Do You Want a Beating?

Daddy and I were home alone on a weekend.  He was leaving on a plane the next day and the separation loomed in front of us.

I told him I wanted to get drunk and massage him.  He was amenable to the idea.  Not that I need to be drunk to give a massage.  I always love touching him.  But there is a place I can slip into with just a slight buzz.  A physical, sexual place where I can close my eyes and just feel.  It is somethig akin to subspace, a different level of consciousness. 

We had a drink and Daddy was smoking a cigar.  We were out on our patio enjoying each other.  I felt too far from him sitting in the other chair and took the cushion from mine, putting it between his knees on the concrete. I knelt before him and wrapped my arms around his belly.  My safe place.  My rightful place in this world, at his feet.

I felt so many emotions there close to him.  I felt love and heat.  I felt the fear of losing him in this move.  I felt submissive and I wanted to have his cock in my mouth.  All these desires and feelings and fear fought to overwhelm me.  Yet I looked up to him when beckoned. 

“Mine.” He said.  Claiming what is his.  

“Yes Daddy, yours.” I smiled with the heat of my love apparent.  

 “What do you want baby girl?” 

“May I suck your cock Daddy?” I needed him.

“Yes, you may but first I want you to go put in the medium plug.” I nodded and rose from my position.  I went to our bathroom and applied lube to the medium anal plug.  I knelt at the sink and inserted it slowly.  I felt it stretch me wide then it was in.

I returned to Daddy and knelt again at his feet. He pulled down his shorts as I knelt further down.  I rolled my tongue around his already growing girth. That’s what I love, what I needed.  I lost myself in the taste, the smell, the texture of him in my mouth. I pulled him all the way into the back of my throat.  I sucked him until I gagged for air then I pulled back.  I looked up at him with a mouthful of cock. We made eye contact.  I feel vulnerable, so incredibly vulnerable like that but I forced myself to look up to him, to be seen in the act of pleasing him.  

Little did I know that he had taken pictures of me right before. He showed them to me later.  I looked entranced. I really loved the pictures actually.

After a while I pulled back to catch my breath.  “Do you want to a beating baby girl?”  I nodded yes.  I desperately needed one.  “Then rise and go inside.”

He knows what I need even when I don’t. 

Advertisements

Longing

The other night Daddy and I had some unexpected alone time.  Living together has been amazing but one change is that I see Daddy every day not just the times I’m free from parenting.  So, having alone time together is just as much a ‘thing’ as it was before but different somehow.  Now, I get to see him every day but not every day is sexual time.  Now, all our time is together.  One result of this is we can’t have sex every time the mood strikes, another is we’re not missing each other so desperately by the time we get to be alone.

I long for our alone time.  Monday while we were having sex, I got so turned on and so wound up.  I felt really close to subspace without any dominance pushing me there. I felt that frenzy of need.  Looking back, I think it was a matter of seeing Daddy all week but not having that sexual time whenever we want it.  It is like a slow burn.  It resides in the background until a match is lit.

Desperation

I am fine.  The title is more a thought I’ve been thinking about rather than actually having.   I have a gnawing ache for Daddy to put me in subspace.  It’s been a very long time.  It was the night we went to see a concert and it happened right before we had to leave.  It was a taste of subspace out of place and at the wrong time.  But then that’s part of it…that I can’t control it.  When he is hard and unrelenting, commanding and mean, I gasp and fear and slide right off into subspace. His dark side takes a vice-like grip of my psyche and they dance, his dark side and my vulnerable little girl.

Daddy leaves today for a week.  Prior to this I was gone for two weeks.  Our play had taken a back seat to life.  I look forward to next weekend.  We’ll have time together.  It may not be D/s time because we have holiday plans but at least it will be us together. I love my time with him no matter what we do.  Just this morning though, my mind was on flying.  My Honey is on a plane and my mind turns to desperate thoughts of flying through the ethers in his control.

Spaced Out

 Saturday something happened. Something I couldn’t control. Something that spun me. I’ll tell you about it.

After our picnic on the couch, we were relaxing and enjoying the house.  We planned to leave for our shuttle in about a half hour so we had a little time though not really enough to fully play.

We talked a little about the sex shop we had visited on the way up. While at the sex shop we had looked at collars.  He had said he wasn’t sure about putting one on me because it would inhibit his access to that dangerous spot on my neck that he uses to torment me. He held up a collar to my neck as an example and bit me there unexpectedly.  It startled me, more than I’d like to admit. 

Now again, on the couch, he decided to torment me. He kissed me fervently then he put a finger under my chin to force it up so that I extended my neck.  I felt vulnerable and exposed. I knew what was coming. My breathing immediately increased pace.  He leaned in and started to go for that part of my neck. I pulled back. I couldn’t stop from doing it.  He gripped the back of my head curling his fingers in my hair to stop me. Now he had me trapped and continued his torment on my neck.  His lips touched that spot and I couldn’t pull away so my hand came up to hold him back and he slapped it away.  He was going to have what he wanted.  Without knowing it, at this point I’m pretty sure I subbed out.  It’s only happened once before this strongly and it was a very similar situation. It seems to happen when he is absolute in his command. My world narrowed until he was my whole existence.  He was my link to survival because he had utterly complete control. I was thrown into a trance-like state. 

He ordered me onto the chaise lounge on my back.  I sat at the corner as directed and leaned back.  He pushed my knees to my chest and entered me while standing. In this position, he fucked me so deeply.  He touched depths I’m pretty sure have never been touched.  It was wicked good.  Strangely, while I’m in this trance state and he’s fucking me it comes to me that our time is limited and I realize he’s about to stop.  

As he rose and said the same thing that was on my mind, it felt like the world imploded in on me.  I was suddenly and inexplicably tossed adrift in space as if my tether had been cut. He was standing over me asking me if I was okay but I was so many atmospheres away I had trouble responding. I know I automatically said, “Yes, I’m okay.” But I honestly had no idea.  My response was just a reflex because I’m trained to respond to him and I never want him to worry.

I knew I had to find myself and my way back fast because I was about to ruin our plans and the night I had arranged. I stood bolt upright to go to the bathroom and sat right back down when I couldn’t balance myself. He caught me and was talking at me. I was trying to respond and not lose it at the same time. I heard him joke and laugh but I wasn’t mentally there yet.  

Finally I made it to the bathroom and pieced myself back together.  We did make it to the concert, I did snap out of sub space somehow…pure force of will because I had to. I don’t advise this method to anyone.

I felt trapped by the circumstances but I should have said, “No, I’m really not okay,” and let my Dominant take proper care of me. Some lessons are hard.  Asking for help…not my strong suit.

Image by Sadisuto and used under CC License 3.0 with attribution and found here: http://sadisuto.deviantart.com/art/Yandere-Trance-Catherine-339979050