Left You Hanging

So, I wrote Coming Alive Again, part one and promptly left you guys hanging for weeks.  I feel really bad about that.  And now it’s been so long since that play session with Mr. D that I don’t honestly think I can do it justice.  Perhaps he can refresh my memory so I can finish it. 

Have I told you that Mr. D got a job offer in another state? He did and today he got the actual verbal offer.  So, soon it will be a done deal.  He will move to Texas ahead of me and I’ll go later.  With family and my son to plan for, it will take me time to move.  I hope and pray this goes as planned.  

My main concern is that my son’s dad will throw out a major road block which, really, he would have every right to do.  How will my son react to me wanting to move him to another state?  No idea.   He’s just starting his teen years.  He already has a full emotional plate.

I just wanted to stop in, say hello, break my stressy writers block by talking a little about what’s on my mind.  I figured if I did that and stopped trying to return to where I’d left off that at least I’d be writing again. 

Daddy’s Day

I love Mr. D so much.  We have change coming.  Daddy had been offered a job in another state.  He found out about it on Friday.  It is a great opportunity.  He’s been in many states, I’ve always lived in one place.  He is my life now.  Where ever we go, we go together. 

This morning while we were having sex Daddy said, “We are one. Say it.”

“We are one Daddy.”

“That’s right.”

I love him desperately, wholly and always.  I have not had a love like this before.  

I think of myself as strong.  I can do anything, handle whatever comes.  I worry about the loves in my life.  I want Daddy fulfilled, I want my son happy and growing into a man and I want all my family happy and around me.

This Father’s Day I will honor my Father and Daddy in different ways.  My Dad will have his kids around him and my cooking.  Daddy will have me.  I will be his and take a deep breath and we’ll figure out where our lives go next…together.

Pain Slut vs. Baby Girl

A few weeks ago Mr. D and I were having fun with his roommates. We were drinking.  We were sitting and talking and generally having a good time.  After a bit someone said, “Let’s do shots!” Oh boy, on a Sunday night this was not going to end well.  Out came the shot glasses.  Before I knew it I was drunk and ordering pizza because somewhere in my rum soaked psyche I knew we all needed something to offset the alcohol.

Being drunk for most people magnifies their normal preset behaviors and personality.  What that meant for me was I became even more enamored of Mr. D.  I was so horny for him and I made it increasingly known.  Every time I got up to refill drinks or go to the bathroom I leaned into him for kisses and to whisper my need of him in his ear.  

The tipping point, I think, was when I told him blatantly that I wanted him in my ass.  It had been a while.  We had tried recently but it hadn’t gone well so we stopped.  I was sure, in my inebriated state, that giving him my ass was the right choice.  Caution be damned!  I wanted him so bad and I wanted to give him what he craved.  I was so sure and completely committed to this that I saw no other outcome aside from the one I wanted. 

After pizza Daddy pulled me into the bedroom.  He bent me over the bed and told me he accepted my offer.  He spanked me barehanded and warmed my ass quite thoroughly.  Then his finger slid into my ass.  He worked that finger in and out once or twice then bent me over the corner of the bed.  The pain slut in me was in ecstasy.  Yes! My ass was hot from the spanking and he was going to take me the way he wanted, no questions, no checking in, just take what was his. 

Then he pushed inside me all at once.  One long swift stroke and his cock was buried balls deep in my ass.  The little girl in me reared her scared little head and cried out.  “No Daddy no!!”  I had no inhibitions left due to the alcohol, great, but I had no control either.  My duality of pain slut and baby girl were all jumbled together.  I couldn’t stop the vulnerable baby girl from whimpering even as I realized that my ass was fine.  It was really fast but I had accommodated him.  I needed to breathe and adjust to it but by the time I had that thought Daddy was pulling out. 

He laid on the bed next to me quietly.  I knew I had done wrong but couldn’t fix it.  “What’s wrong Daddy?  Are you okay?” I was nervous, I felt so bad.  I hadn’t wanted to upset him like that at all.  I realized right away that I’d fully engaged Protective Daddy and didn’t know how to fix it. 

“We’re fine baby girl, you didn’t do anything wrong.  I’m just in my head right now.”  I could see that. Engineer Daddy was dissecting the problem and figuring out what happened.  We laid there in silence.  I did my best to be quiet but what I desperately wanted was to shake him until he came back to me. “I should have stayed inside you and you probably would have been fine.”  He said. I nodded. We had come to the same conclusion but in our inebriated state it had taken us both too long to process the information.  

One thing I learned from this experience is that alcohol does not help play at all.  We know kink play when equipment is involved  must always be sober play for safety. But we were not using any tools, just ourselves. You’d think alcohol could loosen you up but with our level of play, even at its most basic, it was a liability.  

Another thing that keeps me thinking and rolling this evening around in my mind is how the lifestyle parts of my psyche work with his.  Mr. D has brought out a baby girl and a pain slut in me. Both are fairly new to my experience.  Of course they are not separate personalities but simply descriptors for the kinky aspects  of my personality. Strangely, they seem to be at odds sometimes. To be a pain slut, I need to quiet the scared little girl to some extent or else I set off Mr. D’s protectiveness and that takes over from his sadistic side.  

What a many faceted world it is we are traveling through.  I am thankful I am exploring it with him.  

Panic

Today we had an hour.  I stopped by to pick up something he made for me.  He’s good to me.  I had to get back home though so we only had time for a short snuggle.

We lay on the bed tangled together.  We talked about the day before which had been a fun day with family.  The men had golfed then they all came to my place for dinner.   It was really nice to cook for my men after a good day of golf.  Their ladies came over too which made it especially nice.

I ran my fingers over Daddy’s chest and played with his nipple rings. I really like tugging on them.  My mind was on sex but he said just cuddle. “What are your thinking about baby girl?” He asked.

“I was thinking about sucking your nipple Daddy.”

“That’s the difference between Daddy’s and baby girls.  Daddy’s take what they want we don’t just think about it.” He said.

“Hm, then are you going to take what you want Daddy?” I was playing.  I wanted him to rape me but I was trying to be good. Being bad had recently gotten me in trouble. I suppose I wasn’t trying very hard though, I wanted fucking.

He smiled, I could see his mind working. “You don’t have much time for me to take what I want.” Here I was thinking, and that time is ticking away while we could be fucking.  But I bit my tongue. 

Ok, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Well, we have time for a little fucking if that’s what you want.” I heard his breathing change.  He waited for what felt like forever but it was about 5 seconds.

“On your stomach baby girl.” Yes, yes, yes! I thought to myself as I pushed away from his side and placed myself face down on the bed. He pulled off my pants and thrust his face into my ass.  His tongue probed and licked and tormented me.  He lifted my body and pushed a finger into my pussy.  I was already becoming wet for him.  I wanted him.  Immediately after penetrating my pussy I felt a wet finger probe my asshole.  Oh no, my ass too? I took deep breaths and he pushed his finger inside my tight hole. He wiggled his finger and tested the tightness.   I moaned from pleasure and trepidation alike.

I had a suspicion that he would take my ass today.  He had told me in the heat of sex several days before that he would take his privilege and have my ass.  It hadn’t happened then so I knew it was imminent. I heard him rumble with pleasure, “Oh, she wants me. She opened right up for me.”

“Roll on your side baby girl.” No, no, no. I thought, not now, not without any warm up.  But I did as he said and tried not to whimper.   I always do my best to give him what he wants.  Some part of me knows or at least hopes my body will fall in line and respond. He mounted me and pushed his hard cock into my pussy, oh thank god, it wasn’t my ass.  I was lulled, I relaxed and immediately began to enjoy him fucking me.  After a few minutes, he pushed a lubed finger into my ass.  This is one of our favorite positions.  His cock in me from behind and his fingers taking my ass.  It’s hot and dirty and the pleasure of it is so intense. 

Just as soon as he started he stopped.  He pulled out and tucked my legs up against my chest so I was all the way on my side.  “Play with your clit, baby.”  I moaned in denial.

“No Daddy, please.”

“Yes, slut, you owe me.  I said I’d take it and I didn’t. Now, it’s mine.” I knew he was right.  I knew I had no way out.  I braced myself.  I put my fingers on my clit and moved them back and forth fast.  Any passion, any sensation helps to take me to that place where I don’t care about anything but the pleasure. He pushed his cock right up to my tight hole.  He moved slowly and did not back down when I panicked because panic I did.  

“Slow Daddy, slow!” I grabbed the bedside table and as the fear gripped me hard.  His cock was stretching me so wide so fast.  It doesn’t hurt exactly.  It feels like his cock is pushing a hole right into me somewhere there isn’t already a hole.  His girth is so wide and it takes time for my body to open to him.  Reason flies away and my fear of tearing is all I can see.

“Breathe, baby breathe.  I’m already in.” He had stopped when I cried out but he was still inside me.  He was right, he was inside my tight tunnel.  He began to move while I whimpered and tried to calm down.  On the second stroke I felt the pleasure of the tight friction take hold.  There is nothing on earth like anal sex.  It is scary and so provocative at the same time.  It is a show of dominance and a submissive sacrifice as well.  

He began to fuck my ass faster and deeper.   My body relaxed for him and shudders of intensity rushed through my body. “What am I doing slut?”

“Fucking my ass Daddy.” I gasped.

“That’s right, I’m fucking my slut’s ass.”  He thrust hard and fast.  My eyes were closed, my head back.  I was deep into the raw feeling of it all.

“I need your come Daddy.  Please come in my ass.” I wanted to feel his hot liquid love inside me.  I ached for it, I would have done anything for it.  

“That’s my good little come slut. Take it, take my come!” He let loose and I heard him yell.  I felt his cock spasm and fill my ass with his hot load. So, so good!  I love listening to him shudder and come.  He fell on top of me as he filled my ass.

Later, after we rested and I came down from the lower levels of submission he put me in, he said, “It’s so crazy how you panic so thoroughly.  Something about that just drives me crazy.”

Me too.  Me too.