Counting the Days

Good morning. Daddy is off enjoying a work conference this week.  It is long days and nights of team building with work mates.  I’m happy he gets to experience that. 

I am working hard on some work for my brother…not my usual day-to-day. It keeps me distracted. The daily grind gets boring for me but the minute someone says ‘special project’ I get wound up. Silly but that’s how I am. 

I had a recruiter tell me I’d be the best person she could hire for a job initially.  She said I’d be great for about 18 months but after that I’d be bored and move on. I had to agree with her.  I’m that way. I need the challenge.

Maybe that’s also why I love D/s and pain. I like the challenge. I crave the different. When Daddy pushes me to take his cock deeper and longer in my throat…I’m hooked. Push me to give more? Ok!

I miss him so much this morning. I have summer with my son to plan and no weekend picked out with Daddy yet. I want to be with him. I need him.  

I have a couple more things to write about from our last weekend but I wanted to write a little this morning not a big thing. 

I hope you are all enjoying summer wherever you are.  Hugs and kinky kisses. 

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Setting the Tone

Before I arrived for my visit with Daddy, he sent me a video of a slave being used by two Masters.  They were very harsh with her and used her body repeatedly.  They took her anally, vaginally and facefucked her.  They degraded her by spitting on her. It was a very intense scene.  She had no break and they did not let up in using her for any plea.

Daddy and I spoke about it after I watched it.  We talked about how she gave of her service and it was not at all about her receiving pleasure. As a viewer, I was initially appalled that she was used almost to the point of abuse. 

When I thought about the scene from a lifestyle perspective, I realized it was along the same lines as what I crave with Daddy. When he leaves his Daddy Protector behind and his Stern Master side comes out it puts me very quickly into a deeply submissive state.  

As we discussed the video he said, “They took and she gave. I have spit on your sex like that but never degraded you with it. I have slapped your face but didn’t know what you felt about it. There will be more discussions and demands.”

Finally he said, “You have mentioned degradation before and that name calling is a turn on. We haven’t gone to sub space in a very long time. Prepare for that on vacation.” 

Fast forward a week.  After picking me up from the airport and taking me to dinner, we went home together. We had some snuggle time then he said, “Stand please. Strip off your clothes and kneel.”

I took a deep breath and followed directions.  I pulled my dress above my head and dropped it on the other couch. I faced him then took off my bra and panties. As I knelt he said, “Very nice. Eyes down.”

My eyes were lowered already but now I knew not to raise them, he rarely specifies that. “Arms at your sides. Remember, what I said?” I knew immediately and nodded.  A race of adrenaline shot through me. I was finally with him after a month of no Daddy and now I would be tested by Master too.  I was giddy and nervous all at once. 

Depression

I feel it on me like a heavy blanket.  Time to shake it off.  Time to get busy.  One night stewing in an empty house and I turn into a head case?  I’m beginning to think I touch my Sweetie and my son all the time for my own oxytocin fix. 

Time to throw off the depression.  Time to get busy instead of sitting home moping.  I need a to-do list and a swift kick in the ass. 

This is bullshit and I know it.  

Moving on to something more productive!

Off

You ever have one of those weeks where you’re getting things done, all the balls are in the air and something happens to make you drop them?  That happened to me yesterday and this morning.  The bad thing is that as each ball hits the ground it causes shockwaves that run across its surface that upset the people you love.

I’m down but not broken.  I’ve apologized now to two people but they are both still upset and likely to stay upset.  Sighes.

Onward and forward.  I will take my lumps, try to assess the landscape and move forward in my brick shoes.  Ugh

One day at a time.  One day at a time.  One more time? Yes…one day at a time.  As Daddy says….breathe.  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  Alanon comes in handy sometimes even when alcohol had nothing to do with your fuck ups.

Sore

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I am just getting to bed and my body is sore but my mind is happy, my soul at peace. I spent a night and morning with Mr. D loving me, tormenting me, satiating me. I have some sore spots where I know Mr. D marked me and then some random odd places where I’m sore and it makes little sense. My forearm muscle…really? What’s that about?

The soreness tells me I’m owned and I’m wanted. I will give you all the details tomorrow but for tonight I just wanted to stop in to say hello. It has been a while since we’ve talked. My life skidded out of control but I’ve reigned it in for the moment.

And yes, that is really me. I wore that dress for Mr. D one day and then missed seeing him. I ended up in meetings instead. So, the shot was to show him what he missed. I thought I’d share. 🙂