High and Lows

I've noticed I go through highs and lows. Maybe it's hormones maybe I just miss Daddy. I don't know what it is. I just notice the cycle.

Right now is the low. I feel it cover me like a cloying blanket. I drag myself out of bed, drag myself to work, then I work like a fiend because I let work dominate my soul like that while I'm there.

Afterwards, I drag home and sit on the couch. Tonight, I have no child to care for so it's either easier or harder, I haven't decided. Easier, because when he's here I must care for him. Harder, because he distracts me with his teen all consuming everything, which is helpful.

Blah blah blah. No one wants to hear this. I don't even want to write it. I think it's only valuable as a journal-writing exercise that will hopefully vent the pent up steam. Masturbating every damned night ain't doin' it.

New Orders

I was at work the Wednesday before last and Daddy began texting me. He was abrupt and a little demanding. I was wrapping up some work and just heading to lunch with a girlfriend who was waiting outside my office.

Slut. What are your plans this weekend? I may have an assignment for you.

I had absolutely no plans for the weekend coming up which I told him. Usually I have something planned but I was going into a full week without my son and was a little bereft at the idea.

Ok. Your assignment will be to take care of someone who needs attention. Can you do that for me? Can you step out on a limb and trust me that it will be a good thing? No sex is involved unless you show intent or desire but initially on your terms.

As I headed out to my waiting girlfriend I felt a little frazzled and now I had Daddy sending me to a complete stranger? What is this new task? Who was this person? It had to be someone I know…right?

"Will you do this for me baby?"

"Yes Daddy, I will."

"Nervous baby? Anxious?" I was. I had my girlfriend right there who is a chatterbox on a good day and while she was talking away my mind was completely distracted by Daddy's task.

"I thought you might be. Are you turned on at all? You didn't even ask if it's a male or female." He wrote.

I quickly replied that I would serve who ever he wanted me to serve, male or female. One, I trusted him and two, he said sex would be my choice.

All through lunch I wondered about this task of his. Who could it be? Would he really send me someone to please sexually?

He sent one final text during lunch, "I won't keep you then. But you will have to do better this weekend. I need the attention."

I quickly replied in the affirmative and finished lunch with my girlfriend. I usually do not look at my phone at all when with friends. I want to give our friendship my full attention but Daddy had me spun.

After lunch I saw a text that had probably been waiting for a long while. "I tell you I'm coming for the weekend and that's all I get?" Wait! What??

It was Daddy. He was the person he wanted me to serve. He was coming home for the weekend! I was so surprised and ecstatic. He had been playing a little prank on me. He had booked travel and had it all arranged. I am one lucky girl.

Counting the Days

Good morning. Daddy is off enjoying a work conference this week.  It is long days and nights of team building with work mates.  I’m happy he gets to experience that. 

I am working hard on some work for my brother…not my usual day-to-day. It keeps me distracted. The daily grind gets boring for me but the minute someone says ‘special project’ I get wound up. Silly but that’s how I am. 

I had a recruiter tell me I’d be the best person she could hire for a job initially.  She said I’d be great for about 18 months but after that I’d be bored and move on. I had to agree with her.  I’m that way. I need the challenge.

Maybe that’s also why I love D/s and pain. I like the challenge. I crave the different. When Daddy pushes me to take his cock deeper and longer in my throat…I’m hooked. Push me to give more? Ok!

I miss him so much this morning. I have summer with my son to plan and no weekend picked out with Daddy yet. I want to be with him. I need him.  

I have a couple more things to write about from our last weekend but I wanted to write a little this morning not a big thing. 

I hope you are all enjoying summer wherever you are.  Hugs and kinky kisses. 

Back from Heaven

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly heaven but 7 days in Cancun with Daddy was pretty amazing.  I had him to touch and hold and talk with for a whole week.  That part was divine. 

We were there to be witnesses to Goddess and El Jefe’s ten year vow renewal.  They had family and friends along for the event. Some of the guests were fun, some were crazy, some were kink-friendly and some were downright weird.  All-in-all it was an eventful week.  

The wedding was lovely.  Goddess was beautiful, El Jefe was handsome, my Sweetie was their well-spoken and touching minister.  Our friend Painted Lady was the maid of honor and I was a bridesmaid.  

Daddy and I were responsible for the bachelor and bachelorette parties.  I’ll have to tell you all about them.  They both had a little crazy aspect to them, as it should be.  We had a fun time of it. 

More to come soon.  I just wanted to stop by and say hello! 

Starting Again

It has been ages since I’ve written.  So long now that this is well and truly a starting again.  Sigh. 

But I do want to start again so I will.  I left Daddy at the airport again today.  This living in two states and being a baby girl is turning me into a wilting flower.  I just think of leaving his side and I start weeping.  I’ve turned into one of those crazy  ladies who cry at airports.  A friend of mine’s mother would fall to pieces saying goodbye at airports. I thought it was terribly quaint and just a bit funny every time she did it.

But now, at some point during our drive or getting packed or saying goodbye I feel the tears. Daddy says, “No tears now,” and I feel quite vulnerable and well…baby girl.  I want to run into Daddy’s arms and have him tell me it’s okay.  But I put on a strong face and I act like my normal self to get through it. 

I feel unhinged but then I retreat into myself again to be the strong single mom.  He has uncovered my soft, utterly vulnerable, inner girl and I have to lock her away again each time. 

Sometimes it seems harder to find her again. This time Daddy was here for a week and I felt more my pragmatic shell of a self than usual. Financial concerns, work and parenting were hard to put aside. We didn’t have any alone time together.  Either my son was with us or we were caring for friends who needed our love and attention.  All good and necessary things but god I miss him.  

I miss being his baby girl. I miss being his submissive.  I want to be selfish and greedy but I try never to be that.  He is all I ever dreamed.  He is dirty and kinky.  He is so incredibly intelligent and caring.  He is my two sides in one person. My pragmatic mind finds a match in him. My business mind has a partner. My little girl has a protective Daddy. My dirty little slut has someone to make her debase herself for his pleasure. 

I had him all to myself for a while and I fear this new place we’re in. I fear at some point he’ll give me up. I fear this is too hard on him. I fear for his health, which is not good. I fear every little setback thinking it will be what breaks us. If there is a Divine plan at work please let us work, please let us find a way. I try everyday to believe we are okay and we will succeed.

Lastly, if I’m completely honest, I fear to write.  I’m afraid of saying something that will cause the protective Daddy in him to do something I don’t want because it’s for my own good.  I can’t stop that fear but I can force myself past it.  For good or ill, I will be brave and write. 

Homework

So, Daddy gave me a task.  Not the task I never wrote about.  Sorry folks…moving on.  He set me another similar task.  This time, it happened to be on my birthday.

Let me set the scene.  It was a hectic day.  I had family coming to take me to dinner for my birthday.  There was also a work party for me during the day.  All this was wonderful but for some reason I felt harried and stressed.  Probably because the days leading up to my special day were overlong and I was overworked.  My house was trashed and I had no time to clean it for the company that was arriving right after work.  Add the plethora of birthday calls and texts and I was ripe for overload. I know, first world problems. Poor loved thing, how dare they call and write and love me extra well! Sheesh. 

I knew I was on the edge for no apparent reason and blowing my lid at well wishers was bad form so I held it in.  My family all arrived and everyone was talking at me at once, usual family-fest. Right about then Daddy texted.  

“Baby girl, you have homework tonight. You will put in your new anal plug and masturbate for me. Understood?” I read this text while the whirlwind of voices and people whirled around me.  My initial reaction was not submissive at all, lemme tell ya.  Not anywhere near it.  My first thought was, Really? Today of all days?!?

Ok, not my finest submissive moment.  I answered in the affirmative and went back to be being a good hostess all the while I added this news to the jumble in my head. Evil and Angel marked off territory in my mind. 

Daddy is far away and it’s my birthday.  He wants me to feel him today of all days.  

Why am I to perform tasks for his pleasure on my birthday?

It’s not for him you idiot, he wants you to have some fun and some pleasure. 

I’m exhausted now and we haven’t even gone to dinner yet.  How the hell am I going to get rid of this gaggle early enough for this too?

The fight was arduous and ridiculous.  I’d say one side won because it would lend closure to the tale but really they were still at it when I finally got my child to bed and everyone out of the house. 

I laid in bed and thought, okay just close your eyes for a few minutes then do as you’re told. Regardless why he wanted me to or if I wanted to, I’m slave and I must obey.  At that point…you guessed it…I fell sound asleep.

Sidetracked

Ever start writing with the intention of saying one thing only to end up writing about an entirely different thing? Yeah, me too. That’s what happened in my last post.  I fully had the intention of writing something that fit with the title I gave it. But that’s not what came out.

I think when I haven’t written in a long time all the thoughts and feelings I would have written about are still bottled up inside.  I begin writing after a dry spell and once the first jammed up words are out all the other words come spurting out in all directions.  Yes, the visual there was intentional.  It IS a sex blog after all.

My title Sex, what’s that? was a lame segue from a long hiatus to writing about Daddy’s task for me tonight. But my emotions dragged me off elsewhere. It happens.  

We were family Facetiming and the sneaky man was able to give me direction in code to masturbate tonight for him.  It occurred to me after we disconnected that (1) the man is talented in running multiple layer conversations and (2) it has been a holy hell of a long time since I masturbated well.  

How does that happen?  I think I’m a fairly sex-driven individual.  How does that just turn off when he’s not around?  I know I was work and family focused but sheesh…sad. It’s been several weeks of blah.  I had a couple random vibrator/porn moments but I think I also fell asleep more than once thinking about masturbating without actually having bothered.  Lame. 

So, I have a task to do and I must find my mojo because I was directed to do it well.