Focus

With the impending move, I feel like our lives are on hold or in a curve of the road. At any time, the wheel will turn and we’ll be heading in a different direction. It puts me in a holding pattern. For someone so focused on forward movement and
the ever present to-do list, it is challenging for me. Mr. D moved in not too long ago now. We’re past the unpacking but still in the organizing/downsizing/hanging pictures phase. Now the pictures just sit on the floor in the bedroom. I want to hang his pictures, make him feel like this is his home too. But, soon it won’t be. What does a nesting submissive do in this situation?
So far, I am continuing to do many of the things I set out to do in order to make our dynamic work in a house with a child. I serve Mr. D in all the ways I am able. I cook the family dinner most nights. I dress for him. I’ve only worn pants to work 3 days over the past 2 months. I have a growing selection of dresses I wear expressly to please him. I’m close to converting my entire wardrobe to ultra-feminine clothes that please Daddy. I get compliments all the time at work now. Even for a conservative place, I’m able to step up my femininity so that when I arrive home from work Daddy is pleased with what he sees. I’m still working on wearing makeup more often. I’ve been lax on that since motherhood took over my life and it’s slow to return. I do wear it for him when we go out but I want to be better at this for him. Like any new habit, I try to start it, and then I have to try again when I completely forget that it was a goal.
I’m taking good care of all of us with food selections. I do my best to feed my men healthy meals. I keep the house as clean as I’m able with as packed as our little place is with stuff. Each month I take a couple boxes of things to the Salvation Army. Slowly and steadily I make small changes and we become more organized and more comfortable in our space.
Last night, Mr. D and I looked online at houses in the Dallas area. I felt excited to see all the possibilities there. We saw several houses and narrowed down a bit what we each like and want in a home. The houses are larger there and less costly than here. It makes me happy and hopeful to focus on the fun, exciting part of our coming move. I’m pretty good at not stressing about the hard parts generally. I consciously have to choose not to think about those things at all and to put them away for now. Things like, how will my son react to moving? Will he settle in and be happy there? Will his dad fight us over moving him out of state? How will all this work? Am I going to make one of my men unhappy so the other will be happy? How do I follow my heart and still be true to being a good mom? At the moment, I choose to set this entire mental conversation aside. It’s pointless. One day at a time. At least I learned that from Alanon.

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