Pain

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Do you like your submission with a dose of pain?  What does the pain do to put us into sub space?  Does it send you flying or does it bring you fully back to earth?  I think the answer is different for each person.

Mr. D and I talked a little about letting go last night.  About what I meant by wanting to let go in the Skirting the Edge post.  I have a twofold answer to the question of how I’d like to let go.  First, I’d like to experience emotional letting go.  To communicate more freely, to not worry about what is going on in the other person’s head so much, but to honestly communicate and let the chips fall where they may.  Part of this means letting loose verbally and also in action during a scene.  What is it that would allow me to do that?  Is it only permission I need?  Or is it something inside me that needs to change?  I believe to it is both. 

When I need to communicate about something difficult, live and in person, I find myself freezing up.  I feel the silence lengthening and suffocating me from all sides.  It is as if I’m in a bubble of viscous clouds and the more I punch at it the further the edges retreat and the more alone I am inside.  But it is only me doing that.  It is so frustrating.  There is a crucial build up of discomfort in that state and eventually it is more painful not to talk than to face it.  But why go through that turmoil?  I’m still working on that one. 

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

I emulate this quote more now that I’m in the midst of the discovery, finally.  Now that I have a taste of what is possible, I will not go back in that damned bud.  Not for nothing.

The other letting go, the part having to do with the pain is something different.  I haven’t gone there yet, but I have this thought about catharsis that leads me towards pain as an answer.  I think that if I were brought to a place with pain, a place where my psyche was overwhelmed by the sensation of the pain, that I would let go emotionally.  That I would then be able to drop all the multitudes of thought and refuse that floats around in my mind and be allowed to just experience the sensation and feelings.  That is how I think about sub-space.  Am I right about that?  I’m not sure.

I do know Mr. D has brought me to that place through some of the things he’s done and not necessarily through pain.  So, perhaps I’m off base.  I don’t know.  But I feel a need to explore this lifestyle, to explore my feelings through it, to push the envelope.  I’m very fortunate to have found Mr. D to walk with on this path.

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4 thoughts on “Pain

  1. steelclad

    Pain allows one to focus.
    The focus allows clarity. Brief moments of questioning only come between blows if per say it is a beating one is taking. As in, ‘can I take another’. Pain is not bland nor generic, it is right to the point. Ones mind knows exactly where it is at. The body via the brain tries to escape to end the pain and begins its own attack on the pain site then heals it. Prolonged continuous pain such a clamps to the skin or body parts tends to escalate then ease then escalate then ease sending wave after wave of unending torment. The body as well attacks the site and swells with fluid to ease the tortured areas.
    Pain in stamina is usually the agonizing part, in which one is bound and the body wants to move or allow blood flow and such. This sort of pain leaves one begging for relief.

    Yet, it is the pain of emotion with-in the physical pain that cast either doubt or bliss.
    Again, pain allows one to focus and you will find out real quick how focused you can be or you will find out how easily you will give up.

    Pain can be had with tolerance and one can build into a crescendo of bliss with in thudding pain or soft to hard intensity growth of the physical pain.
    Stingy pain such as wood canes or paddles tend to leave us wanting to escape and or to never feel that pain again. Stingy pain is great for punishments.
    Thuddy beating pain is great for building a wave of bliss and the feeling that you can take more and more.

    Again, you will find pain allows you to focus.

    Smiles…

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts. You have an intuitive grasp of the feelings and thoughts involved. When you described the stingy pain…Yes! That’s exactly it. I wanted to run from that so badly. The thuddy kind I just wanted more and for it to rise in intensity. It was quite different.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, I enjoyed your thoughts very much.

  2. For me, pain doesn’t have to be a part of this. I don’t go in for being spanked, pinched, or anything that brings pain on purpose. Maybe it has to do with my Father using the belt on our bare bottoms as a child. Or maybe because my first husband would pinch my nipples and the more I pulled away the harder he pinched them or that he’d pull back my long natural nails to break them. That was abuse and I’m not into being abused nor into abusing another person or animal. A slight grab to my arm by my brother would leave a good red mark that could get him in trouble for worse than it really was. To me submission doesn’t mean allowing myself to be abused.

    1. I can understand how the pain. in your situation, is bad and wrong. Abuse is something altogether different and will serve to simply hurt you. I’m sorry you had to endure that type of treatment from loved ones. That should never be the case.

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