I’m going to write this post because I need to process through our session Sunday but I really think it would be more accurate if Mr. D wrote it.  During part of the session, I was adrift.  I felt completely under his control to such an extent that I’m not really sure exactly what happened step-by-step.  I am beginning to see what can be dangerous about being in subspace.  If you are on another planet emotionally, you need to completely trust your Dominant to care for you and know when to push things and when to scale them back.  The more I play with Mr. D the more I see how much I already trust him and the more I feel myself letting go.

Mr. D and I got home from a really nice lunch with a friend.  We relaxed a while then we decided to watch a movie.  While we were watching the movie, Mr. D got out his laptop and said, “Show me the porn you watch.”  I think he wanted to see what got me hot, what I watch if I’m at home and want to masturbate.  I had shown him my all-time favorite scene the day before, a super-hot school girl being confronted by a Professor scene…yummy.  So, with that one used up, I didn’t have many other stellar choices.  I only have a couple go-to scenes.  The first one I picked on this day was very intense.  It was a woman who was a slave of the man who was filming her.  Some parts of it have aspects I don’t like.  The parts I like involve her being verbally dominated by the man and that she gets so worked up she squirts.  Why is squirting hot?  I have no idea, but it is.  This one is hot to me because of how she talks and how she gets herself worked up in that moment.

The second piece of porn was one that is fun.  It starts with two women porn stars talking.  One is interviewing the other.   They talk so matter-of-fact about porn and loving women’s bodies including each other’s.  They are hot, cute and funny all at once.  Then they play with each other…also quite sexy.  While watching this we starting talking.  Partly, I clarified why I liked each film and partly he questioned me about certain likes and dislikes.  He asked about my past with women.  I have very little experience with sex with women.  I still wonder if I am into them or not.  I absolutely love lesbian porn and during hetero porn I usually watch the woman.  I love breasts….watching them bounce, how they look, how they feel.  So, while we were talking Mr. D took my hand and put it on his erection through his pants.

He said, “We watch porn and I’m not aroused but I look at you and I’m hard.”

That’s a comment that’ll make any woman warm to her toes, honestly!  I just love this man.  He makes me so tingly all over with his words and how he looks at me.  I leaned over to kiss him.  Then we began to kiss with earnest passion while my hand still held his erection.  In the back of my mind, though, I was thinking that we’d already had sex several times this weekend and my pussy was sore.  Now, here we were starting up again.  What to do.  This thought bubble was over my head, while we were kissing. Clearly, he noticed me pull back imperceptibly.  He began to suck my tongue deeply into his mouth.  He was clearly having none of my vacillation. He sucked so hard that my tongue was trapped in his mouth and damn it hurt.  I began to breathe harder while I was dealing with the pain of that even in the midst of our passion.

He finally released me and told me to stand in front of him.  I stood and he said, “Take off your clothes.”  I felt love drunk from the kisses and the way he looked at me.  The tone in his voice began to strum a chord deep inside my chest.  I could tell that he meant business.  He was very firm in his manner and command.  He spread his knees to make a free spot on the carpet. “Kneel.”  I knelt between his legs right up against the couch where he sat.

“Hands behind your back.” I laced my fingers together behind my back to make sure my hands stayed there.  Now, here is where my mind gets a little fuzzy.  Subspace does that, I’m learning.  I think he took my hair in his hand and kissed me hard again.  Then, he pushed my face down into his lap so that I would suck his cock.  I love doing that.  I’m still working on getting him in my throat.  He is so big and it’s still new to me.  I sucked him the best I could with my hands behind my back.  I think he helped me by guiding me with his hand gripped in my hair at the base of my head.  At some point, he pushed me back up to a kneeling position.

“You’re my good little slut, aren’t you?”  He asked.

“Yes, Daddy.”  I breathed.

“No talking.” I gasped a little and said, “Okay.” Still not getting the ‘no talking’ part.  This was so foreign.  Mr. D loves me talking to him.  He usually demands and requests that I talk to him during sex.  So, I was at a loss with this new turn of events.  I tried.  Truly, I did.

“Spread your legs.” I moved my knees open while still kneeling, not an easy thing without your hands to steady yourself. Mr. D rubbed my clit hard and then pushed his fingers inside me.

Changing tactics, he pushed me back down on his cock.  Mr. D forced my lips up and down his shaft a couple times then pushed me back up. His fingers stroked my pussy and then pushed inside me. He fucked me with his fingers until I was moaning and wet all over his hand. Then he pulled me close for another damaging kiss. My tongue was throbbing from the torturous kisses, my pussy was throbbing from his invading fingers and my mind was only focused on him. He was so firm, so forceful. I could barely breathe. Every ounce of my heart and soul were concentrated on him, making sure I followed every word, every command.

“You are mine. Do you hear me? You’re my slut, aren’t you?” I nodded, but I must have said something because he immediately said, “No talking!” again. I was beside myself. My stomach muscles clenched and I was mortified that I hadn’t done right. In that moment, I felt like my world would end if I didn’t please him fully.

He had me kneel up straight again. His fingers plundered my nether regions again. I could hear my own moans as if they were disconnected from me. He caressed my breasts and sucked on my nipples. Mr. D had me hold my breasts up so that he savor them.

He said, “Take hold of a nipple in each hand.” He showed me how he wanted me to grip them. With my thumb and forefinger, I gripped one nipple around the areola and then did the same to the other. He had me pull tightly and raise my breasts off my body and into the air by the nipples. It hurt but not immensely so. Then he began to spank my breasts. First one and then the other. It stung so intensely and also increased the pain elicited by my own hands holding them aloft. I know I cried out. I couldn’t beg him because I wasn’t allowed to speak. I think this was punishment for speaking the second time. I’m not sure. All I knew in that moment was he was being so forceful and I felt that any moment I was going to fail him.

After only a few slaps he stopped. He indicated that I could let my breasts down. “Get up.” He said. I rose on very wobbly feet and turned around as asked. He had me grab the couch arm for support and lower myself down on his cock. I was facing away from him and lowered myself onto him. He filled me so full and I could feel the discomfort from having been used several times already during the weekend. I tried to raise myself up again to begin moving on his shaft but my legs were completely spent from kneeling. I could barely move. He noticed I was having trouble and let me up. He rose and sat me on the edge of the couch. I leaned back and he mounted me from above. It’s remarkable that even after I’m sore down there it only takes the right movement, the right amount of passion and everything is just fine again. It’s like my insides heal because of the level of arousal. I have never experienced that before.

Afterwards, he cradled me on his chest curled up beside him on the couch. I held onto him like a dinghy lashed to the side of a ship. I felt my breathing slowly return. I felt myself ‘come down’, if that makes any sense. It was as if I was in some alternate state while I was under his command. That’s really the only way I can describe it. He held me and talked to me until I was mostly back to normal. Though, I remember Mr. D looking down at me at that point and saying, “Wow, look at your eyes, you’re still out there.” I’m not sure what they looked like in that state but apparently it was obvious to him.

Thinking back now, I am sure this was our most intense and deepest power exchange yet. I was completely under his control. I had no ability to do something other than he asked. I don’t really know what would have had to happen to snap me out of it enough to use a safe word if I needed to use one of mine. I suppose if it had gotten that far I would have found out. But it wasn’t that he did anything very dangerous or very painful. It was just the level of control he had and the force with which he exerted it. I do know now that I trust him to send me to great heights and to catch me on the way down. I trust him completely and can’t wait to be in his power again.