Chagrined

Daddy and I were talking and teasing in text.  We hadn’t seen each other for many days and both wanted the other rather desperately. 

As we were sharing our need of each other in text, my son was talking to me and at one point my brother was also talking to me.  Actually, my brother and son were yammering at each other and I was trying to keep my thoughts focused on what Daddy was telling me in text.

Daddy told me that he’d written for me.  I was to wear the butt plug and masturbate for him before I was allowed to read it.  If I did that then before I came, I could read his words and come to them. With all the boy/men noise in the house at that moment I barely got the message.  In jest, I texted Daddy back that I’d be pleased to do his ‘chores’ as he’d asked.  Ha ha,  I thought, he’ll think his little subbie was being playful and cute calling masturbation a chore.

Well, he most definitely did not think it cute.  The next text stated that whether I thought it a chore or not I’d better be prepared to do it and do it well.  He was not happy to hear that his allowing me to come for him was thought of as a chore. He told me that he expected me to arrive at his home the next night dressed to kill and ready to please.

I felt my heart drop down to my knees at that message.  What the hell was I thinking? What had I said? I had to go back up and read it.  The boys were still arguing so I took myself into the bathroom to get some quiet. Oh god, what have I done now? I thought. 

I apologized immediately but Daddy was none to pleased. He said I was his slave and his slut and he would enjoy me in all my roles when I arrived the next day.  I was beyond mortified.  He said some lovely things in text but I was still reeling from my own behavior and could barely get out of my head to read his loving words.

The next day was crazy busy. I was late getting dressed but I dressed to the nines as commanded. A tight black and white skirt that left nothing to the imagination, a low cut white blouse with black and white four inch heels to complete the look. He had specified no panties so there were none.  I drove to his place and prepared for his wrath and punishment.

I got a couple texts of Daddy checking in on me towards the evening.  They were soft and loving in tone.  I wondered if he felt bad for being strict but was too wrapped up in my anxiety to calm down.  I told myself to put on a smile.  Being dressed to kill was for him and wearing a sad pouty face just wouldn’t be serving Daddy.

When I arrived Daddy was sitting in his chair and there was a huge present on the bed.  He smiled at me and made me do pirouettes for him to see all my outfit.  He loved it.  Then he broke into a smile and finally outright laughing.  I looked at him askance.

“You want to be suuuch a bad girl but you’re not.  We talk and then I call you on your bad girl ways and you freeze up and start apologizing immediately. My good little bad girl.” He chuckled some more.  I began to smile.  He pegged me and I wasn’t really in trouble. The anxiety started to go away. 

He had me strip but leave the stilettos on. He sat on the bed and had me sit down on his cock. With my hands on his big chair to brace myself, I fucked him in that position.  Even with the stilettos on it works really well.  All I have to do is sit on his cock and ride him up and down.  Very nice.

He put the Hitachi on me and went down on me with such intensity.  I know he wanted to force an orgasm from me but I couldn’t get out of my head, out of the anxiety I had carried all day worried about him. He stopped everything and made me talk to him.  After a very long week, I needed time to reconnect with him.  I just couldn’t get into play that fast that night.

He gave me my birthday present.  It is a beautiful traveler’s easel and brushes. He said I write for him, I take care of him and everybody else, he wanted me to have something I will do for me.  He wants me to have time to think and paint. I love him so much.  He makes my heart swell and tears flow.  I wish I was in his arms right now.

The odd thing about this whole evening or about me, I guess, is that I hate that feeling of being in trouble but I love being put in that place of submission so harshly.  I ached for him to punish me and take out his frustrations upon my skin and psyche. I have wanted him to find that dark place again and unleash it.  That dynamic is what sends me to subspace after all. 

The problem was I felt so vulnerable in having displeased him that I think I worried him.  Daddys like to take care of their girls and he did what he thought was better for me then.  Daddy is always right. 

I did not like that I felt off.  I did not put myself in a proper headspace for play.  Jittery is not a good place to submit from.   I dressed for him but I did not prepare enough mentally for him.  I need to stop and breathe.  I need to be in the right place mentally for him and I wasn’t.  Lessons come all the time, I just need to pay attention.

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7 thoughts on “Chagrined

      1. jackchatterley

        My dear lady,
        I have the same trouble from time to time. Even worse, because I’m sometimes a bit pessimitisc and I fear that the worst is to come… Somestimes it’s a relief as nothing so bad as I feared happens πŸ˜‰

        It’s a cuestion of taming that habit

  1. The part you neglected here my lovely cumwhore is that earlier in the conversation you said “I’m in trouble for that and you know how I like trouble!” Or some such thing and I said “you aren’t in trouble” but it planted the seed and when the opportunity presented itself I gave you the trouble you wanted.
    Or thought you wanted. Lol

    1. Yes Daddy, that’s right. I forgot that part. Damned the little brat inside for asking for trouble!

      I can’t help it. I fear it and I want it so badly. Ugh, the juxtapositions that will take me to hell and back! 😘

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