Home Again

I have wonderful news to share. Mr. D interviewed for a job here and got it. He will be coming home to me! After a year of flying back and forth to see each other we will be in the same home sharing the same bed every night. Yay yay yay!

I loved many parts of this year but I’m so glad it is coming to an end. I loved going to visit Daddy. I loved the dedicated alone time we had when I flew there. It was like our own BDSM hideaway. I will miss that. I will miss our new state and the people there. It was a beautiful state with friendly people. I loved that we toured around like tourists together.

I think it is the pain slut in me when I say I’ll miss missing him. I hated leaving at the end of every trip but I liked feeling those feelings. Odd to say that I liked my tears but they did show me how deeply I love him and how anchored my submission to him is in my heart.

So, it will take some time and planning but he is coming home!

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Frenzy

He spins me into a wild sexual frenzy. We had sex for hours last night. It was intense, deeply-controlled dominance that led our sexual play. He stirs such passion in me. I ached to have him again right after we were done.

He left this morning and I won't see him for another month in all likelihood. This morning should have been a longing kiss goodbye and me off to work but once again we were at each other. Rutting and needy.

Now I sit at my desk and I am hungry for him. Hungry for his body, starved for the touch of him under my caress, reaching out with my mind to hear his kindred response. He said we are One. He is right about that. My pussy throbs as though his hands are close and his cock available to me now.

I love the frenzy. My body clambers for his. My blood is simmering beneath the surface. Damned the distance, it wants what it wants. It wants the fire and he is the kindling.

Cry if You Must

“Kneel for me by the bed. Take the vibrator and put it on your clit,” he said. I did as told.

Already I was defeated. I knew this would be fruitless. I had no delusions that I’d be able to give him an orgasm this way. My body was decidedly not ready to be turned on. Have you ever had those days?  One where you knew it was going to take a lot to get your motor running?

I told myself to push those defeatist thoughts out of my mind and damned well do what Daddy wanted. I got on my knees near to the bed.  He laid on the bed so our faces were close together.  I was naked and put the vibrator on my clit on low speed.  As Daddy talked in my ear, my body warmed to the idea. The vibration awakened my clit and it began to feel good. 

All the while, Daddy talked in my ear.  “You’re my good little slut, my whore and you’re going to give me what I want aren’t you?”

I cringed. I was certain my knees would give out far faster than my mind would submit and allow me an orgasm. I whimpered in agreement and kept going. 

The more he talked the more my body responded.  His filthy talk and the names he called me spun into a sinful cyclone of pleasure.  I ached to obey. I longed for him to keep going, to debase me further. 

“You’re my dirty cum whore.  You will cum for me.” Damn, I wanted to so badly.  My knees were shooting pain but my body was finally kicking into high gear. 

I whimpered again.  I was getting frustrated with myself.  There seemed no passing a certain point, no thrusting myself over the edge.  The pain in my knees was interfering with my progress.  I looked up to him as my body slumped on the side of the bed. “Cry if you must but you will cum for me.”  He turned the vibrator to high.

Damn! I swear if I had any hope of cumming in this position that would have sent me over the edge.  That was fucking hot! All the times I ached for Harsh Daddy flooded into my mind…every last fantasy that he now fulfilled.  

It occurred to me that my feet were now completely asleep.  I cried and kept that cursed vibrator where he wanted it though.  I’d be damned if I was going to let my Fantasy Dom Incarnate down after he gave me what I always craved. Fuck. 

Finally, I looked up to him with tears in my eyes.  I was so dejected that my body had no hope of rising above the pain to achieve the goal he demanded. “What is it, slut?” He asked.

I paused and agonized but finally said, “My knees are in pain and my feet are asleep Daddy.  May I please stop?”  He gave me permission. 

Later he asked why on earth I didn’t call my safe word earlier, but really how could I?  This is what I’ve always wanted. 

Starting Again

It has been ages since I’ve written.  So long now that this is well and truly a starting again.  Sigh. 

But I do want to start again so I will.  I left Daddy at the airport again today.  This living in two states and being a baby girl is turning me into a wilting flower.  I just think of leaving his side and I start weeping.  I’ve turned into one of those crazy  ladies who cry at airports.  A friend of mine’s mother would fall to pieces saying goodbye at airports. I thought it was terribly quaint and just a bit funny every time she did it.

But now, at some point during our drive or getting packed or saying goodbye I feel the tears. Daddy says, “No tears now,” and I feel quite vulnerable and well…baby girl.  I want to run into Daddy’s arms and have him tell me it’s okay.  But I put on a strong face and I act like my normal self to get through it. 

I feel unhinged but then I retreat into myself again to be the strong single mom.  He has uncovered my soft, utterly vulnerable, inner girl and I have to lock her away again each time. 

Sometimes it seems harder to find her again. This time Daddy was here for a week and I felt more my pragmatic shell of a self than usual. Financial concerns, work and parenting were hard to put aside. We didn’t have any alone time together.  Either my son was with us or we were caring for friends who needed our love and attention.  All good and necessary things but god I miss him.  

I miss being his baby girl. I miss being his submissive.  I want to be selfish and greedy but I try never to be that.  He is all I ever dreamed.  He is dirty and kinky.  He is so incredibly intelligent and caring.  He is my two sides in one person. My pragmatic mind finds a match in him. My business mind has a partner. My little girl has a protective Daddy. My dirty little slut has someone to make her debase herself for his pleasure. 

I had him all to myself for a while and I fear this new place we’re in. I fear at some point he’ll give me up. I fear this is too hard on him. I fear for his health, which is not good. I fear every little setback thinking it will be what breaks us. If there is a Divine plan at work please let us work, please let us find a way. I try everyday to believe we are okay and we will succeed.

Lastly, if I’m completely honest, I fear to write.  I’m afraid of saying something that will cause the protective Daddy in him to do something I don’t want because it’s for my own good.  I can’t stop that fear but I can force myself past it.  For good or ill, I will be brave and write. 

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Time to go back home to my responsibilities. I have had another beautiful and perfect weekend with Daddy and Master.  I call him both now for he has become two.  More than that really.  He is my everything.  My husband-to-be, my muse though he calls me his, my protective Daddy and my stern Master.  

I have not admitted this and granted I’m realizing this as I write it but I need challenge, I need struggle, I can become distracted and bored with less.  My mind is ever active, ever working and ever analyzing.  Daddy and I are more alike in this than I knew. 

He fits me so well.  He told me tonight that I fit him like a glove.  He’s so right. Our bodies fit together but moreso than that, our minds fit together.  He challenges me.  He is relentless in exploring our chemistry.  He finds his way inside my mind, centering my passion, delving to the depths of all that is me.  He worked his way in, he broke the fortress I had become.  With his kind heart, his reprobate swagger, and his force of will all governed by his engineer’s mind he took me and made me his. 

How do I go home tomorrow?  How do I part myself from him when I am so cleaved to him that I feel half a person?  All I want is to shut the world out and live in a dream of service to this man. I want to allow him to debase me, lay me bare, then raise me up from the ashes he created to build me again in the image he sees. 

Sex, what’s that?

So, I have been remiss.  I languished in my time with Daddy.  He was here a blissful 9 days, I think.  I wallowed in the touch of him, the nearness of him. I had family and him around me and it was bliss. 

I should have given you all a play-by-play of our days together and then the pain of the inevitable separation but I didn’t.  I felt possessive of my time with him.  I couldn’t waste it writing of it.  Then he was gone and I didn’t have the heart to face it.  

I buried myself in work and parenting and that’s where I’ve been. It’s good really.  The lonely, missing him, feelings get pushed down and my focus narrows.  I have been cranking at work and not sad.  

Like clockwork though, I must write and here I am to face it.  The minute I began writing so came the tears.  Time to find his baby girl and dig her out of her cocoon.  

Fuck.