I’m writing to write. I feel a little unsettled and it is stopping the flow of my writing. I know there’s a bunch to write…stuff to think and do and relate to you. It’s just stuck behind a wall. So, I figured I’d knock out a little hole and hopefully it will break open the dam and allow a flood of words to follow.
I’ve been thinking this week about life stressors and how the non D/s parts of life affect the D/s dynamic. Most of the time, I feel like D/s is an escape from the day-to-day aspects of my life. But what happens when those day-to-day things bring on enough stress to tip the balance and dampen the mood?
The last time I was with Mr. D is a good example. I had a dozen things on my mind. It was mid-week and we both had a lot of work and life on our minds. We both shared our days and what we were dealing with. It is so reassuring to have him there to listen and talk through life concerns. On our mid-week night together we only have a narrow window of time between when I arrive and when Mr. D needs to be asleep. Usually, I shower and prep myself at home before I leave and use the drive time to get my mind switched over into sub-mode so that I’m open and receptive to whatever Mr. D wants or commands of me. On this night, I had a late meeting and hadn’t done that. My mind was still in day-mode.
After we talked, we snuggled up in bed and began to let the day go. I didn’t even have my thought focused enough to wonder if Mr. D wanted sex. I was still mulling over mundane things with the damned committee in my mind. Soon after I put my head down on Mr. D’s chest he grabbed my hair at the back of my neck and I was surprised by the sudden heat coming off of him. I was blindsided by his lead. Not because I didn’t want it, I did, but I wasn’t in the right mindset yet. His grip helped a great deal to refocus me in that moment and switch gears.
I was able to put away the day right then because his desire crushed the committee into the backseat. Still, I felt the hesitation in my body while we played. The mind is really and truly in charge of passion. It needs to be fully on board or the body is going to have trouble following.
I have the luxury of someone to lead and command my attention. How do I, as the submissive, give the same level of support to my Dominant if it’s needed? It’s not an out-of-the-ordinary problem. Everyone finds themselves stressed and unfocused at times. As a submissive, how am I to help in that circumstance without it being a case of topping from the bottom? I can be supportive but is that about the extent of it? I don’t know.