Last weekend, I arrived at Mr. D’s later than planned and concerned because Mr. D had had a rough night and I didn’t know why.  When I arrived, I felt bad that I was late and he had to wait to eat because of my lateness.  I also wanted to hear about what was happening in his life.  He let me know his mom was having problems and we talked about it for a bit then we went to eat.

Upon arriving home, he said we should get into warm clothes because it was freezing in the house.  We Californians are not always prepared for the sudden onset of winter.  Warm clothes have to be dug out of closets or in my case purchased.  We have to figure out how our heaters actually work, replace filters that haven’t been used all year because it’s usually warm…you know, the things other people do as a matter of survival.  We’re a bit spoiled and we know it. 🙂 Mr. D said, “Let’s go into the living room and relax a while.”

I was in a quandary though because under my dress I was wearing a sexy babydoll that I had worn especially for him.  So, I went into the bedroom to change but instead of donning warm clothes I simply shed my dress so that I could present him with his gift. When I came into the living room he seemed quite pleased with it.  He had me turn slowly and he felt the soft material on my body as I turned.

I had yet to greet him properly so then I knelt before him.  I scooted up between his knees and wrapped my arms around his middle.  I laid my cheek on his belly and held onto him.  I love the feeling of submission when I kneel to him.  We stayed in that position for a time but having me kneel to him always seems to escalate our sexual awareness of each other.  It is such a lovely side effect of submitting to my Dominant.  Quickly after that I had his cock in my mouth.  I love having him in my mouth so much.  He requires me to ask permission now.  As soon as he is in my hand I want to have him in my mouth.  But it is his choice and his lead so I must ask.  I feel his dominance and know he is slowly training me because I used to be able to suck him whenever I liked but now I must ask properly using full descriptive sentences.  I am also slowly losing my shyness at saying such things out loud.  I’m so glad he is training me this way.  I love his control.

In short order, Mr. D asked me to rise of follow him.  He stopped in the hall and indicated that I should enter the empty spare room of the house.  He recently put his spanking bench in that room.  The picture above is his bench.  He made it himself.  It is very comfortable to use.  I know I could eventually be on this bench a long time.  I hadn’t heard him clearly and I was a bit out of sorts from the abrupt change in action.  With the concerns on my mind from earlier in the evening and thinking we were to relax, I was a bit off I guess.  I waited in the hall so I could see him come back out of the bedroom if I had misheard him and he wondered where I was.

Shortly, he came back from the bedroom with items in hand and ushered me into the room.  He motioned for me to undress and pushed me nude up against the cold wall.  The shock of the cold and his strength served to force the air out of my lungs in short shallow bursts.  He took his flogger in hand and I noticed he’d shortened the tails by the way he gripped it.  He held my neck to the wall and flogged my breasts each in quick succession.  One side then the other received the torture of the tails.  Right before he started he told me I was a good girl or a good slut, I’m not sure which.  Either way, he was letting me know that this wasn’t punishment, it was play.  My nipples, especially the left one, was on fire so quickly.  It hurt so much.  I couldn’t get my mind in the right place.  It just hurt and I held on as long as I could.  We’ve gotten to a place in our play where I can beg him and tell him “No Daddy, No” and the play still continues.  I can express my anguish but not have him stop.  True to form, I started begging and whimpering and he still continued.  He stopped a couple times for breathers but that was it.  I felt disconnected from him.  I’m not sure why.  It could have been several things, perhaps I hadn’t let go of the concerns of his family or my lateness, perhaps it was the cold or the bright light in the new room, or maybe it was just that we were both in different head spaces.  I’m not sure.   But I do know that I did not slip under into the ‘subspacey’ place I usually go with him.  Because of that, I felt all the pain just as it was…painful.

After the breast flogging he had me mount the spanking bench.  I love the feel of it.  The padding and the spacing of it is very comfortable.  He put in a butt plug and commanded me to keep it in me.  As soon as he pushed it in, I just knew the thing was going to slide right back out.  I despaired.  In that position and with the toy lubed as it was, I had no way of holding onto it.  How do people do that?  I seriously tried but the thing plopped right out of me both times.  Mr. D held my neck to protect me and keep my in place while he flogged my back and my ass.  The sensations of being flogged on my back were incredible.  I loved it.  I could have stood that treatment for a long time.  He would work his way along my back and down to my ass.  As the tips of the flogger tails reached the sweet spot right below my ass cheeks I would yelp with the smarting bite of it.  All-in-all I loved the flogging on my whole backside.  I would tense then relax then tense again.  When I tensed, that’s when the damned plug would come out. I loved feeling him working the flogger over me and in my mind I saw how he placed the tails over my skin in a very calculated way.  I really think I’d love to flog someone and get into the science and technique of it.  As the receiver, sometimes my mind slips into his headspace a bit.  I feel how he warms up the skin, lulls my mind and body and then comes in for the surprise stingy hits in devised angles across my body so that there is a buildup in sensation.  I love the skill in that.  It impresses the heck out of me.

As for why I wasn’t in the right headspace, I have ideas but nothing really concrete.  It seems to be a connection thing.  When he punished me for not kneeling to him he threw me into subspace in an instant.  The same thing happened when he kept commanding me to be silent and when he surprised me by pushing me up against the wall in the bedroom when I was on my way to the shower.  There is a definite connection when either of us have strong feelings or actions.  They say the mind is the most important sexual organ and I’d have to agree.  When my focus is off then so is the connection.  I don’t think it has anything to do with foreplay or location or temperature.  If he’s in my head, everything else disappears.