Glass

 I’m learning more and more how to have very full days, stay relaxed, fit all the cares in and still enjoy the minutes in between.

Having a relative on a very long hospital stay teaches you things.  I see how my calm demeanor provides calm to others.  It makes me embody the calm peacefulness even more as I strive to serve. Hopefully, I honor my submissive nature as well as help my loved ones.

These seem on the surface to be very simple gifts but they are wrought from many years of struggle. I’m so incredibly blessed that I started this journey very early in life. I remember being the type who would love to arrive at work and share my ‘grumpies’ with others. It felt communal. Truly, it just drains all involved. For a while, I just faked the happy attitude. But that wasn’t honest.  Much, much later I have learned to just be and in my existence to share my inherent peace and joy.

I don’t succeed every day. Monday and Tuesday my child told me I was off. “What’s wrong mom? You’re different today,” seeing my jittery anxiousness.   I took the queue. I had to find the problem and fix it. It was only inside me but was affecting all around me.  Moods are like that…contagious. I have noticed I get that way sometimes after a spectacular weekend with Daddy. I miss him and I’m thrown off my usual pace.

Yesterday could have been tense.  I heard some bad news. But I had a good day, felt relaxed, and gave my peace to my lovies. I love when that flows.

Last night, Mr. D and I had an easy night.  He put up one of those iron pot racks for me. Then we played.  He asked me what was in my toy box.  I bought several things from an online sex shop that was having an insane sale after Christmas. I needed something for when we were at my house because I really had nothing. I even bought a box with a lock to keep the contents from curious eyes. Felt funny unlocking it for Daddy, like I was hiding us somehow.

I bought a flogger with a glass dildo for  a handle. Daddy took it out and inspected it. “That is a stingy one.” He said. Then proved it to me. Certainly was! Then he used the glass dildo on me. Wow, those are insane!  The cold, the hardness, the ribbing on the handle. Yummy. Daddy pummeled my pussy with that thing. I was arching and pushing off the bed it felt so insanely good. We definitely need to use that again.

Image used through CC 3.0 and found here: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pleasuretoys-glass-dildo.jpg

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Stuck

I’m writing to write.  I feel a little unsettled and it is stopping the flow of my writing.  I know there’s a bunch to write…stuff to think and do and relate to you.  It’s just stuck behind a wall.  So, I figured I’d knock out a little hole and hopefully it will break open the dam and allow a flood of words to follow.

I’ve been thinking this week about life stressors and how the non D/s parts of life affect the D/s dynamic.  Most of the time, I feel like D/s is an escape from the day-to-day aspects of my life.  But what happens when those day-to-day things bring on enough stress to tip the balance and dampen the mood?

The last time I was with Mr. D is a good example.  I had a dozen things on my mind.  It was mid-week and we both had a lot of work and life on our minds.  We both shared our days and what we were dealing with.  It is so reassuring to have him there to listen and talk through life concerns.  On our mid-week night together we only have a narrow window of time between when I arrive and when Mr. D needs to be asleep.  Usually, I shower and prep myself at home before I leave and use the drive time to get my mind switched over into sub-mode so that I’m open and receptive to whatever Mr. D wants or commands of me.  On this night, I had a late meeting and hadn’t done that.  My mind was still in day-mode.

After we talked, we snuggled up in bed and began to let the day go.  I didn’t even have my thought focused enough to wonder if Mr. D wanted sex.  I was still mulling over mundane things with the damned committee in my mind.  Soon after I put my head down on Mr. D’s chest he grabbed my hair at the back of my neck and I was surprised by the sudden heat coming off of him.  I was blindsided by his lead.  Not because I didn’t want it, I did, but I wasn’t in the right mindset yet.  His grip helped a great deal to refocus me in that moment and switch gears.

I was able to put away the day right then because his desire crushed the committee into the backseat.  Still, I felt the hesitation in my body while we played.  The mind is really and truly in charge of passion.  It needs to be fully on board or the body is going to have trouble following.

I have the luxury of someone to lead and command my attention.  How do I, as the submissive, give the same level of support to my Dominant if it’s needed?  It’s not an out-of-the-ordinary problem.  Everyone finds themselves stressed and unfocused at times.  As a submissive, how am I to help in that circumstance without it being a case of topping from the bottom?  I can be supportive but is that about the extent of it?  I don’t know.

 

Callouses

I’m wearing a sexy dress today. I won’t see Daddy today but I wanted to feel him so I dressed for him. I’ll post a picture shortly.

I’m distracted because I can feel thin callouses forming on my knees from kneeling. Mmm, the effects of my service. I just love that. I can’t stop caressing the invisible rough area there.