This weekend I spent a large amount of time being 100% present with my son. We turned off all electronics and did things we hadn’t done in a long time. We played with old toys, we colored in adult coloring books, we worked on a science project together. It was very needed. But coming out of the weekend, I have this feeling of loss. I didn’t write, I didn’t get anything else accomplished.
I see myself and know that I can be very good at multi-tasking when it comes to work or household chores. But, I can also have very pinpointed tunnel vision. I see my blog and I either write in great volumes or I’m non-existent. My friends either see me a lot or not at all. During my time with Daddy, my friends have voiced how I have disappeared, sucked up into the vortex of my desires to be with Daddy.
I am not a half measure person. I am completely engulfed by Daddy, ensnared by the connection we have. Our lightning and thunder fills my every waking thought until I realize that I’m needed by my son or I eek out an afternoon for one of my friends.
Balance, what’s that? I don’t do balance well. I try very hard, but I fail a lot. I’d love to be one of those regimented souls who can consistently do little bits here and there and keep all the balls in the air. I recommit to that on a consistent basis. I suppose that’s something.