Mystery vs. Familiarity

When you start a new relationship everything falls under the mystery column.  It is exciting and hot to think of this new person, to wonder what his likes and dislikes are, to wonder how he will feel and what he will do with you in bed.  Each time you see him it is exhilarating and opens new doors to learning about him.  With Mr. D, we moved quickly from new to exploration.  Each time we are together, there is still this sense of exploration.  Though, now, it is in a different way than before.  There is a familiarity that has also grown between us.  Being familiar with someone brings a closeness that wasn’t there during the intense newness.  But it is something on its own, something remarkable in itself.

When I get ready to see Mr. D, I have a routine.  I take care of my child, drop him at his dad’s then I have a little time to prepare.  I bathe and shave all my parts.  I blow dry and style my hair.  I choose something sexy to wear that night to greet him.  My wardrobe has come a long way since I began dating Mr. D.  All my clothes were conservative, business or mom attire.  I rarely dressed up for male attention.  I used to but I have worked in a very conservative field for a long time.  It just wasn’t in my budget to buy clothes I couldn’t wear to work.  Now, though, that has changed.  I have many things that I wear for him.  I have thong panties, lingerie and dresses to wear.  One night, I stopped at a store to make a purchase and I was dressed for Mr. D.  I didn’t know the store well and was in a hurry.  I walked across the aisles to find what I needed.  As I spotted it, I ducked back to the previous aisle just in time to catch a guy craning his neck to watch me walk past.  He did a quick 180 when I caught him.  It made me laugh but also gave me a thrill.  I knew then that I was dressing just right for Mr. D.  It delights me to do so.  This is still part of the mystery.

While we live apart, I still have the ability to surprise him this way.  So, even though we’ve been together over 7 months there are still ways to surprise each other and keep the thrill of that mystery alive.  On the other side of this though, is what comes when you begin to know someone.  There is an ease that comes. You can relax with each other and be yourselves.  Today, Mr. D took me to heights of passion as he does so well.  I will tell you about it soon.  Afterwards, I snuggled him and felt so at peace.  I was thinking about all that he’d said while we were playing.  I trust him completely to take me into the dark and sordid places but also to lead me back.  As he sat in his big chair and I kneeled at his feet I wrapped my arms around his belly and felt love for him pouring out.  His passion drugs me and when that dissipates I feel like putty.  I was feeling completely open and more vulnerable today than before.  I felt so wide open.  I wanted to tell him, I wanted to say something.  I whispered into his skin, “I love you, protect me…please.”

I have been my sole protection for so many years.  I have family.  We all have society that also protects us.  In this day and age, we have little in reality to harm us on a daily basis…except emotionally.  Really, in a 1st World way our loved ones may hurt us more than strangers in a deeply emotional way.  So, I suppose what I was feeling today was a raw openness to him.  I wanted him inside my walls completely.  I know he is beyond any walls I had set up myself for protection.  But today it felt like somehow he had gotten past walls I can’t see or feel myself.  How ever that happened I want it more.  I want to give him all of me.  I want to be completely vulnerable to him.  If I’m honest, it scares the shit out of me, but I want it and I want it with him.

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