Letting Loose

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Last night was a night out for myself and Mr. D. He bought tickets for us and another couple to attend a costume party at a local dungeon. He is new to the area and had not been to any of the dungeons here. I have only been to one as a guest to see what it was like. This one that we visited last night is a very nice club as well as a dungeon. The equipment and the ambiance was very nice, very professional and classy compared to the one I had visited before. We had some drinks and watched a couple performances. One was a woman who tied her partner in suspension ropes. She then used a Taser on his privates. Ouch! You should have seen him jump in the ropes. I don’t know if it’s true but it seems like female dominants can be more ruthless than the men I’ve seen. I’ll have to think about what the difference is, perhaps it’s because the only woman who took a paddle to me did it with full gusto and just laughed when it caused me pain and made me jump.   The second scene was more an act. The theme of the party we attended was Disney Destructed. So, the guests were in costume and the act we watched was a Cinderella and the Wicked Witch act. I enjoyed the flogging but the acting part went a bit long.

It was fun dressing up, Mr. D wore a sinful Pirate costume. I was a slutty Minnie Mouse. I had planned to be Minnie Mouse road kill. I was going to paint tire dreads across my arms and bosom, like I got run over. I’m so glad I didn’t do that. As it was, a half hour into the evening, my makeup painted nose ended up smeared across my cheek and Mr. D’s nose. I can’t keep my lips off that man!

The best part of the time at the dungeon was when I played with Mr. D. He took me into one of the more private rooms. There was a leather padded wall on one side of the room. He pushed me up against this wall and his hand traveled up my thigh under my skirt. He pushed my skirt up and had me bend over a bit. With my full ass, my skirt stayed hiked up where he pushed it. He also bared my back and unhooked my bra. Mr. D had brought his flogger and a paddle. The flogger, I absolutely love. It is the thuddy kind and he knows how to wield it very well. The paddle, well, I already have a love hate relationship with that stingy thing. I am learning that I can stand thuddy for much longer than I can the stinging bite of that paddle. Mr. D flogged my back and buttocks and thighs. I was very excited to be under Mr. D’s power and feeling the sensations of his ministrations in a public setting. While he was flogging me, people ducked in and then left seeing that the room was occupied. It heightened everything for me. When he started using the paddle, I really had to grit my teeth and feel the pain of the sting bite into my ass. I so want to please my Daddy. I want to take as much as I possibly can. I danced around and Mr. D told me to grab the sides of the wall padding to bear down into the pain. I wanted to run from it. Afterwards, when Mr. D and I were talking about the scene, he said he loved watching me dance around and try to escape that wicked little paddle. I’m sure he got an eye full of the fishnet stockings and high heels I was wearing with my costume. It got me so hot to dress sexy for him.

Finally, when I didn’t feel I could take it anymore I whimpered, “Daddy, stop, oh please stop.” Daddy was good to me and stopped then. He said it was our first time in public and he wants to take things slowly with me. Funny, in the moment I was at once so grateful and also a bit let down. I really seem to want Mr. D to push my boundaries. I’m glad he’s so wise and wants to take appropriate steps into this process. I feel very safe traveling this path with him.

A few minutes later, after we joined our friends, he asked me if I was okay. I let him know I was. I seem to go into myself sometimes after we play at something new. I was taking inventory of my feelings on what had transpired. I hadn’t called my safe word but he chose to stop when I begged for him to stop. Part of me really wanted him to stop. Part of me didn’t want him to stop at all.

I am usually quiet and not much of a dramatic person. I typically don’t like overly emotional or dramatic outbursts. I have taken care of too many people in my life that didn’t have any control over their emotions. The flip side of that dynamic is that I have become less demonstrative with my own emotions. You could almost call me a stoic. The alcoholic/co-dependent dynamic I ended up a part of only worsened my usual bent toward dampened emotions. Since healing myself from that destructive relationship and growing in myself, I have become more comfortable with my own emotions. I have thought about it and I would like to use our D/s play to further that healing. When he was beating me with that paddle, I really wanted to let loose with my feelings and actions. Mr. D is so caring and I felt that doing that without us talking about it would not really be fair. We haven’t been together that long but he already clearly reads me. I think this is something that we’ll grow into over time.   I truly want him to push me past my current limits. I could be wrong and this may be crossing into dangerous territory but some part of me really wants to explore this and I think there is something to be learned from the exploration.

The final piece of the puzzle is that when I had visited the first dungeon many years ago, I had watched a Daddy/baby girl couple play. She was intoxicating to watch. He beat the hell out of her with all sorts of implements. He even used horse curry combs and brought blood out. But I was completely mesmerized by her cries and her little girl femininity. In that pain, in that moment, she was utterly mesmerizing. There’s something about that draws me. 

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