I held onto my calm for about two days. Being told a parent quite possibly can’t breathe on their own anymore took a toll.  

I ended with with a dinner party at my house last night because it just worked better at my place.  But I tried to get to the hospital all day and didn’t make it.  By the evening, prepping dinner, I wasn’t in a good place.

We ate and my friends were understanding when I cut the evening short.  I just couldn’t focus on anything else. 

Daddy stepped in and stayed at my place with my child so I could go to the hospital.  I was concerned because it was already late and he can’t sleep without a c-pap, because of sleep apnea.  But he assured me they’d be fine.

I was distressed and sad.  Daddy gave me a hug and I just didn’t want to let go.  I felt the tears coming.  I have been in caregiver mode up until now so I haven’t cried really at all. I still need to do that I guess.  My boss told me it’s good to do that otherwise your grief comes shooting out sideways in a way you don’t expect.  That sounds pretty wise.

Anyhow, life intrudes big time on lifestyle at the moment.  Daddy was my savior last night for staying all evening at my place.  I came home and he was still up reading.  He had changed into a tank and shorts.  I wanted him as soon as I saw him.  He has big shoulders and a sexy tattoo, so seeing him in a tank just makes me squirm.

We cuddled and talked.  Then he started tickling me and made me laugh and squirm in an entirely different way.  I love him so much for making my night end with fun. 

Image from Pixabay under CC Public Domain