Sex, what’s that?

So, I have been remiss.  I languished in my time with Daddy.  He was here a blissful 9 days, I think.  I wallowed in the touch of him, the nearness of him. I had family and him around me and it was bliss. 

I should have given you all a play-by-play of our days together and then the pain of the inevitable separation but I didn’t.  I felt possessive of my time with him.  I couldn’t waste it writing of it.  Then he was gone and I didn’t have the heart to face it.  

I buried myself in work and parenting and that’s where I’ve been. It’s good really.  The lonely, missing him, feelings get pushed down and my focus narrows.  I have been cranking at work and not sad.  

Like clockwork though, I must write and here I am to face it.  The minute I began writing so came the tears.  Time to find his baby girl and dig her out of her cocoon.  

Fuck.

Stop and Start

That’s me, the queen of stopping and starting again.   I suppose (so, I tell myself) that dedication does not always come in a long unbroken chain.  We all have fits of downtime, hard time, or breaks in our stride.  Clearly many more are better than I am but I pride myself on (at the very least) my dedication to beginning again. 

So, here I am for the long haul.  I’m dedicated to writing.  I’m dedicated to my Dominant.  I’m dedicated to my son and my family.  Now, what am I going to do?

What I’m going to do has been the paramount question on my mind for months now.  My son’s life is here, my Sweetheart is now in Texas.  What do I do?  When I ask for others opinions, I get them.  But really I get that person’s point of view.  They don’t quite  understand how I am so the help doesn’t seem useful.  I dearly love them all for trying.  But bottom line, I will have to make a decision and no matter which way I go, it will break someone’s heart. 

My Daddy wants me with him and I want to be with him to have our amazing life together.  But to do that I must take my son away from all he’s known and his father.  How can I choose?

Several people say, just take your son, your Ex will just have to deal with it.  That feels so crass and heartless.  The words make me recoil.  Just because he’s an Ex and he did some pretty crappy things while being an active drunk doesn’t mean it’s ok to take his son away.  He got sober.  He’s been sober for years now.  He’s a completely dedicated father.  He is selfish and lacks insight when dealing with his son but is that just cause to lose his son’s proximity?

My Daddy is in Texas now.  He chose a position that will free him from his financial bonds.  It has allowed him to make up a huge chunk of ground he lost during the recession.  He wants financial stability for our future instead of a long struggle.  I totally understand that.  We can buy a house there, a nice house for all of us.

I want to be with him always.  I can’t think of missing him too much or I start crying and I can’t lose myself to that.  I’ve never loved someone like this before.  In all honesty, I loved my Ex but nothing like this.  Daddy and I have a connection unlike any I’ve ever felt.  He compliments me, the real me, like no other.  He is so intelligent he puts me to shame sometimes.  I love our banter.  I love that he picks up on things others do not.  He is funny and lighthearted then dark and intensely sexual. All the facets of him feed the facets in my heart and soul.  He loves my son for who he is.  My son has challenges and is deeply into his puberty at the moment but Daddy sees his goodness and overlooks his growing pains.  

When Daddy moved in we were able to grow in the direction of a nuclear family.  We achieved a routine of sorts in the short time we had together.  Family dinners most nights, playing games, the little things of a complete life. My son was so enamored of it.  So was I.  We were a complete family together.  Our D/s suffered in the transition but I knew we’d eventually figure that out.  We are both focused on not letting that ever slip away. 

Now I must choose.  How do I choose?  Either way my son suffers.  If I stay, he loses out on a nuclear family.  If I go, he will be distanced from his father and will most likely have to go through a legal battle which (knowing his father’s slowness to forgive) could stain their relationship forever. 

Daddy says he will wait for me no matter what it takes.  His level of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice rival any submissive act I could ever offer him.  How can I ask this beautiful man to wait years for me?  

So, there is my torture with all my angst and anxiety.  I have laid myself bare.  Any thoughts you have for us would be welcome.  

Cyber with Me

Aching inside my hot need 

No one here to touch me 

Wanting more than the dingy grey 

All the colors muddy and muted, 

Palate left dry and unused.

Start the fire, bring the color

Sitting before you laid bare

Naked and exposed

My fingers fly, reality recedes

Fuzzy slippers and laundry melt away 

All that remains is your touch

We dance the timeless dance 

Locked in typing tango

Please, I beg more

Your reply certain

An ever sweeping crescendo 

Upon my aching soul

Filling my lonely heart with

Unquenchable color

Aching Need

Daddy and I have been sick for weeks.  One of those hacking coughs that precursors something worse.  We are both finally on antibiotics and healing.  

When Daddy saw his Doctor they found that even on multiple blood pressure meds his blood pressure is still dangerously high.  They put him on a couple more.  

With all this happening, we weren’t able to have sex before he left for Texas.  I bit my tongue even though I desperately wanted him.  You want to say your sex life is worth dying for but in reality I don’t want to kill the man with ecstasy. 

But damn I want him.  Two more weeks until I see him.  Every night this week I’ve masturbated after all are asleep and the house is quiet. The need is so great that every orgasm has rocked me long past my normal response.  It’s this odd shaking shudder that begins in my sex and spasms through the rest of me.  Delicious but telling.  

I ache in a very deep way for my Master, my Daddy, now my Fiancé. He brought me to life and my body responds to him like no other.  

Counting the days…

Daddy’s Home

Good morning.  I missed posting last night.  With Daddy returning home and the election, I was distracted from writing.  

So happy Daddy is home!  We had dinner together and listened to my son lose his mind over his first election.  It was entertaining to say the least.  This has been the first time he’s been aware and involved in the whole process.  It was telling to hear how his uneducated focus was filled with the rhetoric of the internet.  I have worked to be his voice of reason by filling in the details of how government in the US works.  We’ve been working on an essay about George Washington’s presidential qualities at the same time.  Hopefully, some of our talks sink into his maturing psyche to offset all the hype and drama out there. A mother can only hope. 

Daddy is sick so I didn’t expect we’d have sex but true to our dynamic we did.  We seem to plough through whatever adversity with our sexual attraction to each other leading the way.  Yay. 

God, I needed him.  His touch and our connection light me on fire and warm me through and through.  No matter if it is a full blown scene or simply perfunctory before bed vanilla sex, I need him and it sates my ache.  

So, hopefully this fills my quota for last night’s talk and I will talk to you again tonight.  Love and hugs.  No matter if you are pleased with the election or think the cart is now off the rails, the kinky world will go on.  

Big fluffy booby hugs my people. 😘

I Want

Sooo tired today.  It was the time change yesterday but that probably had nothing to do with why I’m tired. I worked off and on yesterday organizing things, separating what should get packed etc. 

I had a big argument the day before with my Ex about stupid stuff so I couldn’t really focus in a direct way on what I needed to do. I worked then vegged then worked some more.

Tonight I am going to masturbate and go to sleep, done deal.  I want Daddy in the worst way right now. I want him here, I want his big cock in me, I want his hand on my throat.  I want to feel his dominance and his body on mine.  

Yes, please.  That’s what I want.  I want the fire and the heat.  

Beginning

My goal for today is to post each day.  Even if it’s just a few words.

Seasoned writers say, just get it on the page.  It may not be pretty or polished but that’s not the point.  The point is to be consistent. That is my lesson here.  Consistent dedication to my goals is my challenge.  So, this is today’s beginning. 

Writing a blog about a Dominant submissive relationship when it is going to become a long distance relationship is going to stretch my skills…as well as stretching my emotions and everything else that goes along with this. 

As long as I keep writing, I can get through this.  We can get through this.  I will continue to be as open as possible.  Writing will help us stay connected, stay bonded.  I will do whatever it takes to keep us together.  This is the beginning.