Up All Night

I was told to write yesterday and I failed. It was a truly challenging day with my son. The past few months of the teen years have been almost more than I can handle. He has some emotional problems and I’m spending a lot of time managing his doctors and treatments and, well, it’s really hard. He had anxiety all day yesterday. It was different in that most days there is an episode or challenges but not a whole days worth of it.

Daddy and I had a great adult weekend last weekend. We had time to play. Even though his knee has been hurting him, he still set out all the toys and took care of me. He is so good to me.

I know he wants to hear my thoughts on that play. He was leaving on a plane and sent me a text stating that I must write for him. Not that I had to write something specific but that it had to be yesterday. I accepted the order. I knew he was doing it for me after all. Over the last few months, I’ve realized the submissive part of our relationship is much more something I wanted and not so much something he craved. I think it is fun for him but not necessary.

Daddy wasn’t here to see how all consuming my son was throughout the evening. I ended up falling asleep with my son tucking me in and going back to his room. He was finally calm and I was out. I completely lost focus of Daddy’s command.

In the morning, I woke to Daddy being very upset with me…disappointed, he texted. I broke. The man gives me one command in months and I failed completely. He may not need a submissive but I know he wants me to write. He drops pointed comments often enough that I know how he misses it. I felt my heart drop to my feet. I love him so much and yet I can’t do a simple thing when he asks.

I didn’t even know how to respond. You can’t make proper amends by apologizing again for a repeated bad behavior. Who cares to hear that? No one.

So, here I am writing. I spent my one night alone in the house cleaning everything I never have time to clean. I’m so tired of not getting those things done. It was cathartic. At least the place smells better.

So, one thing at a time. Today I write, tomorrow I’ll sleep.

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Moving On

My girlfriend Frenchy has left for France. She lived with us for five months. It was a great time and I’m so so happy we had the time together. She and I lived together many years ago when we were both single and in our twenties. Time flies and here we are at the end of our forties saying goodbye.

I owe Daddy a huge thank you for allowing her to stay with us. He really knew very little about my Frenchie when she moved in but he let her move in with us (to the detriment of our sex life) and I’m so very grateful. They became friends and I’m so happy they did.

My Frenchie can be a whirlwind of fun and spunk. She’s tall and thin and full of life most days. Other days she’s sad and vulnerable and needs love and hugs. Daddy was such a good thing for her in the final months of her saying goodbye to her American life.

My girl was the best roomie. I knew she would be but still she surpassed my expectations. She’s always been one to do more than her part. Aside from being my counterpart with dishes and chores she also helped us buy many things for our new home together. She took the guest’s rule of ‘leave a place better than you found it’ to the next level.

I will always cherish our time together. Much love goes with her on her travels. Hopefully, Daddy and I gave her what she needed to be strong and enjoy the next part of her journey.

Plan B

My Ex always had a Plan B. It had something to do with driving away from all his troubles to go live off the land or have a farm of his own away from the terrible land of Corporations, Big Pharma, the dreaded Government and other various and sordid demons.

This is not that. I had a job interview. Then another. Then several with many team members. It looked good. Not exactly what I wanted to do but it was in my industry and it was a lot more money. As a ‘don’t focus on me, I’m not the important thing here’ submissive I’m not great at asking for what I want. After 10+ years at my current post with only two raises in all that time, a new job with more pay sounded great.

So, I guess I’m at Plan B now. The job went to someone else. I love my current job so I’m not that dejected but I was starting to look forward to something new. Is Plan B looking for actual open positions now? Maybe. The one I just lost was rather foisted at me. I hadn’t been looking. Funny how something you didn’t want and hadn’t asked for turns into something you’re a little bummed to lose.

So, feeling a little down. Nothing major just meh.

Here and Gone

Well, Mr. D’s mom was here and just as quickly she is back home. I thought it was a nice visit. She and I got to know each other a bit. I liked her very much and I think she liked me as well.

Interestingly, his mom looks very like mine had looked. They are quite similar in facial features and build. My Dad remarked on it.

So, nothing fun or on blog topic to report. Though we did finally have sex last night. Daddy was sure I was dying of a cough but I must have convinced him sex would help clear my lungs, lol. Anyway, it was short but needed. I savored every second.

He didn’t much buy my comment that daily sex would cure me, but one can always try. Right? 😉

Daddy Knows Best

Well, sex night was a bust with Daddy telling me to go to sleep. I guess he didn’t want to do dirty things to me while I’m coughing as much as I am. Pout pout lol. That’s why he’s the man in charge. He cares for my well-being.

His mom is coming into town today. I have never met her before so I’m slightly nervous, in a good way. I hope she likes us and enjoys the visit. We’ll be in entertainment mode for her over the weekend.

I may write later again today but maybe not. Lots of thoughts rumbling around but I figured I should at least update you on the sex or no sex situation.

Ciao for now!

One Day – Today

I am headed back to work today from checking on my son and running a couple errands.  The life of a mom and wife is one of many small things. My son is going through a very hard time with school.  Dialing him in to this new phase of his life is proving challenging for me.  I worry about him and am doing all I can to get him back to being successful and fulfilled.

Alternatively, Daddy and I are doing well at having our lives merged back together.  We’re running errands together, doing projects on the weekends, and I do my best to cook dinner or plan dinner most nights. Daddy helps by smoking or BBQing meat on the weekend.  Adding a roommate and my son to our joined lives has taken a toll on our sex life but I think the married life part is working well.

My work and Daddy’s work have both ramped up in the last several months.  He has finished up his last position (mostly) and is moving into his new one. He is sometimes buried, sometimes stressed and sometimes elated at how they are receiving him and acknowledging his work.  Generally, he is taking it all in stride and I’m doing my best to support him as I can.

I may take a new job.  It would be more pay, but I love what I do and where I do it.  It concerns me to move positions when my son is going through issues. We’ll see.

The lifestyle…well, it will come back.  God, I hope it will.  I have faith, mainly because I want it so badly and I know Daddy does too.  It binds us together.  It draws the best from us.  It lights us on fire.

Patience girl, patience.

Write or Perish

Our D/s part of our relationship has waned. It’s a matter of stressors and too many people in our home. We have no alone time to speak of. So, we have urgent but attemptedly quiet sex for the most part.

It didn’t feel like I should write about that. It isn’t the most passionate situation to write about. With my son and my best friend in the rooms next to ours, we are hampered. We have two more months of no free time to go. I love my friend and am so grateful Daddy has allowed me to have her in our home for this short stay, still…it’s hard. I have felt like our kink was perfunctory and our lifestyle gone. But I need to write about this struggle so that something of our lifestyle lives on in the now.

Daddy did something so incredibly sexy yesterday. He set up a rig out back with zip-tied cuffs on a punching bag frame. Everyone in the home was gone for about an hour. He cuffed me in with my arms over my head. He told me, I’d be whipped publicly for all to hear. It was in our new back yard. My heart skipped a beat. I was nervous but god I wanted this. As he pulled down my pants so my thong and ass were showing, I looked around us. Our new but annoyingly vocal neighbor’s upstairs window looked right down on us. I was concerned. Even as Daddy started to spank me, I despaired. We had just moved in and I didn’t want trouble.

He rubbed my ass and said, “You are nervous but I know you’re excited too. I’m so hard already.” Damn it, for that window! I wanted this so fucking badly. He took the flogger to me then. The sting felt so good, so welcome but I couldn’t stop stressing about the damned neighbor.

Daddy sensed I was too quiet so he checked in with me. I told him about the neighbor’s windows and my fears. After a minute he took me down and we put the fun toys away. At least we took my private collar and the cuffs up to our room. The whole toy bag has been in the garage since we moved in here two months ago.

Daddy’s shoulder was hurting him anyway so in hindsight I’m glad we didn’t continue, he would have been in a lot more pain. Trying to eek a kinky lifestyle out of a family life is no laughing matter. We both want it. Fuck, yes, we do. We’re just not having much success at the moment.