Happy 2nd Anniversary

Happy 2nd Anniversary Daddy.  I love everything about our life together.  I’m so happy we are living together and are a family now. 

Every day gives me more reasons to love you and I feel so honored to be yours.  I am in awe of how easily our lives melded together this past week.  We were careful and waited for the boy for which I’m ever grateful.  I know beyond any doubt that I would have been by your side constantly after that first weekend if not for my responsibilities.  I am still so touched and awed by how you consider my needs and his in your choices and your thoughts.  

I’m never had a love that felt so right, so perfect.  I’ve never felt so as one with anyone in my life.  I am completely fulfilled being yours and fitting into the place that I call home on your chest, tucked under your protective arm.  

Everyone is made differently.  I do all I can to fit into what people need and want.  I care for them and love that care.  With you it is effortless.  I am whole in service to you and in love with you Daddy.  I’ve never before felt quite as comfortable as the me I am.   Your dominance encircles my submission and completes it.

I am ever intoxicated by you.  Your words are the source of a flame that burns ever more brightly the more we play and dance this erotic dance.  I feel your heat, it lights a passion in me that is so strong and palpable.  It is my air.  

You are my everything Daddy.  Happy Anniversary.


Daddy has been teaching at work this week so has gone in a little later than normal. This means he’s been leaving about the time I wake up normally. Unless I’m really tired, I wake up during his morning routine so I can be with him and say goodbye. What this has meant is that I’m up just a little early. This morning my son is off to school with his dad. I sat in bed and enjoyed the morning. I made coffee and masturbated thinking about the fun Daddy and I had last night. He had the evening planned and took advantage of me when I returned from dropping my son at his father’s. I’ll tell you more about last night in another post.

This morning was so nice. I feel like everything is right in my world. Daddy is home. I had a certain low level of tension resident in my mind constantly about him or my son. When I was with one, I’d wonder and worry just a little bit about the other. Are they okay? Are they happy today? Do they need me to x, y, or z? Typical ‘mom’ or ‘submissive’ cares and worries, I suppose, but it was always there. Daddy doesn’t like being alone and my son has issues with his father so either way, I worried a little. That’s life when you care about your loves.

This morning though, I still had those tethers out to both my men but the lines were quiet. I feel more at peace this morning knowing they are both with me now a majority of the time. Content and that all is good, everyone is okay, all my loves are taken care of for the moment.

I’ve noticed that tether since the minute my son was born. It was something I had not noticed until then, that constant care, that connection, that link to another person. I feel that with Daddy too. I’m not sure when in the past two years it grew but it is a thick, strong cable now.


Mr. D moved in over the weekend. We’ve had a couple days of settling in.  We’re still unpacking things here and there but this week has generally been a slice of normal day-to-day life.  

My son is getting used to Mr. D being there everyday after school.  We’ve had family dinner each night and the consistency and routine of family time at the table is so defining.  With one child to feed and myself not a high priority, dinner was hit and miss at times.  I’d make something simple for the boy and he’d eat on the couch many an evening. He feels the change and I’m happy for it.  I love taking care of my new family. 

Evenings have been relaxed and enjoyable.  Mr. D gets up earlier then us so we’re finding a routine of adult time at his bedtime then I have solo time with my son afterwards for remaining homework and bedtime.  

It’s new to have sex in a tiny home with my teenager in the other room but we accomplished it one night so far.  It was quiet but still hot and needy.  One more variety to add to our repertoire. 

All-in-all it’s been a perfect first week together.


The marathon happened on Thursday.  Today Daddy had me write for him and while he read it he had me worship his cock. He thanked me for my honesty in writing and asked if there was anything I’d change about Thursday’s play.  We talked about things we could do to help put the day behind us so that I would be better able to be fully in the moment on the week days.  

This brought more talk and it turned out to be a really wonderful sharing between us. I write for many reasons.  One of them is that I still work on ways to communicate better.  I hesitate to bring things up at times or to speak up.  I work really hard to communicate fully.  I realize that it is my failing so I do everything I can to mitigate that. Writing all the thoughts and actions of our dynamic from my point of view gives Daddy another way to see me and guide us. 

Because we talked things out so thoroughly, I have less of a need to write about Friday night but I will do so anyway.  I arrived at Mr. D’s house later than usual. My evening had devolved from the normal routine so after a long day I was harried and tired.  I showed up unshowered and in my work clothes.  As we said our hellos and he finished the show he was watching, I kept yawning. The marathon sex the night before had kept us up pretty late.

He said I could have a shower then we’d relax in the bedroom. Once I was clean we got in bed and next thing I know I’m between his legs sucking his cock.  How did I get there?  The usual way of one thing leading to another.  

We moved on to sex.  I was so tired I don’t remember specifics.  I know I rallied.  I know he took me to that place where our passion transcends everything else. I know I was shocked at how incredibly wet I got.  Whatever he did it triggered me big time.  I felt how wet I was as he thrust inside me, I could feel the wetness seep to the sheets under me. 

He got between my legs and was pleasing me.  I was rhything under him and he told me that he would keep doing what he was doing but I would have to direct him.  He wanted me to tell him faster, slower, harder, etc.  I know what he wanted.  I thought he was a dear sweet Daddy for wanting to know exactly how to please me.  Right then though I was so tired there was just no way I could.  I told him, “I don’t know Daddy. I don’t know!”  It was a hard enough task if I had been awake.  Half asleep it was impossible.

He began fucking me again and looked down into my eyes. “What’s wrong? You look pained.”  He stopped and looked down at me waiting for an answer.

“Daddy, I’m… I’m just so tired.”  I moaned. “I’m sorry.” I was upset all of a sudden.

“We didn’t have to have sex silly woman.  I brought you in here to rest.  Roll over, go to sleep.”  He pushed me over and threw the blanket over me. I closed my eyes.  I was so exhausted right then but I was immediately so sad.  

In my diminished state I got so disappointed at myself.  I didn’t want to let him down.  And then I did even worse and gave him sex with a zombie sleepy woman, great. And I let myself down by not speaking up for myself, one of my very worst shortcomings.  It was a trifecta of me fucking up.

Right then I heard from the other side of the bed, “Get out of your head, I’m not upset with you.” I nodded and tears just started rolling.  He can read my damned thoughts now too.  I can’t hide at all, I was a mess. I pulled him around me and held onto him for support.  Oh, how I love him for knowing me, for seeing what I go through and why. And most of all for taking care of me so well. I am truly blessed to be his.


If I have an addiction, it involves the sense of touch. I love caressing and touching my loved ones, most especially Mr. D. Usually, I think of people loving to be touched. I do love being caressed along with all the other ways Mr. D touches me…hard, soft, dangerously, passionately, dominantly, sadistically…wait, I’m losing my train of thought here. Distractible woman!

I love to touch. I love to feel the warmth of a person, hear them sigh and purr with appreciation. I love to feel the energy flow between us. With my son, I love to curl up with him next to me. His feet curl into mine. I’ve raised him to love touch. I was telling Mr. D that I’ve most likely ruined that child for any normal woman. He’s going to have to find a touch addict of his own someday. He loves having his head caressed and when he’s anxious all I need to say it, “Time for a snuggle.” and he wraps himself into me and I feel all the tension and angst melt out of him. I truly believe there should be something called ‘touch therapy’. When I see friends and loved ones upset, I want to touch them and ease their pain. I can’t do that to most people, which is kind of sad. Why not? Boundaries, personal space, I guess. Seems a shame really.

Of all the people I’ve touched in my life, no one compares to Mr. D. He says I love his fur. God help me, I do. I really do. He has the most amazing feel to him. His light carpet of sandy fur just calls to my fingertips. I ache for him when I’m away. I can sit here and fall into a little trance thinking about the feel of him.

When I am curled up with him, I run my hand across his chest. I feel his heavenly warmth and his furry chest. I play with his nipple rings and tug on them. The hard ring and his soft masculine nipple are a divine combination. 

When I’m sitting beside him, my hand strays up and down his forearm. The softness of his fur blanketing his muscled arm, again I drift into a trance-like state. Touching him calms me and connects me to him like nothing else. I’m sure there’s a science to it, serotonin release or some such thing. All I know if I have to touch him. If I’m near him, I need to feel him. His strong but gentle hands, his capable feet, his rock hard calves, his scruffy or clean-shaven face. His eyes on me completes the circle. I love our connection so.



Beginning in the open lifestyle was a rather tumultuous, stressful and halting start for me. When I was the single one and Ren and Nox were the couple, I had nothing to lose.  Nothing other than them as play partners.  And back when I played with them the first time I lost them pretty regularly. Most of the time I understood.  It was new, they had to figure it out within their love cocoon.  I didn’t take it personally for the most part but I got ousted pretty regularly.  I tried to watch and listen and do things the way they wanted.  Eventually, they moved on to many other people and my part was in the past.

Fast forward to now. I have Mr. D.  I am insanely, passionately and completely in love with him.  When we first began to date we shared our pasts and that we’d both tried open relationships in different ways.  We both wanted to continue with that openness. Two years later and we were still blissfully exploring our own relationship with no need of others.

Then I start talking to my couple again.  We talk, we share where we’re all at and playing again seems a good option.  I’m safe to them after so many problem people.  They are safe to me because they are a known factor.  Mr. D says, go have fun. Great and great.

But then, what I didn’t factor in (oh I tried and failed) was how I have changed and how I haven’t.  I played twice.  Both times it did what I set out to accomplish.  Nox seemed to enjoy our time together and Ren got heated up and touched by her kink in a good way.  Win win.

How I failed was to handle the whole situation along with my relationship with Mr. D poorly.  Bottom line, I did not communicate. I left Daddy wondering why I wasn’t giving him all the details. My failure to be completely honest was my downfall.  I had no reason at all other than timidity for why I didn’t and that brought near ruination to us.

I was a child playing with the seasoned adults and I acted like a child. On the other side of the coin, Ren and I talked for a long time in text.  We felt each other out.  She touched the edges and walls of her kink with me, testing the boundaries, feeling how it pulled her chains.  Before, it was always solely for her that we did this.  My joy was in serving her need and her kink. This time it was different for me because she touched a boundary I didn’t know was even there.  It felt like she was encroaching on my cherished relationship with Mr. D.  Wait, I thought, this is supposed to be about you not me!  Go back, we can’t go there. But, again, I communicated my needs poorly.  She was hurt by my actions.

For Daddy’s part, his engineer’s mind took over and he dealt with me swiftly.  I felt so horribly low for making him doubt me and doubt us.  And why? For no other reason than I couldn’t just treat the situation openly like an adult. I learned a hard lesson.  Holding back ultimately hurts more than anything else.  We talked but I still must be ever watchful that I am completely honest for him.  He deserves that from me always.

With the couple, I have no idea if we’ll play again.  Ren said no matter what we’re still friends.  I’m hopeful that’s the case. But she’s hurt and I don’t know how to fix that. Will we play again?  I don’t know.  At the moment, I just want to be in my love cocoon with Mr. D.

Photo courtesy of Sebastian Wiertz through CC 2.0 with Attribution

Hooky – Part One

Last Monday Daddy and I played hooky from work.  I had my play session with Nox a few days before. Daddy and I only had one night to reconnect after that. I was right at the heaviest part of my period, not the best timing. We had been texting each other and missing each other all weekend.  Sunday night as we’re texting Daddy says, “I’ll play hooky from work if you want to see me.”  I was so tempted but I had a busy schedule the whole next day.  After giving it some thought I threw caution to the winds and said yes.

I took the boy to school on Monday and drove up to Daddy’s.  By the time I got there is was almost 9am. Daddy was waiting in the living room for me.  All the roommates had gone to work so we had the place to ourselves. I had missed him so much over the weekend.  We had talked about me playing with Nox and everything was fine but it put us both in a heightened state.  For me, I felt so much more in need of connection with Daddy. I needed to know in a visceral way that everything was good and we were strong. Mr. D’s reaction to my play had been everything I would have wanted.  It made me appreciate him even more than I already did.

We kissed and I was in awe all over again at our passion for each other.  When I kissed him it felt so right, so white hot. He took me into the bedroom and our joining was immediate.  I needed him inside me and I think he needed to claim me again.   He pulled out of me and told me to taste us on him.  He made sure that I was clean and done with my period.  I said I was and knelt between his legs.  I love the taste of us together.  Our juices joined on his cock and the taste was incredible as I licked it off.

He had me lay on my stomach on the bed. He wanted to play with my ass.  His fingers opening me there and stretching me made me cry out without any control.  I lose my sanity a little and the most guttural sounds come out. After preparing me for a while I knew he was going to fuck my ass.  As much as he makes sure I’m relaxed, stretched and lubed there is nothing that mentally prepares me for this.  He is so girthy and it is always frightening.  I breath and relax as he tells me to do.  He prepares me and when he finally mounts me there is still a point where I’m sure I’m going to tear. It is not reality, it is just what I go through mentally to let it happen. Something about it works for me and our kink.  It gives me a reason to sacrifice for him, to submit and take it for him.

My breathing gets rapid, I force myself to relax and be still.  He pushes himself into my asshole and at some point, just as I’m about to bolt, it goes in.  Then the game completely changes.  He moves and my body reacts.  I am an animal rutting under another stronger animal.  My mind seems to quiet and recede.  It is all about sensation and dominance then.  Sometimes I notice I’m gripping the bed, other times I feel the weight of his hand on my back.  But mostly I just feel the intensity of the pleasure. It’s so different from vaginal sex.  I can’t fully describe it.  It is primal and so close to the edge for me. 

He pumped into me several times and slipped out.  When he pulled back up to put his cock in again I had to bite the sheets so I didn’t beg him to stop.  Once in, everything is moving and the most intense pleasure but when he’s out again I go through the same process all over again. Shortly afterwards he pulled out and said, “Follow me into the living room.” With the roommates at work we had a rare opportunity to use the whole house. He put me over the arm of the couch and mounted me there.  I thought it would be regular sex but he was in my ass again and I cried out with trepidation and more intense pleasure.  With my body flung over the couch, I felt him pump into me harder and faster than before. I was so happy for the feel of the couch supporting me under the onslaught of his thrusts. 

Doggie style sex is always something we’re adjusting for because his center of gravity is lower than mine. I have long legs and he has a long torso.  The couch arm only worked for a short time then he moved us onto the couch cushions.  He put me on my back and had me hold my knees up to my chest.  He got on his knees between my legs and pushed up against my ass one more time.  I looked up at him with what must have been sheer terror.  “No please Daddy.” I was completely fine but to mentally get over the hump again so soon seemed insurmountable. 

“You’re fine baby girl.  I know you are worried about this position but it will be fine, I promise.” He pushed into my ass one last time.  I looked up into his eyes as I felt him filling my ass so deep and so tightly.  I felt my eyes cloud over as I know they must when he fucks my ass.  I can’t help it.  But I kept my eyes on him as much as I could even while he ripped the moans from me again.

“Oh baby, it’s so amazing to look into your eyes while I’m deep in your ass.” I nodded while I gasped.  I hadn’t realized until he said that that we had never done this face to face before. It was such a sharing of deep emotion, I can’t describe it.  


I was kneeling for Daddy. He said something that really took my breath away.  He said, “You are kneeling for me but it is I who worship you.”  

I was so taken by him saying such a thing as this.  He knows how to make my heart do somersaults in my chest.  It is breathtaking to me how much I love him.

I want every day to be an expression of my love for him.  I wish to show him how much I am devoted to him and worship him in kind. 


Grief is a new and tiring sport. I expected that I went through all my grief after my mom died and wrapped it up in a tidy little bow. Not so. I’ve been depressed, as I told you, for the past weeks. It wasn’t until I had a full weekend with Daddy that he was able to bring my grief to light.  
It is Christmas, the first one without my mom. I didn’t realize that the miasma I am moving through was the loss of her. I have no motivation to do any of the things I need to make Christmas happen. I just ordered my son’s gifts last night. I’m praying they make it here on time. Daddy’s gifts just seemed to happen naturally which is good. It means that I was in tune with my desires for pleasing him regardless of outer influences.
I’m doing my best to take each day this week and get something done. Otherwise, it’s going to be pizza delivery for Christmas! And if someone doesn’t get a present because I’m loopy…oh well. 
Daddy took care of me this past weekend. He gave me love. He told me no sex until I started smiling, lol. I needed contact with him. I needed to feel him and touch him. The no sex rule lasted until he made me laugh anyway. Saturday we had a party with family and Sunday we relaxed and had a session together. My time with him alone is so needed, so fulfilling, so necessary. When I left on Monday morning I felt so much more whole.
Today, I’m two days of work and slogging through Christmas away from him. I feel the weight of my grief…at least I know what it is now, but I’ll make it. I did not sleep last night nor get anything done yesterday evening. I’m on a mission tonight. I have to get everything done tonight, family arrives tomorrow. Wish me luck.

He Took Me

I do have stories to tell you about how he took me. Mr. D and I have had some hot times together recently.  The last one especially.  Today, though, I have something else in mind.  I have been writing only our experiences and escapades of late.  I haven’t been doing any journaling.  It would be good for me to journal a bit.  Not that I want to bore you with rambling but there are many things, lifestyle related, that are rumbling around in my mind so I thought I’d talk about them and see if it shakes anything loose.

I really value having this place to come and talk. It helps me put my thoughts in a manageable order so that I can move forward with certainty.  Knowing that likeminded kinky people are listening and have such an amazing outlook also helps.  So, thank you for your comments and thoughts.  I really appreciate the time and love.