Have you ever noticed there are levels of intimacy within the whole scope of touching? Clearly sexual touch is intimate, you only do it with people you want to share that experience with usually. The best sexual touch happens with someone you are emotionally intimate with.
I was thinking today that other touching also carries differing levels of intimacy. You hold hands with people you are close to like your children and also your husband or wife. That one isn’t sexual at all.
Face touching also falls in the category of intimate touch. I touch my child’s face and also my lover’s. There is something so intimate about it. I feel such a closeness being allowed to stroke Daddy’s face. I feel like the most inner of his inner circles. I love the sensation and the intimacy, it fulfills something deep inside me.
I’m the same way with my child. He loves when I touch him, it eases his angst to have his arm touched or to get a hug. If we’re all piled on the couch I notice I randomly touch whichever of my guys I can reach. I love that. It calms me too. It puts me in a cocoon of warm, intimate calm.
I learned too late to allow my mom to do this. My dad has always been the parent I had the closest connection with. Dad always had tickle fights and all us kids would pile onto his bed for stories or wrestling or just to talk. He was at ease and comfortable around us. Mom was very loving but she didn’t really extend that love to touch while we were growing up. She wanted massages from me all the time but she wasn’t a ‘warm fuzzy’ kind of person.
In my later years she began reaching over to me at parties to cup my face in her hand. It felt invasive and out of place. I allowed it because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I look back now and wish I had welcomed that touch more.
I love to give and receive touch but I really have an addiction to touching Daddy. He is so touchable. I can close my eyes and feel him now. It brings the warmth and calmness to me even though he’s not here.