We are both in the middle of packing and moving. Life is too much and too busy right now. In quieter moments, I think about how we will be together soon. How we will live together. In those moments I ache for him. I want to kneel for him, I want to honor him and serve him. I want to be his baby girl.

Only during the times he is on my mind do I feel my desire and need. It’s like a faucet that is off but when I turn it on a flood comes out. I ache, I twist and bend with the thoughts I have of serving his desires.

I want to be his plaything again. I want to be his arm candy and his slut. I want to feel his eyes devouring me and his body on mine. I want to be his wanton toy, his sex doll.

Damn, I want so much.


The other night Daddy and I had some unexpected alone time.  Living together has been amazing but one change is that I see Daddy every day not just the times I’m free from parenting.  So, having alone time together is just as much a ‘thing’ as it was before but different somehow.  Now, I get to see him every day but not every day is sexual time.  Now, all our time is together.  One result of this is we can’t have sex every time the mood strikes, another is we’re not missing each other so desperately by the time we get to be alone.

I long for our alone time.  Monday while we were having sex, I got so turned on and so wound up.  I felt really close to subspace without any dominance pushing me there. I felt that frenzy of need.  Looking back, I think it was a matter of seeing Daddy all week but not having that sexual time whenever we want it.  It is like a slow burn.  It resides in the background until a match is lit.


I am fine.  The title is more a thought I’ve been thinking about rather than actually having.   I have a gnawing ache for Daddy to put me in subspace.  It’s been a very long time.  It was the night we went to see a concert and it happened right before we had to leave.  It was a taste of subspace out of place and at the wrong time.  But then that’s part of it…that I can’t control it.  When he is hard and unrelenting, commanding and mean, I gasp and fear and slide right off into subspace. His dark side takes a vice-like grip of my psyche and they dance, his dark side and my vulnerable little girl.

Daddy leaves today for a week.  Prior to this I was gone for two weeks.  Our play had taken a back seat to life.  I look forward to next weekend.  We’ll have time together.  It may not be D/s time because we have holiday plans but at least it will be us together. I love my time with him no matter what we do.  Just this morning though, my mind was on flying.  My Honey is on a plane and my mind turns to desperate thoughts of flying through the ethers in his control.

Missing Him

I just published a post I had written the day after the attacks on Paris.  It never posted that day for some reason.  Probably because everyone on the planet was checking on family over the Internet. It’s pretty amazing that so many people were able to let their loved ones know they were safe through social media like Facebook.  What an amazing gift.

Anyhow, I came here tonight to post my feelings and got distracted by the Paris post.  I’m finally home and so happy to be here.  I have my son with me and he’s been getting over his withdrawals from two weeks without mom. At the same time, I haven’t had any time with Mr. D until today.  We’ve seen each other twice but those times have been with my son and not alone time.

I feel like I was given a tiny bit of the drug that keeps me living.  I’m not sure if I would have been better off going cold turkey a few more days or if it helped.  I want more of him.  I can feel a hollow place where he lives and fills my heart.  I need him in some visceral way.  Please let it be Tuesday very, very soon.

10 Minutes

All I want right now is 10 minutes with him.  Okay, actually I want a full evening session of bondage, rope, spankings, dominance and the whole variety of things he’s shown me a hankering for but I’ll take 10 minutes.  Actually, scratch that.  I just want him.  Nothing fancy, nothing extra, just him naked…me naked…and friction.  That’s all I’m asking!  That’s all I want!

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled broadcast. 🙂

“Take Me To Church”

My lover’s got humour
She’s the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody’s disapproval
I should’ve worshipped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak
She’s the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week

‘We were born sick, ‘ you heard them say it

My Church offers no absolutes
She tells me, ‘Worship in the bedroom.’
The only heaven I’ll be sent to
Is when I’m alone with you—

I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

If I’m a pagan of the good times
My lover’s the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That’s a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We’ve a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work

Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

Something about this song strikes a chord with me. My choice is to worship at the shrine of his need. Nothing fulfills the soul more than a deep, raw, visceral connection with your One. Religion pales, work pales, the passion that ignites between us makes the whole damned world recede. Nothing more to distract, nothing left to separate his skin from my touch.


Rambling Again

Lust, desire unabated
Longing coursing through me
Staunchly checked
Biding time until she is with me
Biting my tongue
Never pressuring her for time
Constrained is her world
Time is limited
Responsibilities demanding
I am her down time
Her solace and respite
I miss her presence
I want her laughter; her light
I find things to occupy me
Yet always the onus is on her
But I defer
No pressure, never that
In her time
I look at her pictures
I read her words
I close my eyes and taste her
I sense her touch with my mind
And wait…
It is always the same when she comes to me
She appears and within minutes I take her
Claiming her mine and marking her
Ensuring my scent is on her
Only then am I able to escape the longing and need
I drink deeply from her and am refreshed
I am dehydrated, parched, or desperately thirsty
Quench me Lover, please

Deep Throat

untitledMr. D’s other desire is for me to learn how to deep throat him.  He began pushing me down further when I would give him head.  When I realized that he wanted into the back of my mouth I started pushing harder when I would suck on him.  At first, I thought I was doing as he wanted.  But at some point he shared with me that if I push down on him that hard his shaft pushes into his body at the base and it’s uncomfortable.  So, now what?  I started sucking him more into my mouth with suction and then gently pushing him towards my throat.  It’s better but I can’t seem to get him actually into my throat that way.  He is quite girthy and each time I try to open my mouth that wide it seems like my throat feels strained and the opening is smaller.  I have tried kneeling between his legs, kneeling from the side and once I approached from slightly over his belly.  I turn my mouth this way and that but to no avail.  Once, two weeks ago, amazingly the head of his penis popped into my throat from a weird side angle.  I haven’t been able to reproduce it but that was the ticket!

A few weeks ago, after one of my attempts, Mr. D told me to lie down on the bed.  I heard rustling around in the toy drawer and wondered what he was looking for.  I expected that he’d want to be on top of me right then.  Soon, I had an answer.  He mounted me and as he slid inside me I saw that he had a dildo in his hand.  I was divided.  Right as he slid inside me I wanted to close my eyes to enjoy the pleasure but there was the dildo hovering there and a look on Mr. D’s face.  It was his dark look.  When I see that I know with no uncertainty that I’m in for something harsher.

As he began to fuck me he took my head in his other hand.  He cradled me at the base of my neck and lifted the dildo to my mouth.  “Open,” he said.  I complied and he inserted the dildo all the way into my mouth until it was down my throat.  I had to breathe very carefully and relax immediately if I didn’t want to choke on it.  “Feel that?” I nodded my head.  “That’s how it feels.  That’s what I need from you. Can you do that?” I nodded again.  Oh my, how intense.  To deep throat a dildo by force with Daddy looking into my eyes and his cock buried deep inside me just about sent me over the edge.  The level of domination he had over me in that moment was beyond intoxicating.  Just thinking about it makes me wet again.  He’s done that a couple times since then and every time it elicits the same response from me.  It is raw, it is intense and I want more.

Image from Wikipedia used under CC Public Domain.


This is an off the cuff post. I ache for Mr. D so badly this morning. I’m at work texting him. I should probably let the Man focus on work. I know I should be focused on my work. But, ugh, when the need and the craving for him sets in sometimes it’s like a wildfire. I can’t put it out and blowing on it just makes it burn hotter.

How do you quench the flames when all you really want to do is burn baby burn? I want to wallow in the insanity. Like a shark in a feeding frenzy, I want to roll in the heady scent of it and be consumed.