I am on a vacation with limited connectivity but I’ve had time to write, that has been very nice. I’ve been away from my Love and will see him tomorrow. I’m giddy knowing I’ll see him soon. I wanted to write about the weekend of the violet wand and what we had done and experienced afterwards. I was too busy the week following to write it down. But, then we had a hiccup from the last post. You see, my main emphasis in writing this blog is to give me a place to process my experiences and feelings about them and to give Mr. D an avenue inside his girl. I’ve never had a relationship like this. I need to communicate more and it seems that writing has allowed me a deeper way of doing that.
So, my last post, about how we slipped over the edge and I experienced some negative feelings really brought some things home for both myself and Mr. D. Instead of writing more for you, dear anonymous reader, I ended up writing and talking to Mr. D in email about what happened. I suddenly wished that I was not on this vacation and that I was there with him. One conversation in his arms ended up being 4-5 emails back and forth. That kind of communication is not as easy. It is so much easier in person.
The culmination of those emails is that he cares for me very much and it is not okay for me to bear those feelings the way I did. I need to speak the hell up and let him know where I’m at if that happens again. It’s not fair for me to keep that to myself. He cares too much to let me feel that way and I care too much in exchange to keep it from him. Also, perhaps we’ll join a D/s support group in the area. Blogging is cathartic for me but until some of my readers choose to give some feedback it’s not much for reciprocal information. I think talking to others in the lifestyle would benefit us. We are both now in uncharted territory, which is exciting but also a little unsettling when something unexpected happens.