Orgasms

I have a little challenge and it goes something like this…sex is incredible and with Daddy, oh my goodness, it is through the roof good. Our connection is iron hot. And yet, I still have trouble orgasming when we have sex. It’s a me thing. I’ve told you all this before.

When I write about sex, I either don’t mention this issue so I can write the super hot scenes we’ve had or I write specifically about this problem. I think I’m going to try to pepper it into my writing in a less separated or obtrusive way.

It’s part of the life I lead and I’m actively pursuing resolution for it so I’m going to try it this way for a bit. Sex is amazing goodness even with the little challenges. I love every moment I get to have it with Daddy.

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Stop and Start

That’s me, the queen of stopping and starting again.   I suppose (so, I tell myself) that dedication does not always come in a long unbroken chain.  We all have fits of downtime, hard time, or breaks in our stride.  Clearly many more are better than I am but I pride myself on (at the very least) my dedication to beginning again. 

So, here I am for the long haul.  I’m dedicated to writing.  I’m dedicated to my Dominant.  I’m dedicated to my son and my family.  Now, what am I going to do?

What I’m going to do has been the paramount question on my mind for months now.  My son’s life is here, my Sweetheart is now in Texas.  What do I do?  When I ask for others opinions, I get them.  But really I get that person’s point of view.  They don’t quite  understand how I am so the help doesn’t seem useful.  I dearly love them all for trying.  But bottom line, I will have to make a decision and no matter which way I go, it will break someone’s heart. 

My Daddy wants me with him and I want to be with him to have our amazing life together.  But to do that I must take my son away from all he’s known and his father.  How can I choose?

Several people say, just take your son, your Ex will just have to deal with it.  That feels so crass and heartless.  The words make me recoil.  Just because he’s an Ex and he did some pretty crappy things while being an active drunk doesn’t mean it’s ok to take his son away.  He got sober.  He’s been sober for years now.  He’s a completely dedicated father.  He is selfish and lacks insight when dealing with his son but is that just cause to lose his son’s proximity?

My Daddy is in Texas now.  He chose a position that will free him from his financial bonds.  It has allowed him to make up a huge chunk of ground he lost during the recession.  He wants financial stability for our future instead of a long struggle.  I totally understand that.  We can buy a house there, a nice house for all of us.

I want to be with him always.  I can’t think of missing him too much or I start crying and I can’t lose myself to that.  I’ve never loved someone like this before.  In all honesty, I loved my Ex but nothing like this.  Daddy and I have a connection unlike any I’ve ever felt.  He compliments me, the real me, like no other.  He is so intelligent he puts me to shame sometimes.  I love our banter.  I love that he picks up on things others do not.  He is funny and lighthearted then dark and intensely sexual. All the facets of him feed the facets in my heart and soul.  He loves my son for who he is.  My son has challenges and is deeply into his puberty at the moment but Daddy sees his goodness and overlooks his growing pains.  

When Daddy moved in we were able to grow in the direction of a nuclear family.  We achieved a routine of sorts in the short time we had together.  Family dinners most nights, playing games, the little things of a complete life. My son was so enamored of it.  So was I.  We were a complete family together.  Our D/s suffered in the transition but I knew we’d eventually figure that out.  We are both focused on not letting that ever slip away. 

Now I must choose.  How do I choose?  Either way my son suffers.  If I stay, he loses out on a nuclear family.  If I go, he will be distanced from his father and will most likely have to go through a legal battle which (knowing his father’s slowness to forgive) could stain their relationship forever. 

Daddy says he will wait for me no matter what it takes.  His level of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice rival any submissive act I could ever offer him.  How can I ask this beautiful man to wait years for me?  

So, there is my torture with all my angst and anxiety.  I have laid myself bare.  Any thoughts you have for us would be welcome.  

Altered States

He gave me time.  We were full from breakfast.  We sat and read email, blogs, etc.  I didn’t think anything of it.  Life as usual. 

He got up to do some laundry and then he was by my side in the living room. “Strip.” He said with no emotion, no explanation.  I unzipped my jeans vest and pulled off my shorts.  I stood naked before him. “Nice.  Follow me.”

Into the bedroom we went.  There were ropes everywhere.  He had been busy while he was doing the laundry.  “Get into the center of the bed,” he said as he adjusted the ropes at the headboard.  A large O ring was centered at the top of the large wooden headboard. I recognized it as a piece of equipment that is usually used under the mattress so that you can tie a person spread eagle to a bed withiut a frame.  This was going to be different. 

I laid on the bed in the center.  I was nude and felt the air from the  fan play across my skin.  He took one of my wrists and looped black rope around it several times tying a knot below my palm.  Then he tied the other wrist in similar fashion.  Each wrist was then secured to a ring an each side of the headboard.  Now I was unable to move my hands.  When I pulled on one the other would become secured closer to the wooden frame.  Oh, they are linked behind the bed.  I thought. The more I move the tighter I’ll be pulled on one side or the other. Devious.

Then he looped more black rope around my thighs.  Each thigh had many loops of rope, then each was tied off around the loops at my inner thigh.  The rope would secure me but not pull on my skin. Finally he pulled each leg up by ropes through the O ring in the center of the headboard right above my head.   As I looked up I saw a network of ropes strung from the upper corners of the bed and from my thighs.  I was trapped with my knees at my breasts, my hands bound and my sex wide open to him. 

He stood over me and surveyed his work. He smiled with approval.  “I can smell your sex.  I think you like this.” Then he took out the implements he had hidden by the bed.  A crop, a feather duster, and other items I couldn’t see.  Oh, I was in for it.  He mounted the bed and settled himself between my legs.  He blew air on my pussy.

I felt his nose first.  He ran his nose over my sex and up around the clit.  Then his tongue flicked over my labia, caressed my sensitive skin.  My senses were already heightened from being tied and now his tongue lit me up. Soft fluttering caresses that set me on fire. I was whimpering and pulling on my bonds to get to him. 

He pulled back, I hoped to mount me, but he picked up a crop instead.  He smacked the top of my pussy with it.  I jumped with every strike.  I tried to calm myself and bear the impacts but I was slipping away from my control. The binding ropes trapped me yet set my mind to flight. 

As the stinging sensations accelerated so did my need to beg for mercy. Before I reached my limit he knelt again to lick my pussy.  I was out of my mind.  First gentle flicks of the tongue, then hard sucking, then back to gentleness.  I was moaning loudly, unable to stop myself. 

He picked up the crop again.  My sex was wide open, my thighs tied back, my toes barely touching the bed.  The sting of contact shot through my pelvis jolting me. “Daddy!”

“What baby girl? Don’t you like it?” He said with a devilish smile.  He knew I liked it. The stings were harder and deeper now.  The first round was to bring the blood to the surface. This was the main event. It seemed that crop strikes followed by the more subtle torment of licking were the order of the day.  Each round pushed me closer to climax.

His finger hovered around the entrance to my pussy.  Caressing the pouty lips on each side.  I arched forward.  Finally!  Some kind of fucking! As sexual play ramps up, I have a one track mind.  Fuck me! Put it in, fill my hole, fuck me! My pelvis pounded forward propelling towards surcease.  His finger lazily dropped down to my asshole.  No! Not there! He rubbed little circles getting it wet then he pushed it in my ass.  

“Daddy! Fuucckk….” I’m not sure if that was a request or an expletive.  Either way, he wasn’t listening. His tongue bathed my pulsating clit.  His finger kept prodding my ass.  My throbbing, aching, hungry pussy sat forgotten on the edge of the dance floor waiting with her cocktail glass dripping sweat down her dress.

“Daddy please.” Pitiful. He ignored it.  “Daddy please fuck your slut.”  His eyes rose to look at his trussed up prize then went back to his work. “Please fuck your dirty whore.” He finally took notice. 

“You want to be fucked, do you?” His voice dripped with his Cheshire smile. “Hmm.” Noncommittal though he feigned, he finally he rose.  Yes, yes, yes! 

“Yes Daddy, please!” I was gone.  I looked up to him through atmospheres of dreamy landscapes.  

“You are mine.  I own you. Do you understand?” 

“Yes Daddy. Yours.”  I was laid bare to him.  Raw and exposed. 

“You are my dirty little whore.” He was poised at my clutching hole. He thrust forward cleaving me with his meaty cock.

“Yes Daddy, god yes!” The feeling was indescribable. Shivers of pleasure covered my body.  My mind sang.  I gripped the rope that bound my wrists to the bed. I wanted to wrap myself around him but was denied.  Thrust after thrust filled my needy pussy with the cock I so desperately wanted. 

“Take it!” His face above me, his hands on me.  His intensity broke free. 

“Fuck your little slut, your whore, fuck my cunt.  Please Daddy, fuck me, fuck me.” On and on I rutted in a hypnotized frenzy.

“Take it, take my seed!” He thrust to the hilt and pumped hot come deep inside me.  I felt it spurting out between us as his cries and grunts played across the room. 

Afterwards, he untied me in sections.  I cleaned us up while still in a stupor, ropes dangling from my wrists.  I came back down sometime after that. 

Arrival

Mr. D and I arrived to our hotel on Wednesday.  We are attending a Vegas Bash having to do with body acceptance for bigger people.  He’s been part of this community many years and I’m only being introduced to it this year.  In his past, he’s enjoyed many trysts at the bashes with many people.  He is the life of the party and many know him and his crew here. I had heard about the bashes for a long time and this would be my first one. 

We got to our room and were unpacking our luggage.  Mr. D sat in a sofa chair and beckoned me over.  “Kneel,” he said.  I knelt in between his legs. “This week is about us.  We are going to have fun and relax and enjoy our family.  This week is about you and about me. No one else.”  I smiled and nodded and put my arms around him.  I have so much love for this man.  He makes me feel so loved and protected and cared for in so many ways.

From what Daddy has told me, bashes can end up being a lot of partying and sex.  Many hook-ups happen and since we are an open couple and he’s been promiscuous at bashes in the past, he was setting the tone for how we would behave at this event.  I felt my heart swell with joy that he wanted just me for this bash.  That won’t always be the case, he is desired by many.  I felt so cradled within his affection and care through his words and choice.

“You may rise,” he said.  As soon as I kissed him and returned to unpacking he called me back. “Wait, I wasn’t done with you.”  He pointed to the floor and I knelt before him again.  “Close your eyes.” I obeyed and knelt waiting.  “Ok, open them.”

When I looked up he had a white jewelry box on his chest.  He had a smile on his face.  “Open it.” Inside were the most beautiful diamond and emerald earrings.  They have a floating emerald that moves and sparkles in the light with a swath of diamonds curling around it.  The sides are filigreed in a delicate pattern of swoops and curls.  They are the most beautiful earrings I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know what to say, they were so beautiful.  He had gotten me a charm for my charm bracelet to commemorate our trip already.

I fumbled my words. “Oh Daddy, they are beautiful. You already got me the charm.”  How could he be so wonderful?  How do I deserve such a man and such gifts?

“I can spoil you.  You’d better get used to it because you’re mine.”  I beamed and my heart did a little happy dance in my chest.  I put them on.  As luck would have it, I brought three green dresses for the occasions of the bash.  It didn’t really matter what I wore though because I knew I wasn’t taking those earrings off. 

I love him so.  He doesn’t need to shower me with jewels just having him is the best gift I could hope for.  

Play Partners

I have written about Mr. D and I choosing to be in an open relationship.  I’ve also written about our play sessions with friends together.  Now, I will tell you about my new play partners. They are actually past play partners that I’ve reconnected with recently.  Ren and Nox introduced me to lifestyle play.  I had set up an account on Fetlife and met Ren at the first munch I had the bravery to attend.  After that munch I went back to my normal vanilla life as a single mom.  

A year later I got an email from Ren asking if I’d like to go out to lunch and meet her boyfriend. I was really excited.  I remembered her from the munch. We had been the first two people there so had talked a lot.  I hadn’t heard from her at all since then so you’d think I’d have my radar up for a reason why she contacted me again after a year but I didn’t.

I met her and her new boyfriend at a diner.  We had a fun lunch talking about kink and what we all wanted in our kinky lives.  I loved it.  It was a taste of a life I really wanted but hadn’t experienced yet. After hugging them both and saying goodbye I walked back to work.  When I was back at my desk I got a text from her.  She asked, “So can we flirt with you now?” Finally, it occurred to me that they had a motive in mind for meeting with me. And that was the start of about a year of exploring a threesome with them.

During that year, we all learned a lot about each other’s kinks, likes, dislikes, jealousies and triggers.  We had an amazing first play session and I got to kiss and touch a woman. She was so soft!  I had no idea women felt like that.  That night I got to finger her to an orgasm while her boyfriend whispered in her ear. We made her come together and that was super hot.

After a while Ren narrowed in on her specific kink.  She got off on having her boyfriend cheat on her with her permission.  She learned that she was a Cuckquean, someone who gets turned on watching their spouse have sex with others.  So, our play changed to me being just with Nox.  I would go to their home or he would come to mine.  Ren would listen in, or sneak back in the house to watch or we would tape our sessions for her to listen.

The best part of our play was the connection she and I had.  She would text me and ask leading questions about her man.  I’d tell her how hot he was and that I couldn’t wait to fuck him.  Then she’d get fired up and go attack him.  It was awesome.  I loved that part.

Nox and I had several very hot sessions. Eventually, it got very hard to deal with all the emotional ups and downs of Ren’s kink.  I was their first play partner and it was hurting her to experience the cheating even though it was consensual and all related to her kink.  This is part of the edge of edge play.  It is only an edge because there is reality at the base of it.  Ren had been cheated on several times in past relationships. Nox had cheated in his first marriage.  It was a lot for me for my first time being a part of someone else’s kink.

Eventually, they found many other play partners and it didn’t feel safe to me, so I moved on.  The nice thing though is that we stayed friends.  I went to their wedding and was there when she got pregnant with their baby.  It’s pretty great.

So now, after many years we are much more relaxed with each other.  We had dinner a couple times during the summer and reconnected.  Ren sang at my mother’s funeral which touched me deeply.

Recently, we started talking about playing again.  I talked with Mr. D about it and he set down rules and approved of me playing with them as long as it was safe and condoms were used.

Granted, this is the first time I would play with someone else. I’ve never been in an open relationship before.  I knew he said okay but how was this going to work?  I realized the only way I’d find out was to do it.