Depression

I’ve been fighting a mild case of depression for a couple weeks now. I’m not really sure why. All I know is that my usual endless amounts of energy to do and accomplish are not where they need to be. I’m slow to respond to needs at work. I’ve decorated my home for the holidays but it took days to convince myself it needed to be done. 

I had a rare evening to myself last night. I planned to wrap gifts while no one was around and do my at-home paperwork while I had a quiet house. What did I do? I came home from dropping my son at a concert, ate take-out and binge watched Netflix. Granted, it’s been months since I’ve watched anything I wanted to watch. I don’t ever watch TV other than what someone else put on. Still, this lethargic miasma I’m wading through as got to go.
I’m pretty sure the only way to get rid of it is to just keep plodding through and forcing myself to get things done. It’s nothing like the crippling depression many people experience. I’m being a bit of a whiner here because I know I’m one of the very fortunate people who are upbeat most of the time. I usually shake off the troubles of life with humor or by just moving on. I don’t hold onto the past much because I tend to have a poor memory for it. It used to bother me when people would bring up experiences in the past that I had absolutely no recollection experiencing. But, I realize now that it serves me well to forget. I see friends of mine holding grudges and see how carrying that pain weighs them down. 

What to do? Just keep moving, I guess. Like Dory in Finding Nemo. 

Awaken

  I awaken to you

My hand reaching to touch

The smell of you heady and present

Languid with sleep and yet

Tormented by you.

Knowing the distance 

In time and pavement

Between this dark night

And the one that takes me

Back to you.

Please

Let the empty space here

Be the dream 

And not the reality.


Image from Pixabay through CC0 Public Domain

Trepidation 

  

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that something is wrong?  I woke up feeling that way. My go to reaction is self blame.  My list of things to do today is not insurmountable, everything on the surface looks fine, but still I feel a heaviness.  

Rather than walk around like I’m beaten before I begin, I need to get off my ass and attack this day.  I’ve been strong in my life but not always proactive.  I’m a hard ass worker but not always in a smart, directed way.  Time for change. 

I’ve been letting the tail wag the dog too much.  Time to get off my ass and make change happen the way I want it.
Image from Pixabay through CC0 Public Domain

Powerless

220px-Attackofthe50ftwoman

Every word drips from my lips

Into a sieve and squeezes through

To a jumbled mess at the bottom

Of a life sized bowl of alphabet soup.

From my vantage over the quagmire

I feel like the 50 Foot Woman

With arms as long as bridges and

Legs and thighs that go on for days.

My bikini is vast and my cleavage

Is the Grand Canyon.

But still the words dribble out of my lips

And float like clouds instead

Of falling with the weight of pearls.

The crowds filling the landscape

Around my feet have no fear

Of my words crushing them

And yet they stare up

At the expanse of my sex

Hungry.