Daddy Knows Best

Well, sex night was a bust with Daddy telling me to go to sleep. I guess he didn’t want to do dirty things to me while I’m coughing as much as I am. Pout pout lol. That’s why he’s the man in charge. He cares for my well-being.

His mom is coming into town today. I have never met her before so I’m slightly nervous, in a good way. I hope she likes us and enjoys the visit. We’ll be in entertainment mode for her over the weekend.

I may write later again today but maybe not. Lots of thoughts rumbling around but I figured I should at least update you on the sex or no sex situation.

Ciao for now!

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One Day – Today

I am headed back to work today from checking on my son and running a couple errands.  The life of a mom and wife is one of many small things. My son is going through a very hard time with school.  Dialing him in to this new phase of his life is proving challenging for me.  I worry about him and am doing all I can to get him back to being successful and fulfilled.

Alternatively, Daddy and I are doing well at having our lives merged back together.  We’re running errands together, doing projects on the weekends, and I do my best to cook dinner or plan dinner most nights. Daddy helps by smoking or BBQing meat on the weekend.  Adding a roommate and my son to our joined lives has taken a toll on our sex life but I think the married life part is working well.

My work and Daddy’s work have both ramped up in the last several months.  He has finished up his last position (mostly) and is moving into his new one. He is sometimes buried, sometimes stressed and sometimes elated at how they are receiving him and acknowledging his work.  Generally, he is taking it all in stride and I’m doing my best to support him as I can.

I may take a new job.  It would be more pay, but I love what I do and where I do it.  It concerns me to move positions when my son is going through issues. We’ll see.

The lifestyle…well, it will come back.  God, I hope it will.  I have faith, mainly because I want it so badly and I know Daddy does too.  It binds us together.  It draws the best from us.  It lights us on fire.

Patience girl, patience.

Write or Perish

Our D/s part of our relationship has waned. It’s a matter of stressors and too many people in our home. We have no alone time to speak of. So, we have urgent but attemptedly quiet sex for the most part.

It didn’t feel like I should write about that. It isn’t the most passionate situation to write about. With my son and my best friend in the rooms next to ours, we are hampered. We have two more months of no free time to go. I love my friend and am so grateful Daddy has allowed me to have her in our home for this short stay, still…it’s hard. I have felt like our kink was perfunctory and our lifestyle gone. But I need to write about this struggle so that something of our lifestyle lives on in the now.

Daddy did something so incredibly sexy yesterday. He set up a rig out back with zip-tied cuffs on a punching bag frame. Everyone in the home was gone for about an hour. He cuffed me in with my arms over my head. He told me, I’d be whipped publicly for all to hear. It was in our new back yard. My heart skipped a beat. I was nervous but god I wanted this. As he pulled down my pants so my thong and ass were showing, I looked around us. Our new but annoyingly vocal neighbor’s upstairs window looked right down on us. I was concerned. Even as Daddy started to spank me, I despaired. We had just moved in and I didn’t want trouble.

He rubbed my ass and said, “You are nervous but I know you’re excited too. I’m so hard already.” Damn it, for that window! I wanted this so fucking badly. He took the flogger to me then. The sting felt so good, so welcome but I couldn’t stop stressing about the damned neighbor.

Daddy sensed I was too quiet so he checked in with me. I told him about the neighbor’s windows and my fears. After a minute he took me down and we put the fun toys away. At least we took my private collar and the cuffs up to our room. The whole toy bag has been in the garage since we moved in here two months ago.

Daddy’s shoulder was hurting him anyway so in hindsight I’m glad we didn’t continue, he would have been in a lot more pain. Trying to eek a kinky lifestyle out of a family life is no laughing matter. We both want it. Fuck, yes, we do. We’re just not having much success at the moment.

Home Again

I have wonderful news to share. Mr. D interviewed for a job here and got it. He will be coming home to me! After a year of flying back and forth to see each other we will be in the same home sharing the same bed every night. Yay yay yay!

I loved many parts of this year but I’m so glad it is coming to an end. I loved going to visit Daddy. I loved the dedicated alone time we had when I flew there. It was like our own BDSM hideaway. I will miss that. I will miss our new state and the people there. It was a beautiful state with friendly people. I loved that we toured around like tourists together.

I think it is the pain slut in me when I say I’ll miss missing him. I hated leaving at the end of every trip but I liked feeling those feelings. Odd to say that I liked my tears but they did show me how deeply I love him and how anchored my submission to him is in my heart.

So, it will take some time and planning but he is coming home!

Following

I was responding to a comment and something came up that I thought I’d bring to a more public place for discussion. Those of us that write a blog all have certain things we do as part of this blogging way of life. It’s not just write, publish and reap millions of readers’ love and adoration. Is it? I mean, if it is for you that’s insanely good. Move along, there’s nothing for you here.

Like I said in my last post, this is a blogging platform not specifically a social one. If you want it to become a social one you have to work at it. Most followers at the beginning to middle stages of a blog are other blog writers. We’re interested and we’re here a lot more than general readers. It just stands to reason that we are each other’s audience to a great extent. What that means is that there is reciprocation needed. You can’t just write and move on with your day if you want to build a community.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a blog post about someone’s guilt related to not reading all their followers’ posts. I feel that guilt all the time. I’m sure many of you do too…I’ve read it. I’ve gone back and forth with this guilt. I’ve tried to read through and comment on every subscription email I receive on your posts. I’ve tried to have a laissez-faire attitude of “I’ll read the ones that really interest me,” because I can’t read them all. Then I’ve fallen completely off the wagon and deleted them all in one swift fire sale of frustration. I haven’t found the sweet spot of following.

My question is what do you do? How do you handle the flow? How do you build community? I see some folks who have succeeded. They have a nice group of consistent commenters and they are having a grand time. I post a comment in the midst of their conversation and it makes me smile. I feel the glow coming from their light.

I know not everyone has the same goal. People blog for many different reasons. My own reasons vacillate back and forth. I write because I love to write. I write for my Dominant. He loves to read and it thrills me to thrill him. This is a way I can serve him and show my love. He likes to use my writing to assess how I did with his choice of scenes. He is a process thinker, an engineer. He needs input and I don’t always want to talk it all through. I love talking to him but I don’t always volunteer information, so I write and it’s

another way to communicate.

I am a social person and a service person. My submission to Daddy has a big service element. My work and parenting also have a service element. This means that I don’t do anything in a vacuum or just for myself. Which leads me to realize that I need to give weight to that in my writing endeavors too. I thrive on feedback. I thrive in a community. When the community or service aspect of my writing dwindles, I stop wanting to write as much.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on building a blogging community, how you are a good follower or why you write. Thank you to all who read and follow me. You are truly my lifeblood here.

Why Write?

I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. It is a clear sign that I have writer’s fatigue. Right at this moment I don’t have a burning desire to write. When this happens I struggle with it. I want to write but it’s like slogging through mud in fishing boots.

I mentioned this to a friend I used to blog with back in the day. He said that perhaps I need more immediate feedback and that’s true. When I blogged on places like Yahoo 360 and Multiply there were whole communities of bloggers and it felt like Home. We riffed off each other’s writing and it was fun. I see that happening for many on this site but I haven’t been able to scratch the surface much. I am sporadic at times and this does not build a social group. Plus, WordPress is a classic blogging site rather than a social platform.

Perhaps, it’s that I’m writing about real life now instead of my fantasies. I’ve written two different blogs in the past. They were family-based or kink lifestyle-based in some fashion. I would bounce up and down the scale of dedication to both. Real life blogging is a unique type of storytelling. You actually need some real event to write about. You can’t tell a pithy or anecdotal story if nothing interesting happened that day. If you force it then it simply becomes FaceBook. This isn’t that.

My lifestyle blog in the past was about how I wanted to learn about the lifestyle. It was a good chunk of exploration with fantasy peppered throughout. Now I write about the lifestyle I currently live. It’s been suggested that I write some fantasy again. Ok.

But if someone is coming to a reality-based kink lifestyle blog do they really want to hear my fantasies? Maybe or maybe not.

What really irks me to no end and I’m sure bothers my Dominant is we’ve had some amazing scenes, one in particular, that I haven’t written. Every time I go over the events in my mind I can’t summon the words to do it justice. So, I get down on myself and that dampens the process further.

All this has been rumbling around in my mind while steaming hot scene writing has escaped me. Your thoughts are welcome.

High and Lows

I've noticed I go through highs and lows. Maybe it's hormones maybe I just miss Daddy. I don't know what it is. I just notice the cycle.

Right now is the low. I feel it cover me like a cloying blanket. I drag myself out of bed, drag myself to work, then I work like a fiend because I let work dominate my soul like that while I'm there.

Afterwards, I drag home and sit on the couch. Tonight, I have no child to care for so it's either easier or harder, I haven't decided. Easier, because when he's here I must care for him. Harder, because he distracts me with his teen all consuming everything, which is helpful.

Blah blah blah. No one wants to hear this. I don't even want to write it. I think it's only valuable as a journal-writing exercise that will hopefully vent the pent up steam. Masturbating every damned night ain't doin' it.