Consent

During our time in Cancun we were with our kinky family and their vanilla family. So, with several non-kink folks around, we had to be careful how we behaved.  We didn’t want Goddess and El Jefe’s non-kinky family to be in any uncomfortable situations. 

There were a couple times where the lines blurred a bit.  One occasion ended up being very funny while another gave me pause. 

One morning Daddy took out the flogger, a crop and the slapper he made for me.  He bent me over the bed and gave me a small taste of a spanking.  It was a short tease meant to be the precursor for fun later. Afterwards, he left the implements on the bed. We didn’t think anything of it and went to lunch. Later in the day, when we were all sharing our pool, a couple that was part of the group chose to go back to their room through ours. 

“What are those?!?” The woman asked.  She had several vodkas in her already and she wasn’t shy. Her man was right behind her and chuckled.

“Those are toys for sex Hon.” She grabbed his hand and fell back into him as if for protection.  She looked confused. Mr. D began to explain to her and I tried to help.  El Jefe walked up behind this tableau and thought he could help too.  It probably didn’t help that all involved were plenty inebriated. 

“Honest Darling, the women who they use these on like it.  You might even like it.  You’d be surprised.” Her boyfriend trying to help.

“I like it.  It’s completely safe and you talk about it all beforehand.” Me trying to be helpful.

Mr. D tried to explain the roles and reasons of the lifestyle which would have been great had she not been so drunk and had El Jefe not decided to pick up the flogger.  He proceeded to whip the back of the couch with gusto as his friend (the woman) watched him in abject horror. Her boyfriend made the wise move to take her out of the situation. 

Later, when they were sober, she told us she understood but it wasn’t her thing.  No kidding!

The other event that happened was me asking Daddy to stop doing something that made me uncomfortable. I felt really bad asking him to stop something twice and it still doesn’t set well with me but as I think about it now I still would have asked to stop.

On the way back from the bachelor party (six of us went) Daddy and I were in the last row of a mini van taxi together.  He had me spread my legs so that he could play with my clit while the rest of the group was talking away in the first two rows.  One of the guys in the next row was watching me. His line of vision was straight toward me which gave him a view right up my skirt. He was drunk and it was dark so the view probably wasn’t what I thought but I felt very uncomfortable.  He wasn’t someone I’d ever play with and the thought of being the show for him freaked me out. 

The same thing with a different circumstance happened the next day.  El Jefe and Goddess were having room service in our room the next morning.  They had been tense with each other over pre-wedding stresses and had just ironed things out.  Daddy and I were lying on our bed because it was a comfortable spot and gave them space.  Daddy put his hand up my skirt and began to play with me but I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t normally mind in front of them but the tone was way off and it felt intrusive.  

Both times I asked Daddy to stop but they were for different reasons having to do with consent.  The first was my own consent and in the second I felt like I was speaking up for the consent of others. Would they have cared? In both cases, probably not. The random guy would have probably watched eagerly and El Jefe and Goddess would have taken it in stride even though it was a bad time.  Still, I needed the comfort level and it wasn’t there for me. 

Would I have continued if Daddy had forced the issue, yes I would have.  Did I do the right thing? I really don’t know. Daddy made an offhanded comment later about me not letting him have his way.  I felt really bad once I figured out what he was referencing. 

Exhibitionism is becoming more and more of a turn-on for me. But I need to know that the people watching have consented to it and really want to watch otherwise I worry so much about them and what they think that it throws me completely out of the right headspace. 

I should be leaving this worry to my Dominant shouldn’t I? I know it’s edge play and I should let him find the edge.  I need to learn how better to let my dominant lead in these situations. 

Sex, what’s that?

So, I have been remiss.  I languished in my time with Daddy.  He was here a blissful 9 days, I think.  I wallowed in the touch of him, the nearness of him. I had family and him around me and it was bliss. 

I should have given you all a play-by-play of our days together and then the pain of the inevitable separation but I didn’t.  I felt possessive of my time with him.  I couldn’t waste it writing of it.  Then he was gone and I didn’t have the heart to face it.  

I buried myself in work and parenting and that’s where I’ve been. It’s good really.  The lonely, missing him, feelings get pushed down and my focus narrows.  I have been cranking at work and not sad.  

Like clockwork though, I must write and here I am to face it.  The minute I began writing so came the tears.  Time to find his baby girl and dig her out of her cocoon.  

Fuck.

Obey

Daddy and I went on a romantic weekend trip recently.  While we were in town we saw a long time friend of his.  This was the first time I had met his friend and I think it had been many years since Daddy had seen him.

Daddy had told me that they had played sexually before.  Him, his friend (also male) and their wives/girlfriends had all played sexually together. So theirs had been an intimate friendship.  I had never met this friend before but I knew of Daddy’s poly past.  This was one of the reasons we had chosen an open relationship after all. 

Daddy told me that his friend was a breast man and to dress for the occasion.  I chose a low cut dress to honor Daddy and be his arm candy.  I knew Daddy would be pleased to show me off. 

When his friend arrived we talked for a few minutes in the hotel.  Daddy made some direct comments about my body to his friend.  I can’t now remember the exact comments.  I do remember feeling embarrassed by one comment and when I looked at his friend he had the same pained look on his face that I felt on mine. What was Daddy doing? I wondered to myself. 

We left the hotel and went to dinner.  During the long drive they caught up on things with each other. While we were at the restaurant Daddy again made a lewd comment about me to his friend.  I felt rather like a piece of meat.  I tried to understand what he was doing but I didn’t know his friend and I could only sense discomfort from the man.  

Though we all talked about the lifestyle and his friend having been in the local scene in the past, there was no talk or interest from him in playing with us.  As we arrived back at our hotel, I wondered if Daddy was going to make me play with this man.  He had never ordered me to play with anyone before that I didn’t know. 

We had drinks in the hotel bar.  I felt distant from the conversation.  I was perplexed.  What do I do?  Do as Daddy commands with someone I only just met?  I felt very uncomfortable.  Aside from Daddy making off color comments, there was no chemistry here.  There was nothing at all that made me want to play.  Would I obey if commanded?

After drinks we walked back to the room and his friend took his leave.  Daddy thought my goodnight to the man was a brush off.  Honestly, I couldn’t tell you if it was.  It’s very possible because I’d had enough of the uncertainty.  When his friend made noises to leave I happily let him.

I asked Daddy afterwards what he was trying to do.  He said he liked putting people off balance on purpose.  He asked me about my reactions.  He asked if I would have taken an impromptu order to play if it had been given.  He wondered if the unexpected nature of it was more than I could handle and why was this so.

All good questions.  I’ve only been with a few men.  I’m timid by nature and only like to do things that make people happy not uncomfortable. If that friend had been all over the prospects of playing with us would my response have been different? Probably.  

Did I act like the slave I want to be?  No, I didn’t.  Daddy felt disconnected from me.  I didn’t trust the situation but I should have trusted him.  That is my place, to trust and obey.  I did not. 

Packing

Mr. D is in Texas for a couple more days. Maybe I should change his pseudonym to The Texan? Naw. I know we all do our best to protect our anonymity but some of the pseudonyms I’ve seen are just plain funny. 😂 That might be a great writing prompt. A Saturday Night Live-esque skit using all the questionable pseudonyms online.  

The Liberator whipped out his big unit, I call it Thor’s Hammer.  He turned me around and standing in the doorway was none other than Magnus Trojanus.  I knew I was in for a trip to the ER.  Giddy! 

No? It could have legs.  I might work on that scenario, polish that bad boy up. What else is going on today? I’m packing up half our stuff to make Mr. D cozy in our new apartment.  Being a homespun girl, I have plenty of kitchen/bathroom stuff for two houses.  Time to get busy. 

I’m also washing the various and sundry sexy things I’ll pack up to send along with him.  He already packed most of the toys.  Can’t wait for our Texas place to have the spanking bench out and privacy to use it.  That right there is the silver lining in our stormy weather. Yeah buddy!

I think I might boot up my laptop today and do some blog maintenance.  I would love to post pictures to all my blogs but the research to find sexy and legally usable images sometimes takes as long as writing does.  I have a day dream of posting all personal pictures of my own.  Maybe someday.  At the moment, this is what you get.  I could be all Domme and say, “take what you get and like it, then lick my boots!” but that is definitely not me. Ha!

Happy Sunday Everyone!

What now?

Today Daddy and I talked and cried together from different states. We will do our best to move forward through this difficult time.  We both know we are the one for each other.  We may be pulled in two directions right now but we are 100% committed to each other. 

I love him more than anything.  I want our beautiful life together.  I want to experience so much with him.  We fit together so well.  One of his work buddies even made a joke about it.  I’m curvy on top and bottom with a smaller waist and Daddy is straight up and down with a belly.  We fit together like puzzle pieces. We are made for each other body and soul.

Daddy returns home Friday morning.  I can’t wait to see him.  

Hold Strong

For the thousandth time in my life I wish I were stronger.  Sure, I am strong.  I can bear pain reasonably well.  Emotional pain, physical pain, yes they hurt me but I don’t make a big fuss.  

The most fuss I’ve ever made has been with Daddy as he whips me. It is such a catharsis to be allowed to voice some whimpers of expression in those moments.  I’m so used to being the stoic, but I found a way to allow myself those expressions.  Still, I don’t let go much because those whimpers eventually worm their way under Daddy’s blanket of darkness and find the protective Daddy response. 

I’ve been doing my best in our current situation to be strong.  I haven’t succeeded.  I am an adult woman and at the moment I feel every bit the baby girl.  I want Daddy to be here and hold me and make it all okay.  

I talk to our wifey, Goddess, and I’m so impressed with her.  She says, “Just pack up and move.  Go to court.  Get your child and go.” If I had half of her dominance or moxey or whatever that is, I’d be in a whole different place in life.  But here I am, timid me. 

Will I ever have the life I want?  Will I ever speak up for me? Why when I do speak up I can’t handle the backlash that comes from speaking my truth?  Is there any way to train yourself to know how to deal with manipulative, pushy, toxic people like my ex? 

Again, I have no answers just questions.  

Shower Scene

By the end of the eventful day in the pool, I was slightly tipsy and very horny.  Mr. D leaned into me, kissing me with intensity.  “Want to go upstairs?” I asked.  I wanted him.

He looked around the pool, the other couples were occupied. “Yeah, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the stairs.  We waved to our crew and went up to the room.

Daddy led me to the balcony overlooking the pool.  On the tenth floor, no one could see us unless we were right at the railing. He pushed me down on the chaise lounge and pulled my bikini bottoms off.  His fingers probed me.  He worked them inside me until I was wet and ready.   He mounted me there, outside in the hot, humid air.  I was panting for him after all the teasing. 

After a brief fucking, we got up and went into the room to get more comfortable.  I took the rest of my suit off in the shower to hang it up.  Our shower was an open plan with no door and a glass block wall.  Inside there were two travertine blocks about two feet high that served as shelves.  Daddy joined me in the shower and said, “Bend over, hands on the blocks.” 

“Yes Daddy.” I did as commanded. My hands propped me up on the blocks. My head was against the wall and my ass up in the air.  He gripped my hips and maneuvered himself until his cock pushed up against my pussy.  I widened my stance until my feet were against each wall. It brought me down onto his cock.  He pumped into me while the water sprinkled over us.  I love being taken from behind and this shower served well for that purpose. 

We moved from the shower to the bed.  “Get on your side.” Daddy said.  He pushed one of my legs up into the fetal position and the other down between his legs.  He can slide right into my pussy this way and still have access to my ass.

“I own you.  You’re mine.” His cock slammed home. 

“Yes Daddy!” I said as I felt his thrust hit home.  He lubed his fingers and slid one in my ass.  I moaned loudly.  There was no one to disturb with my cries.  We were away from home and alone in the rooms.  He was relentless with his finger and then multiple fingers in my ass.  He reamed me.  I cried out and panted and held on under the onslaught. 

After a few minutes, Daddy switched our positions and was between my legs fucking me on my back. “I want your ass.  It’s mine and I’m going to take it.”

I knew that would fail miserably right then.  My ass was not ready.  I can tell when it’s a good day for anal and it wasn’t.  My body wasn’t prepared, my mind wasn’t prepared.  Oddly, I didn’t stress about it.  I was immediately resigned, I suppose.  I didn’t give it a thought.  “On your belly.” He said.  

I was on my belly waiting.  Then I realized it had been too long.  He wasn’t making a move.  It was too quiet.  I looked back up to him.  “What’s wrong Daddy?” He gathered me up in his arms.

“It’s not fair to do that to you.  We aren’t prepared and we don’t have the right toys with us.” We snuggled and I felt cradled in his care at the moment. 

“Baby girl, next week on Thursday you will take your plug and lube to work.  You will wait until the afternoon and then will put the plug in your ass.  You will wear it for two hours before you come home. Understand?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Then, I will take your ass.”

I was giddy then.  An order, planned preparation, owned and kept for a purpose.  I felt complete.