem is Mr. D was in the middle of teaching a technical class at work.  He texted back that he was sitting in front of his class with a hard on.  Ooops!  I knew better and I completely forgot where he was and what he was doing.  I’m in so much trouble.

How do you apologize to your Dom for errant, poorly timed hard-on inspiring texts?  If only men could hide the effects of their ardor like women can.  We don’t have the same problems as men in that department.

Do you think, “Rookie mistake by the woman from Venus…sorry man from Mars.” will work?  Yeah, me neither.

Images used under Creative Commons Public Domain by Théodore Chasseriau