College Girl

Yes, I’m a college girl again. After a very, very long time I’ve gone back to college. I’ve finished one semester of online classes and now I’ve moved on to classes at the college.

I have two classes and I’m really enjoying them. One is a math class, I really love math. It is just so beautiful how it works. I could do to learn more math. I only have one required course though.

The other class is a Kinesiology Class. I’m studying all the anatomy terms right now. It is a class about anatomy as it relates to Yoga. So, yeah, first we have to learn the entire skeletal, muscular and nervous systems. Eeesh.

I got all dressed in yoga clothes only to find out it’s not that at all. But if I take two more classes I could be a Certified Yoga instructor. I was thinking about that and how funny it would be to be a fluffy yoga instructor. They are usually all tiny and toned. So, if you have poundage on you, would you take my Fluffy Yoga? Could be fun! I’d tailor it so fluffy folks don’t get discouraged.

I was really nervous about going back to school. Not for the schooling part, I knew I’d love that. But for the rest of life part. I had to tell people at work including my boss that I wanted to take classes. It’s rather deflating to tell a bunch of folks that you actually never did finish the degree they probably assumed I had. But I got through it.

Also, I was really concerned that it would hurt Mr. D and my relationship. My Ex would sabotage me every time I’d go back to school. He’d make everything so difficult in small ways and eventually I’d cave under the pressure. Daddy was so supportive so I took many deep breathes and figured the whole thing out. I only need 5 classes.

I realized about halfway through my first class that I was still holding my breath. Somehow, I expected Daddy to implode in some fashion like my Ex did and I’d have to quit again. But he hasn’t. He’s gotten more supportive as I’ve dedicated myself more to doing this. He came up with a great idea for my son and I to study together each day after work while he relaxed then made us dinner. So, far, it has worked out great.

I’m very happy to be back in school and doubly happy to have such an amazing hubby to support me.

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Today, tomorrow and the days after

I want to write and share my thoughts. I’ve felt stifled for a while. I’m not really sure why. So, I’ll just write a bit and hope to come back to it again. I always do eventually.

I started college again. One of these days I’ll have my degree. I’m 60% done with a summer course. It’s been about 8 years since the last time I took a class. I only have about 5 classes left to finish my degree. So, one class at a time. I’ll get there.

Mr. D and I are doing fine. I’m too busy and he’s dealing with a pain in the ass boss at work so the combo isn’t the best place our relationship has been. But we’re doing ok.

My son is in a bad place. Teenage years. Ugh. Enough said, this blog isn’t about that.

Nothing out of the ordinary to report on the sexual front. We have sex. I think we have good sex. I enjoy it. I just haven’t felt like it’s something to share. Not sure why. There has been play sessions and some hot sessions. Maybe it’s married sex, fun for us but really similar to many other times we’ve had sex. So, it’s not earth-shattering writing material. I think writing…passionate writing…takes gasping, spasming newness. That initial high of subspace, that crazy stupid insane shit you do when it’s all new and you’re high on each other, that kind of material.

I think I need to learn how to write the long-haul subtleties…the beauty of constancy. I miss writing. I miss my submission.

Good Morning

I know, I have been gone a loooong time. Vanilla life has taken over. Mr. D and I are both so busy with work and I’m now homeschooling my son. It doesn’t make for a hot bed of scintillating storytelling.

He and I both miss it. We need a way back to having time for us. I know it can be done, I’m just not sure of the steps yet. I feel like using AA slogans. One day at a time. Fake it ’til you make it. Is a lagging D/s dynamic an appropriate life issue to quote AA? Doubtful.

We did have a couple sessions when we went on a weekender to say goodbye to Frenchie. I got spankings for my birthday. Mr. D made me count by 7’s to get my total spankings. I’ll let you decide what age is divisible by seven. Ha!

Mr. D has been making a case for me to carry my new floggers and my old ones, one pair he bought me and one pair he made for me. I think about practicing with them and using them on some willing victim. Yes, I’m submissive but I think with practice I could ride the middle line a bit. A little switching in my future? Yes, maybe so.

For all this, time will tell.

Moving On

My girlfriend Frenchy has left for France. She lived with us for five months. It was a great time and I’m so so happy we had the time together. She and I lived together many years ago when we were both single and in our twenties. Time flies and here we are at the end of our forties saying goodbye.

I owe Daddy a huge thank you for allowing her to stay with us. He really knew very little about my Frenchie when she moved in but he let her move in with us (to the detriment of our sex life) and I’m so very grateful. They became friends and I’m so happy they did.

My Frenchie can be a whirlwind of fun and spunk. She’s tall and thin and full of life most days. Other days she’s sad and vulnerable and needs love and hugs. Daddy was such a good thing for her in the final months of her saying goodbye to her American life.

My girl was the best roomie. I knew she would be but still she surpassed my expectations. She’s always been one to do more than her part. Aside from being my counterpart with dishes and chores she also helped us buy many things for our new home together. She took the guest’s rule of ‘leave a place better than you found it’ to the next level.

I will always cherish our time together. Much love goes with her on her travels. Hopefully, Daddy and I gave her what she needed to be strong and enjoy the next part of her journey.

One Day – Today

I am headed back to work today from checking on my son and running a couple errands.  The life of a mom and wife is one of many small things. My son is going through a very hard time with school.  Dialing him in to this new phase of his life is proving challenging for me.  I worry about him and am doing all I can to get him back to being successful and fulfilled.

Alternatively, Daddy and I are doing well at having our lives merged back together.  We’re running errands together, doing projects on the weekends, and I do my best to cook dinner or plan dinner most nights. Daddy helps by smoking or BBQing meat on the weekend.  Adding a roommate and my son to our joined lives has taken a toll on our sex life but I think the married life part is working well.

My work and Daddy’s work have both ramped up in the last several months.  He has finished up his last position (mostly) and is moving into his new one. He is sometimes buried, sometimes stressed and sometimes elated at how they are receiving him and acknowledging his work.  Generally, he is taking it all in stride and I’m doing my best to support him as I can.

I may take a new job.  It would be more pay, but I love what I do and where I do it.  It concerns me to move positions when my son is going through issues. We’ll see.

The lifestyle…well, it will come back.  God, I hope it will.  I have faith, mainly because I want it so badly and I know Daddy does too.  It binds us together.  It draws the best from us.  It lights us on fire.

Patience girl, patience.

Coming Home

When last I wrote, Mr. D had just gotten a new position and would be transferred home. So far, we have found a new place to live and we’ll move in at the end of the month.

Mr. D is being completely overworked right now. He has the current job and the new job responsibilities together. I worry for him being stressed and tired. I’m glad we found a place so I can make his arrival easier.

I have been preoccupied myself with work, packing and house-hunting. Our D/s lifestyle has gone completely out the window. There is no time for such things in the midst of all this upheaval. I know we will find our center again but for now it’s buried in details.

I would love to say that my submission is so ingrained that I use it in these times of disarray. But, honestly, it has deserted me. The manager me has taken over. I long for the days, a month hence, when I can put the mantle of responsibility aside and kneel before him naked and in service to his needs.

Why Write?

I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. It is a clear sign that I have writer’s fatigue. Right at this moment I don’t have a burning desire to write. When this happens I struggle with it. I want to write but it’s like slogging through mud in fishing boots.

I mentioned this to a friend I used to blog with back in the day. He said that perhaps I need more immediate feedback and that’s true. When I blogged on places like Yahoo 360 and Multiply there were whole communities of bloggers and it felt like Home. We riffed off each other’s writing and it was fun. I see that happening for many on this site but I haven’t been able to scratch the surface much. I am sporadic at times and this does not build a social group. Plus, WordPress is a classic blogging site rather than a social platform.

Perhaps, it’s that I’m writing about real life now instead of my fantasies. I’ve written two different blogs in the past. They were family-based or kink lifestyle-based in some fashion. I would bounce up and down the scale of dedication to both. Real life blogging is a unique type of storytelling. You actually need some real event to write about. You can’t tell a pithy or anecdotal story if nothing interesting happened that day. If you force it then it simply becomes FaceBook. This isn’t that.

My lifestyle blog in the past was about how I wanted to learn about the lifestyle. It was a good chunk of exploration with fantasy peppered throughout. Now I write about the lifestyle I currently live. It’s been suggested that I write some fantasy again. Ok.

But if someone is coming to a reality-based kink lifestyle blog do they really want to hear my fantasies? Maybe or maybe not.

What really irks me to no end and I’m sure bothers my Dominant is we’ve had some amazing scenes, one in particular, that I haven’t written. Every time I go over the events in my mind I can’t summon the words to do it justice. So, I get down on myself and that dampens the process further.

All this has been rumbling around in my mind while steaming hot scene writing has escaped me. Your thoughts are welcome.