Firsts

It was a very emotional day for me. I had some things to take care of and Mr. D was there for me. He made me laugh and bolstered me up when I was sad. We had a beautiful lunch in a steakhouse that had the atmosphere of a bordello. Dark and cavernous, you walked in and your eyes took a while to acclimatize to the intimate candlelight. The walls held old paintings of Victorian women, some surprisingly semi-nude. Vintage ruby glass chandeliers completed the aura of decadence.

Our waiter was impeccable. He placed our napkins in our laps and served a sumptuous salad with flare. We had a fine lunch and then drove home. We were tired and full so Mr. D let me lie down and snuggle up against him for a while. I took succor from being close to him.

After a time, being in close proximity to each other worked us into a passion. Mr. D whispered sweet tormenting words in my ear and sent my mind to another place. How he has that power over my libido, I can’t fathom but his ways of dominance take me off into the darkness so that I never wish to return.

His hands turned me over and his thick fingers probed and violated my backside. The tight puckering rosebud opened for him and my moans filled the room. He pursued this violation with gusto and soon I wanted him to take me. I wanted him regardless of my menstruation, regardless of his soreness. I knew it wasn’t to be but I was beyond the point of reason.

His hot breath was on my ear, his thoughts caressing my psyche. “I want you to give in to me. You are mine. Your ass is mine. I will take what is mine. Tell me you want it now.”

“Yes Daddy… yes I do.” His voice caressed and incensed me until I only wanted to please him. Nothing else would suffice. Nothing else would fill the void.

He rolled me over and I realized this was truly the time. He was positioned between my legs with my knees pressed again his sides.

“Tell me you want this. Tell me this is okay, now is the time.” I could tell by his voice that this was Daddy making absolutely sure I wanted this and I was ready for it. He was stepping out of his dominance to check in with me.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” My thoughts went to his cut. I’m fine to push myself past the brink but I won’t injure him. He shook his head.

“Do you want this?” His eyes held mine, his care evident.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” His manhood pushed to the entrance of my very tight lower hole and he held there a moment allowing me to feel the stretch. He had worked me very well with his fingers right before that so I felt an ease to the first push. I nodded and he continued. His eyes stayed locked with mine. He pushed in further and stopped. The stretch bit in and I felt the pain of some small tearing. I took in a sharp breath.

“Don’t stop, keep moving in and out.” The continual movement of small strokes in and out brought with it the intense pleasure of him taking me here for the very first time. His girth is so wide, the stretch was great but the movement ushered the way for him to slide inside me at last.

He began to take me in earnest. His strokes were smooth and the pleasure so intoxicatingly erotic. Being face to face, I watched the pleasure spread over his visage and gloried in giving him something no one else has. I took pleasure in the entire experience. Even the pain of entry as he pushed in further and further shook my core. After longer than I had expected for a first time, his face contorted and his voice shuddered towards me. “Do you want it now?”

“Yes, Daddy, fill me with your seed!” I arched toward him and felt his warmth fill my nether tunnel.

The sensations and the sharing of such a moment will remain in my mind forever.

Masturbation – Part II

Mr. D switched places with me on the bed. I got between his legs and wrapped my lips around his cock. He was already hard from watching me and that made me smile. I licked and sucked him while he chose a video he wanted to watch. I love giving him head so much. The taste of him, the feel of him and the caress of his member on my lips and tongue get me so turned on. 
I really need to have a hair clip near the bed because I end up all up in his crotch surrounded by my hair. It gets in my way and I have to stop occasionally to move it. Girl problems, I know, but it stops my rhythm and I see that as not helping him build to a crescendo. 
He started watching a really hot video about a woman who ends up being coerced by a taxi driver. Mr. D loves consensual non-consent situations. I could see the video out of the corner of my eye when I chose to watch. Mostly, I stayed focused on the service I was providing him. Mr. D doesn’t cum while receiving head so I knew at some point he would take over from me. I want to build my skill to where I learn how to make him cum so I did my best to get him as far as possible. This is the third time we’ve done this and I love it so much. I love that he wants me to swallow his seed. I crave the submission of being there for him as he pleasures himself too. It’s incredibly hot.
Once he took over for me, he commanded me to put lube on my fingers and play with his ass. I loved that he gave me instruction to do this. I know he likes ass play but I’m not very familiar with providing it. I find myself hesitating when I think of doing it to him myself. Partly, it’s a logistics issue. How do you give head and push a man’s legs into position? How do you get him into the right position to then lick him there as well? How do you ask someone if they’re all clean today or if this is a good time without it slowing the build up? I know it’s not always a good time for me but I try to be as clean as possible every time because I know he will often go there. I know I’m sounding really green here but, yeah, timidity will do that. I just don’t have the experience so I end up shying away from it and I really want to please him. Any suggestions would be great!
Once I had my hand at his ass I worked my finger inside and began to move it in time with his stroking. The slippery feel of the lube and the smooth sensation of his tunnel were incredible. I could see him getting excited and getting closer. It only seemed to take a couple minutes from when we started this to when he told me to wrap my lips around his head. I felt him cumming and his warm seed filling my mouth. I sucked and gently pulled the length of him in my mouth while he jerked and came more. Slowly I pulled my finger from his ass but he still jerked because he had cum so hard and the sensations were still so strong. I smiled to know I was part of that.

We cuddled afterwards and that was pure bliss.  I am so pleased we shared such intimacy even though we didn’t fuck.  That was much more important to me.

Icy Interlude

  Our afternoon was going well.  We arrived at our destination with plenty of time. We decided to have our picnic there rather than at the concert.  I went to the kitchen to fetch drinks and when I turned around Mr. D was on a chaise lounge with his pants off and his cock hanging out. The scene was priceless. I put down the drinks and melted to my knees at the end of the chaise.  It was perfect distancing for me to slide onto the chaise and suck his cock.  Lunch was served!

Mr. D made me stay in that position as he rose and took some ice from the glass.  I was in for it.  I felt ice cold water droplets fall on my ass as he pushed up my dress. His mouth sucked on my panties as his hot tongue licked around the edges of the thong between my legs. He pushed the lace aside and I felt coldness as he inserted the ice cube all the way inside my pussy.  He teeth bit my ass as the ice teased me from inside. Then I felt a disturbance in the force, something wasn’t right. He had halted and was fumbling. “What’s wrong Honey?”

“The ice, it hasn’t come back out.  It always comes back out.” He said askance.

“Well…I guess I decided to keep it.” I chuckled.  I really had no control of the matter.  In it went and there it stayed, apparently.

“You’d better go to the bathroom and get that out before your insides are frost bitten.”

“I figured it would just melt but okay.” Internally, I was entertained.  This was some funny shit.

Since I was now a bit waterlogged done there, we took a break from sex and had our picnic.

  
Images from Pixabay through CC0 Public Domain.

So Much

 I have so much to share and the feeling of needing to get it all down is pressing.  I find if I don’t write it while it is fresh in mind then it flutters away on the winds.

This past weekend was my one year anniversary with Mr. D.  One year since meeting him and opening the door wide to a world of exploration with him.

I posted two poems on Saturday.  The Becoming Us poem was Mr. D’s gift to me on our anniversary.  I was so touched and filled with emotion at his beautiful words.  Usually, when he writes, I hold those words close to my heart for a while keeping them private.  At some point, the need to share them here grows greater than my need to cherish them in my own privacy.  When Mr. D sat me down to write on Saturday, I thought I would write of Friday night.  What came out, however, was a poem.  That was the other poem I posted Saturday, Falling.  Once, those words were on the page it seemed fitting to publish the two together.

Tonight Mr. D asked me what I meant in the first part of Falling because it concerned him. That brought something to mind for me about poetry.  When I write a poem, I want to share words and emotions in a different way than prose.  Rather than telling a detailed story, in poetry I strive for imagery. When I begin to write, I let it flow out of me unhinged in a flood.  Afterwards, I read through and hone the language and the imagery.  I have no idea how others do it nor do I have any training. I allow raw feeling with poetry.  When I edit it, I usually remove the wordiness.  I want it distilled to the raw sense, no wordy explanation to mire the flow.

What can happen with this method, clearly, is my meaning can be up to interpretation.  It can mean several things exactly because I’ve stripped it down.  That is what happened here.

I wrote that I had fallen.  I fell in love with Mr. D a year ago.  I wrote that I continue to fall.  Recently, I’ve felt a resurgence of being in love with him.  Our love has deepened and taken on more colors of the spectrum for me. I likened the falling to an endless well. Sometimes, I slow in the descent and feel at peace, content, our relationship as a comfort. The floor rises up and bouys me. No longer am I falling.  But then something happens, some event or nuance and again I feel the falling sensation again. The thing about falling in love, just like any falling, is that it has fearsome qualities.  At one moment, falling can be a thrill like flying but then it turns and becomes a fearful falling like jumping off a cliff.  There is risk involved especially for those of us that have been hurt before. Experience is a quirky thing, it can show us oh so brightly where our scars are located.

In the poem I said that fear is my comfort.  Rather than running from it, I have made the conscious decision to embrace it. I’m past running from my fears.  I did that.  It didn’t get me anywhere good.  So, these days, if It comes down to fight or flight then I am putting my toes on the line.  Whatever Mr. D and this life of ours together brings, I’m taking it. I love that he pushes my buttons.  I want to feel every damned emotion he brings me.  It is an incredible gift I’ve been given to share myself with this man, with this Dominant man.  I’m not going to leave half that gift on the table because I’m scared.  

I want to share every emotion with him.  I want to submit fully to him. I want to orgasm for him.  I want to let down every wall buried inside me.  I want it scary and raw and completely open. 

Image by You Mee used with permission through CC 2.0 and found here https://m.flickr.com/#/photos/httpwwwyoumeflickrcom/8096549465/

Luna

 

 
She carries me
In her calm whiteness
She touches me
With her shimmering face
She watches me
With her cool indifference

Her fullness expands
She rises with constancy
I am enraptured
She awakens me
I am captivated
She is so distant

Cold to the unenlightened
I tremble for the unattainable
She is warm in her light
My eyes open to her glory
She is comfort and closeness

I bask in her glow

Listen closely

She calls to us
We reach for her
Trembling in her embrace
Connecting through her
We are one

Image from Pixabay through CC0 Piblic Domain

Flogging

I’ve asked Mr. D to train me in the art of flogging.  I want to learn how to do that.  Why, you ask, would a submissive want to learn to flog?  Good question, I suppose.  I love touching other people.  I love giving them pleasure.  I feel that any way I can give others pleasure is worth learning, even if it’s a primarily Dominant wielded skill.

I manage people for a living.  I also see that as service.  I offer them a support net that allows them to focus on the capacities that bring success to themselves and their company.

I have thought on this often.  I can find the submissive streak in any discipline.  The qualities of a submissive are valuable in many ways, in many areas. There are certain qualities of character inherent in a submissive personality that are very useful.  To be submissive, you need to learn to put others first.  You need to learn to be compassionate and empathic.  You need to be watchful, to see how you can fulfill another’s needs before they know they had a need in the first place.  It requires patience to put yourself last.  It requires consistency to always desire to serve even when you are tired, downtrodden or feel used.  If you truly take the idea of service to its depths, there is no way to be used.  You have given every ounce of yourself freely.  If you see others joy as the end result and not some reciprocation or kudos for your service then you have attained the goal and that is the fulfillment of it.  Not the need for someone to praise you.

Then again, you can look at Dominance the same way.  To take someone under your wing, protect them and use your dominant skill set to bring out the best in your submissive.  To guide and lead are skills unique to the Dominant and provide ease and comfort and boundaries for those under a Dominant’s care.

Okay, enough character debate, I want to flog sexy women because it’s hot! 😍

I had the opportunity to watch a Dominatrix flog a young man for his birthday.  Afterwards she gave him the most amazing aftercare. She became a submissive and submitted to a Dominant of her own but while she was Domne she had mad skills in flogging.  Watching her was like watching a dance.  She was mesmerizing.  I want to do that.  I also want to give someone the pleasure flogging can give.  Mmm

Okay, that’s it.  My little fantasy goal.

 

You Just Can’t Make This Sh!t Up

Mr. D has told me many times since I started writing about us that I don’t have to just write about this.  I asked for clarification and he said it’s not that he doesn’t like to read about us that he wants me to write about whatever I want.  The bottom line after much thought is that this is what I want to write about. I write what’s on my mind and overwhelmingly he is on my mind.

Friday night I stayed home.  I felt feverish and overwhelmed and sick, so I texted Mr. D and I stayed put.  I think it’s the first night I’ve been alone since meeting Mr. D.  Alone in my home…all by myself.  It was really weird.  I stayed up until midnight watching a movie and ate junk.   Great way to take care of myself!  Saturday morning I slept in and felt much better.  I still had a slight cough and the sniffles but it felt more like allergies than actual sickness. I asked Mr. D if he wanted me to come over still, he said yes, yay.  So, I packed up and went to his place.  When I got there he was right in the middle of making me chicken soup.  That’s pretty sweet, to have someone care for you and take care of you too. This soup is pretty incredible.  It is a Mexican chicken soup with lots of jalapeno and serrano chilies in it.  They’ll burn out whatever sickness the chicken soup doesn’t cure.  He serves it with lime and avocado. It was perfect.  Mr. D’s fingers were on fire from cutting up all those chilies.  He was joking about putting his hands on my sensitive bits like that, yikes, no thank you! We watched movies and waited for the soup to be ready.  It was a relaxing day day.

The both of us have issues this weekend.  Mr. D had a minor medical issue too and we weren’t supposed to have sex at all until he was recovered. Ugh.  We learned before, while he was recovering from surgery, that our chemistry is such that this proves to be very difficult for us.  We’re really bad at resisting each other.  So, here we are, together and its hands off.  We really did try.  We went all day without doing anything sexual.  Then, came the night.  I can’t recall what set us off, it doesn’t really matter. The next thing I remember I was kneeling on the bed as instructed and Mr. D was putting the new ball gag on me that I had bought him as a gift.  I’ve never worn one so we were testing it out.  I bought a system of three balls of different sizes that snap into the harness.  The good thing for me is that the balls had holes so I could breath.  It was pretty hot having him fit the ball into my mouth and bind it around my face.

So, there I was, ball gag in place, kneeling on all fours on the bed.  Mr. D pushed his fingers inside me.  I hadn’t planned on play so I was pretty dry down there still.  He pushed his fingers in nonetheless and I began to get wet.  It was pinchy feeling at first but I knew that would go away as I moistened and got turned on.  He worked his fingers in deep and then replaced them with a plug.  This plug expands with a pump so it stays in place.  The feel of it expanding was so filling.  Still, I felt the pinchy sensation. I thought, okay, you’re gagged and this is very hot so deal with it…I was sure the discomfort would go away soon.

Mr. D came around to my face.  I couldn’t really see him because my hair had fallen around me and the gag also had it plastered in place. On all fours I couldn’t move well.  He grabbed the harness and whispered fiercely in my ear. “You are mine.” I nodded and made affirmative noises. “You don’t get a say anymore.  You are mine to do with as I desire.  When I ask for a response then you will answer.  You are mine now. You do not have a choice in this.  Do you understand?” I nodded vigorously then.  If I hadn’t been wet before I was wet now.

Mr. D moved back behind me and knelt on the ground at the end of the bed.  I felt him pump the plug more and then his tongue was probing my asshole.  It felt provocative and intense and still the pump had that damned pinchy feeling which was sending me right out of scene.  Plus, every light in the room was on and I was feeling self-conscious in a big way all of a sudden. Actually, the feeling had been there all the while but I’d been trying to be a good sub and ignore it.  So, then I pulled the ball gag out and spoke up. Mr. D laughed but turned the lights down for me anyway. “What, Honey, you don’t like the medical flood lights on while my tongue is in your ass?” Um, no, definitely not!  I had to laugh too even though I was embarassed.  Sex can be damned funny sometimes.

So, lights dimmed and feeling better, I got back into position.  Mr. D began to push his finger into my ass.  Since we’ve started on the road to anal sex Mr. D is very much into ass play and I love it.  I love it more and more every time we are together.  I never thought I’d be as comfortable with it as I am now. It’s very exciting for both of us.  As he pushed his finger inside I felt a sharp bite on my sensitive parts.  I thought maybe it was a hang nail.  Uncomfortable but I’ll live with it.  I already spoke up once for my silly light issue, I wasn’t going to say anything else to dampen the mood again. Mr. D pushed his finger all the way in and I felt a burning sensation.  It seriously burned and the more he moved his finger in and out the hotter it got. I kept pulling away from him in little ways even though I was trying so hard to stay in the moment.  Finally, just as Mr. D pulled the pinchy plug out of my front and thrust inside me with his cock I realized the problem.  The chili peppers!  I was on fire in the front and the back from the capsaicin oil still imbedded in his skin from cooking earlier in the day.  It wasn’t pinching I was feeling…it was fire!  And just as I’m realizing this Mr. D was feeling the same thing from his contact with my fiery ‘bits’.  He said something about the heat of the friction and then I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.  I was burning everywhere and Mr. D was just starting to feel the heat so he was one step behind.  I laughed and pulled the gag out to say, “It’s the peppers!”

He shook his head and laughed too.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  He had warned me about the heat, made jokes about it earlier and still in the heat of the moment we both completely forgot about the damned chilies.  As I said, sex can be funny!

Mystery vs. Familiarity

When you start a new relationship everything falls under the mystery column.  It is exciting and hot to think of this new person, to wonder what his likes and dislikes are, to wonder how he will feel and what he will do with you in bed.  Each time you see him it is exhilarating and opens new doors to learning about him.  With Mr. D, we moved quickly from new to exploration.  Each time we are together, there is still this sense of exploration.  Though, now, it is in a different way than before.  There is a familiarity that has also grown between us.  Being familiar with someone brings a closeness that wasn’t there during the intense newness.  But it is something on its own, something remarkable in itself.

When I get ready to see Mr. D, I have a routine.  I take care of my child, drop him at his dad’s then I have a little time to prepare.  I bathe and shave all my parts.  I blow dry and style my hair.  I choose something sexy to wear that night to greet him.  My wardrobe has come a long way since I began dating Mr. D.  All my clothes were conservative, business or mom attire.  I rarely dressed up for male attention.  I used to but I have worked in a very conservative field for a long time.  It just wasn’t in my budget to buy clothes I couldn’t wear to work.  Now, though, that has changed.  I have many things that I wear for him.  I have thong panties, lingerie and dresses to wear.  One night, I stopped at a store to make a purchase and I was dressed for Mr. D.  I didn’t know the store well and was in a hurry.  I walked across the aisles to find what I needed.  As I spotted it, I ducked back to the previous aisle just in time to catch a guy craning his neck to watch me walk past.  He did a quick 180 when I caught him.  It made me laugh but also gave me a thrill.  I knew then that I was dressing just right for Mr. D.  It delights me to do so.  This is still part of the mystery.

While we live apart, I still have the ability to surprise him this way.  So, even though we’ve been together over 7 months there are still ways to surprise each other and keep the thrill of that mystery alive.  On the other side of this though, is what comes when you begin to know someone.  There is an ease that comes. You can relax with each other and be yourselves.  Today, Mr. D took me to heights of passion as he does so well.  I will tell you about it soon.  Afterwards, I snuggled him and felt so at peace.  I was thinking about all that he’d said while we were playing.  I trust him completely to take me into the dark and sordid places but also to lead me back.  As he sat in his big chair and I kneeled at his feet I wrapped my arms around his belly and felt love for him pouring out.  His passion drugs me and when that dissipates I feel like putty.  I was feeling completely open and more vulnerable today than before.  I felt so wide open.  I wanted to tell him, I wanted to say something.  I whispered into his skin, “I love you, protect me…please.”

I have been my sole protection for so many years.  I have family.  We all have society that also protects us.  In this day and age, we have little in reality to harm us on a daily basis…except emotionally.  Really, in a 1st World way our loved ones may hurt us more than strangers in a deeply emotional way.  So, I suppose what I was feeling today was a raw openness to him.  I wanted him inside my walls completely.  I know he is beyond any walls I had set up myself for protection.  But today it felt like somehow he had gotten past walls I can’t see or feel myself.  How ever that happened I want it more.  I want to give him all of me.  I want to be completely vulnerable to him.  If I’m honest, it scares the shit out of me, but I want it and I want it with him.

Hot Dominance

Friday night was hot.  Scintillating, raw, hot sex. I have to tell you about it.  Mr. D was on fire and he made me burn, yes, he did.

He made me kneel on the bed.  Naked, except for the panties I wore for him.  They were see through black lace in the back and red satin with corset tie stitching in the front.  Scrumptious.  I have so much fun searching for lingerie that will set Mr. D  ablaze.  He warmed my ass with barehanded swats all over my exposed ass and thighs.  He pulled the full panty up until it was a thong pulled up in my crack.  I was twitching and eager for this spanking.  I felt a rush of heat when he started.  My whole body ached for it.  The more he spanked, the more I wanted.  Soon he had warmed my whole ass and the intensity was growing, the slaps were beginning to sting. I had written in the afternoon about the threshold being overstepped before but this time I wanted everything he had to give. He picked up the flogger and began to flog my ass and thighs.  The stinging intensified.  I started to moan. I began to feel it emotionally, viscerally.  He stopped flogging me and pulled my panties off.  He came up to where I knelt on the bed and shoved the panties in my mouth.  They became a makeshift gag.  He spoke then, “You are mine.  You are for my pleasure.  You will feel pleasure only because it pleases me. Do you understand?” Damn. I nodded vehemently.

Then he knelt down on the floor at the foot of the bed.  He pulled me down until my ass was level with his face.  He wrapped his arms around me and then his tongue was invading my ass.  The sensations were beyond sensuous.  The wetness and the soft fluttering of his tongue in that most private of areas contrasted so amazingly with the flogging that had just stopped.  I was deep inside a blissful cloud.

He stopped, raised himself up and the flogger now bit into my back.  Crossing my skin, the long thongs of the flogger marked me and teased me with alternating thuddy and biting sensations.  Mr. D wields the flogger so well.  I feel lulled by the hits and just as quickly he surprises me and I am panting and shocked. After flogging my back, as I’m catching my breath Mr. D is behind me again.  He grabs my ass and pulls me down until I’m crouched over the end of the bed.  He grips my thighs and pulls my pussy back onto his cock.  He begins to fuck me doggy-style standing at the foot of the bed.  It was ecstasy, it was intoxicating, I loved it.  My mouth was stuffed with my own panties, his cock buried deep inside me, my ass and back still stinging from the spanking and the flogging.

The strangest thing happened while he was fucking me.  Some kind of endorphin rush washed over me.  I felt this wave of sensation break over the top of me like the surf.  It was as if I consciously watched myself enter subspace.  I’m not sure if it was subspace but as I felt Mr. D flog me again, I knew that after that wave happened my barriers or protections were all dashed to dust.  I would be his willing slave for anything he wanted to do to me.  The pain was no longer pain.  If he had pushed me over my usual pain threshold right then I would not have known or cared.  I would have taken it all.

After a while, Mr. D commanded me to crawl up onto the bed and lie on my back.  I was in a daze from his ministrations and complied automatically.  He pushed my legs up under my knees until I was folded in half with my crotch exposed.  He told me to put my hands where his were and hold my thighs. “Keep your legs open for me, understand?” I nodded.  Then he buried his face in my sex.  His tongue and lips singled out my clit and he sucked hard.  His tongue kept flicking back and forth over my swollen clit.  At some point, I wrapped my legs over his back, around his face, anywhere I could move to squirm under the onslaught of his invading tongue.  The pleasure was so incredible.  The feeling of being turned inside out was so raw, I finally couldn’t bear anymore.

“Please Daddy, stop.  It’s too much.” I gasped.

“Too much?” He laughed sardonically as he lifted his head from my sex and crawled up on top of me.

“Yes, too intense Daddy.” I panted again as I struggled for breath.

“It’s supposed to be too intense.  That’s the point baby girl.”  He mounted me and held his cock just out of reach of my aching need. “The right answer would have been, please Daddy fuck me.”

I nodded vigorously.  Yes, of course, that’s what I wanted. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Where was my mind at that point? Gone, completely and utterly under his dominion.  I felt so taken and dominated by him that it hadn’t even occurred to me to ask.

His cock filled me again.  His blue eyes pierced me and his hand came up to my neck.  He gripped my neck tightly and fucked me hard and fast.  It was powerful and he was potent in his control over me.  I was held in his grip and felt the world collapse in on itself as I heard him shout and his cum shoot deep inside me.

As I said, raw, powerful and intense.  I swear, the rest of life pales by comparison to this.

Threshold

The last time Mr. D and I played he used a small, rubber whip it.  I don’t exactly know what it’s called.  It is short, has a thin handle and long stretchy rubber noodles coming out of the end.  He whips me with the noodles and ouch, do they sting! I brought Mr. D a gift that day. I had purchased some bondage tape and a small vibrator. He decided to bind my breasts with the tape. He sat in his big chair and had me lean forward over his lap. He wrapped the thick black tape around each breast and then bound them together. After he bound my breasts he had me lie on my back in the middle of the bed. Just getting to the middle of the bed was a challenge. My breasts were so heavy like that, standing out from my body. I had to support them with my hands.

After a few moments of getting into position and adjusting to the tape Mr. D raised my knees to my chest and climbed between my legs.  His pushed himself inside me and for a few blissful moments all I could focus on was the pleasure of him inside me. Briefly, he leaned forward and the weight of him on my bound breasts was intense. Once he was quite deep inside he told me to grab ahold of the bed frame.  His bed headboard has a section of posts in the middle of it that I can hold onto.  He commanded me to not let go.  He knows this is torture for me because I don’t get to touch him.  I honestly think that touch is a stronger sense for me than the other senses.  At least I feel bereft in some visceral way when I’m bound or commanded not to touch. After our sessions when I’ve been bound I feel a disconnected empty feeling until I get to touch him again.  It’s strange but I know it happens.  Aftercare makes that feeling go away.

As Mr. D took me, he began to whip my breasts.  Damn it hurt.  I love being under his control and feeling what he wants me to feel.  I can’t hold back how the pain feels like I used to.  I feel more confident that my reactions aren’t going to make him stop the play these days.  It’s actually rather amazing to be able to express pain or hurt to someone.  I’m so used to covering those feelings that I do it naturally.  I suppose most people do. But with the level of pain that he was inflicting on my breasts with the whip, there was no holding back.  I could barely stand it.  After a while, I was bearing it and wanted to call my safe word but I kept thinking, I can do this, I can stand it.  I was desperate to protect myself at one point and let go of the bed posts.  My whole body cried out for me to cross my arms over my burning breasts but I didn’t.  I let go of the bed and brought my arms down but didn’t cross them or touch him.  I kept them out of his way.  At that point he stopped for a few moments.

“You’re messing with Daddy’s head little girl. You have this tortured looked on your face but every time I start striking you again you get wetter and wetter. Makes me wonder.”  It makes me wonder too.  And he was right, too.  Once he said that, I realized that we were both slick with my wetness from belly to thigh.  I’ve only been that kind of wet a few times and each time it was when he was bringing me pain.

The odd thing is that if you gave me my choice, I wouldn’t choose this kind of pain. My thought is that I like long spankings where there is a lot of prep and warm up.  Then the pain builds and isn’t so stingy.  But I can’t deny how my body reacts.  There’s no faking that.  Somewhere buried deep inside me, I crave this pain and his domination.  I think a big part of the intense passion he provokes with this pain is from his dominance.  He demands I submit to the pain so I do and the result is me turning into a sodden mess under him.