Mr. D and I are continuing to progress in our power exchange. I know Mr. D is going easy on me because of my current day-to-day life struggles and doesn’t want to push me over much. I still ache to strain against the boundaries and push the envelope but there just has not been the devoted time we need together for those things to happen. Heavy sigh. Mr. D pointed out to me the other day that I am not patient. Ask me to help you, I am the epitome of patience. Make mistakes around me, you’ll find I’m very tolerant and I do my best to be understanding and gracious. I am highly flawed, I try not to judge others if I can help it. But with things I want, in relation to myself…progress, building my character, wanting Mr. D buried inside me…stuff like that, I’m horribly impatient. So, in regards to waiting patiently for Mr. D to ramp up our play…sooooo impatient…having difficulty….want to be a pushy, little, topping-from-the-bottom submissive. Ugh. But, I’ll be good. I can do it. I can give up my control…I think.
The other night I was reading a blog post about rituals and protocols. Forgive me dear, blogging friend, but I can’t remember who you are. Knock me on the head with a reminder, will you, and I’ll post a link back. His post got me thinking about rituals and protocols. To me, with my limited knowledge, they seem to be just the thing to help deepen the connection and the power exchange between a D/s couple. I have only dealt with protocols and rituals in an online D/s relationship before now. The Dominant I served made me sit at my desk, back straight, away from the back of the chair, legs together, and ankles touching for long minutes at a time. It served to calm me. It served to allow me to feel the presence of Another in control of me. It was something I desperately needed at the time while my marriage fell apart, my house went into foreclosure and my life turned upside down. Some days it was the only sanity I found. It showed me that not every man was domineering, angry and mean. It showed me what I truly wanted, a Dominant man who knew what I needed and took what I gave without destroying me in the process. It was a very tempering lesson at the time.
After reading about rituals and protocols, I asked Mr. D if there was something in that respect I might do for him to deepen our connection. We talked about it in text. Just talking about it got us both so incredibly turned on. At the end of the conversation, Mr. D gave me a ritual I must perform each time I arrive at his home. I am to arrive, say hello to everyone there, be cordial then politely excuse myself to the bedroom where I am to kneel with my hands behind my back and await his pleasure and greeting.
I have had a day or two to think about performing this ritual. I am very pleased to have a way to honor his Dominance over me and to show in a physical way that respect. As I’ve lain in bed each night I’ve thought about how I would kneel, how it would feel. Would my knees get tired? Can I get down and back up with grace? I have rheumatoid arthritis which has affected my wrists. Thankfully, it is well managed with meds but the old damage makes my wrists inflexible. I thought, I’ll have to practice this beforehand. Overthink, much?
The only time he’s requested me at his feet before was when he presented me with our D/s contract and asked if I would agree to follow it. It was a beautiful moment. Afterwards, I did not rise very gracefully and actually broke my shoe. As a result I ended up wearing flip flops to a nightclub that night. I don’t want a reenactment of that clumsiness to be my offering.
I’m very excited to begin this new part of our journey.