Coming Home

When last I wrote, Mr. D had just gotten a new position and would be transferred home. So far, we have found a new place to live and we’ll move in at the end of the month.

Mr. D is being completely overworked right now. He has the current job and the new job responsibilities together. I worry for him being stressed and tired. I’m glad we found a place so I can make his arrival easier.

I have been preoccupied myself with work, packing and house-hunting. Our D/s lifestyle has gone completely out the window. There is no time for such things in the midst of all this upheaval. I know we will find our center again but for now it’s buried in details.

I would love to say that my submission is so ingrained that I use it in these times of disarray. But, honestly, it has deserted me. The manager me has taken over. I long for the days, a month hence, when I can put the mantle of responsibility aside and kneel before him naked and in service to his needs.

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Why Write?

I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. It is a clear sign that I have writer’s fatigue. Right at this moment I don’t have a burning desire to write. When this happens I struggle with it. I want to write but it’s like slogging through mud in fishing boots.

I mentioned this to a friend I used to blog with back in the day. He said that perhaps I need more immediate feedback and that’s true. When I blogged on places like Yahoo 360 and Multiply there were whole communities of bloggers and it felt like Home. We riffed off each other’s writing and it was fun. I see that happening for many on this site but I haven’t been able to scratch the surface much. I am sporadic at times and this does not build a social group. Plus, WordPress is a classic blogging site rather than a social platform.

Perhaps, it’s that I’m writing about real life now instead of my fantasies. I’ve written two different blogs in the past. They were family-based or kink lifestyle-based in some fashion. I would bounce up and down the scale of dedication to both. Real life blogging is a unique type of storytelling. You actually need some real event to write about. You can’t tell a pithy or anecdotal story if nothing interesting happened that day. If you force it then it simply becomes FaceBook. This isn’t that.

My lifestyle blog in the past was about how I wanted to learn about the lifestyle. It was a good chunk of exploration with fantasy peppered throughout. Now I write about the lifestyle I currently live. It’s been suggested that I write some fantasy again. Ok.

But if someone is coming to a reality-based kink lifestyle blog do they really want to hear my fantasies? Maybe or maybe not.

What really irks me to no end and I’m sure bothers my Dominant is we’ve had some amazing scenes, one in particular, that I haven’t written. Every time I go over the events in my mind I can’t summon the words to do it justice. So, I get down on myself and that dampens the process further.

All this has been rumbling around in my mind while steaming hot scene writing has escaped me. Your thoughts are welcome.

Back from Heaven

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly heaven but 7 days in Cancun with Daddy was pretty amazing.  I had him to touch and hold and talk with for a whole week.  That part was divine. 

We were there to be witnesses to Goddess and El Jefe’s ten year vow renewal.  They had family and friends along for the event. Some of the guests were fun, some were crazy, some were kink-friendly and some were downright weird.  All-in-all it was an eventful week.  

The wedding was lovely.  Goddess was beautiful, El Jefe was handsome, my Sweetie was their well-spoken and touching minister.  Our friend Painted Lady was the maid of honor and I was a bridesmaid.  

Daddy and I were responsible for the bachelor and bachelorette parties.  I’ll have to tell you all about them.  They both had a little crazy aspect to them, as it should be.  We had a fun time of it. 

More to come soon.  I just wanted to stop by and say hello! 

Stop and Start

That’s me, the queen of stopping and starting again.   I suppose (so, I tell myself) that dedication does not always come in a long unbroken chain.  We all have fits of downtime, hard time, or breaks in our stride.  Clearly many more are better than I am but I pride myself on (at the very least) my dedication to beginning again. 

So, here I am for the long haul.  I’m dedicated to writing.  I’m dedicated to my Dominant.  I’m dedicated to my son and my family.  Now, what am I going to do?

What I’m going to do has been the paramount question on my mind for months now.  My son’s life is here, my Sweetheart is now in Texas.  What do I do?  When I ask for others opinions, I get them.  But really I get that person’s point of view.  They don’t quite  understand how I am so the help doesn’t seem useful.  I dearly love them all for trying.  But bottom line, I will have to make a decision and no matter which way I go, it will break someone’s heart. 

My Daddy wants me with him and I want to be with him to have our amazing life together.  But to do that I must take my son away from all he’s known and his father.  How can I choose?

Several people say, just take your son, your Ex will just have to deal with it.  That feels so crass and heartless.  The words make me recoil.  Just because he’s an Ex and he did some pretty crappy things while being an active drunk doesn’t mean it’s ok to take his son away.  He got sober.  He’s been sober for years now.  He’s a completely dedicated father.  He is selfish and lacks insight when dealing with his son but is that just cause to lose his son’s proximity?

My Daddy is in Texas now.  He chose a position that will free him from his financial bonds.  It has allowed him to make up a huge chunk of ground he lost during the recession.  He wants financial stability for our future instead of a long struggle.  I totally understand that.  We can buy a house there, a nice house for all of us.

I want to be with him always.  I can’t think of missing him too much or I start crying and I can’t lose myself to that.  I’ve never loved someone like this before.  In all honesty, I loved my Ex but nothing like this.  Daddy and I have a connection unlike any I’ve ever felt.  He compliments me, the real me, like no other.  He is so intelligent he puts me to shame sometimes.  I love our banter.  I love that he picks up on things others do not.  He is funny and lighthearted then dark and intensely sexual. All the facets of him feed the facets in my heart and soul.  He loves my son for who he is.  My son has challenges and is deeply into his puberty at the moment but Daddy sees his goodness and overlooks his growing pains.  

When Daddy moved in we were able to grow in the direction of a nuclear family.  We achieved a routine of sorts in the short time we had together.  Family dinners most nights, playing games, the little things of a complete life. My son was so enamored of it.  So was I.  We were a complete family together.  Our D/s suffered in the transition but I knew we’d eventually figure that out.  We are both focused on not letting that ever slip away. 

Now I must choose.  How do I choose?  Either way my son suffers.  If I stay, he loses out on a nuclear family.  If I go, he will be distanced from his father and will most likely have to go through a legal battle which (knowing his father’s slowness to forgive) could stain their relationship forever. 

Daddy says he will wait for me no matter what it takes.  His level of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice rival any submissive act I could ever offer him.  How can I ask this beautiful man to wait years for me?  

So, there is my torture with all my angst and anxiety.  I have laid myself bare.  Any thoughts you have for us would be welcome.  

Four And Two

      Four days since I last wrote, two days until I see Daddy!  Woo!
      Getting on a plane, packing some essentials. Daddy says it’s brrr cold there so I have to pack ALL the things.  I told him he is my warmth.  I plan on being glued to that man for four days solid.   Mmmm

      I need to button up some things here before I go.  Like, when’s the last time I shaved?  Okay, I’m not a Shar-Pei but it’s been a few days.  I need to pack and make sure the house is ready for when we return. 

      I have zero energy at the moment. I get home from work and I’m fighting sleep the whole evening.  It really sucks for getting anything productive done.  Not sure what that’s all about.  I had steak twice to get my iron up.  No idea. 

      I’m snuggled up in bed and it’s so cold I don’t want to get up yet.  The cat is even under the covers it’s so cold.

      Okay, time to get on with the day.  Hugs Kinky Peeps.

      Grumpy needy horny

      The problem with having a sex blog is you have nothing much to write when you aren’t having sex. 

      I could write about the sex I want to have when I see Daddy again.  Okay, that’s a good idea. Or I could write some fiction.  Maybe. It would be a good exercise of my writing skills.  Though, lately I’ve read several erotic fiction stories that were eh.  I don’t want to write eh.  

      The emotions Daddy inspires are visceral, it makes it easy to write about our time together.  That is the kind of writing I like, when it comes out of me in one big rush of heat and steam. 

      So, at the moment I’m dealing with some parenting issues, decorating for Christmas and thinking about painting.  We’ll see how the writing works out.  

      Stay tuned.

      Lock, Stock and Barrel

      It was the day after Thanksgiving and we were just home from shopping together for my son’s Christmas present.  Afterwards, we picked him up from our friend’s place and came home together. 

      We were lying in bed because we’re both sick and doing much of anything was tiring.  It was midday.  My son had been talking with Mr. D from separate rooms, bantering as they do.  My man and my teenager both have ribault senses of humor so the verbal jousts were entertaining.  My son does his best to keep up and he loves the game. 

      After a few minutes, he came in and crawled on the bed between us to snuggle up to us.  His arms were around me getting his snuggles and his back was cozied up to Mr. D.  I was so content lying there with my men. 

      At one point in the conversation I could see that Daddy wanted to say something.  “I have something I want to ask you both.” My son kept talking away, oblivious. Daddy started again but got interrupted by the boy chatter again.  He then pushed my son’s face down into the covers of the bed playfully. “Hush, I’m talking now.” He said. 

      My son looked up to him then and quieted down.  Daddy spoke directly to him but his eyes held mine.  “We both know I love Mom very much and I love you too. I want us to be together for always. We all know it’s just a matter of time before I marry mom.”  My son smiled at that, so did I. 

      “So, Baby Girl, will you marry me?”  I looked up into his eyes trying to comprehend the question.  We’re sick in bed with the boy, Daddy is a planner by default and this feels so spontaneous.  Is he really asking me now?

      “Will I marry you?  Wait…you’re really asking me?” I asked.  I needed clarification. He had recently told me he had a plan to ask me at our friends’ vow renewal in Cancun. (He doesn’t keep secrets long) This was definitely not Cancun. 

      “Yes, my Love, sick and in bed with the boy, I’m asking you to marry me.” 

      “Yes, I’ll marry you.  I love you so much.”  We kissed and I was so very, very happy.  Still stunned but completely happy.

      Before my son could interject, Daddy said, “And do you approve? I’m asking you too because you’re part of this.  Do you want me to marry your Mom?”

      “Yes! Definitely! You’ll really be my Step Dad now.” My son was beside himself with glee.  He’d been asking me forever when Mr. D would make it happen.

      Afterwards, we got up and went to the jewelry store just as we were.  Sick, frumpy, no makeup or a nice dress with my hyper son in tow I followed my Master, Daddy, my Husband-to-be in to pick out a ring.  

      As I sat there waiting for the sales ladies to do their thing and Daddy was on the other side of the store with my boy picking out a ring for the little guy too, my heart swelled so much it felt like it would fly away.  How perfect a day, how well he knows me.  

      I wouldn’t trade this special day for any fancy production.  No need for glitzy clothes and expensive dinners.  We joined our lives in the place I love the most.  Together snuggling in bed.