Baby Steps

Writing in the land of missing him has seemed insurmountable. But I must.  Everyday I don’t speak is another day that I’m not connected to myself and to him. 

I heard a lyric this morning that reminds me of how he makes me feel.  There is an unquenchable heat between us.  He lights a fire I knew was there but never had any kindling or oxygen.  

I wanted to share the song with you.  Two weeks until he’s in my arms for a glorious week of time.  My life is measured now in time.  The time until he’s with me. 

Click Here to Listen

Stop and Start

That’s me, the queen of stopping and starting again.   I suppose (so, I tell myself) that dedication does not always come in a long unbroken chain.  We all have fits of downtime, hard time, or breaks in our stride.  Clearly many more are better than I am but I pride myself on (at the very least) my dedication to beginning again. 

So, here I am for the long haul.  I’m dedicated to writing.  I’m dedicated to my Dominant.  I’m dedicated to my son and my family.  Now, what am I going to do?

What I’m going to do has been the paramount question on my mind for months now.  My son’s life is here, my Sweetheart is now in Texas.  What do I do?  When I ask for others opinions, I get them.  But really I get that person’s point of view.  They don’t quite  understand how I am so the help doesn’t seem useful.  I dearly love them all for trying.  But bottom line, I will have to make a decision and no matter which way I go, it will break someone’s heart. 

My Daddy wants me with him and I want to be with him to have our amazing life together.  But to do that I must take my son away from all he’s known and his father.  How can I choose?

Several people say, just take your son, your Ex will just have to deal with it.  That feels so crass and heartless.  The words make me recoil.  Just because he’s an Ex and he did some pretty crappy things while being an active drunk doesn’t mean it’s ok to take his son away.  He got sober.  He’s been sober for years now.  He’s a completely dedicated father.  He is selfish and lacks insight when dealing with his son but is that just cause to lose his son’s proximity?

My Daddy is in Texas now.  He chose a position that will free him from his financial bonds.  It has allowed him to make up a huge chunk of ground he lost during the recession.  He wants financial stability for our future instead of a long struggle.  I totally understand that.  We can buy a house there, a nice house for all of us.

I want to be with him always.  I can’t think of missing him too much or I start crying and I can’t lose myself to that.  I’ve never loved someone like this before.  In all honesty, I loved my Ex but nothing like this.  Daddy and I have a connection unlike any I’ve ever felt.  He compliments me, the real me, like no other.  He is so intelligent he puts me to shame sometimes.  I love our banter.  I love that he picks up on things others do not.  He is funny and lighthearted then dark and intensely sexual. All the facets of him feed the facets in my heart and soul.  He loves my son for who he is.  My son has challenges and is deeply into his puberty at the moment but Daddy sees his goodness and overlooks his growing pains.  

When Daddy moved in we were able to grow in the direction of a nuclear family.  We achieved a routine of sorts in the short time we had together.  Family dinners most nights, playing games, the little things of a complete life. My son was so enamored of it.  So was I.  We were a complete family together.  Our D/s suffered in the transition but I knew we’d eventually figure that out.  We are both focused on not letting that ever slip away. 

Now I must choose.  How do I choose?  Either way my son suffers.  If I stay, he loses out on a nuclear family.  If I go, he will be distanced from his father and will most likely have to go through a legal battle which (knowing his father’s slowness to forgive) could stain their relationship forever. 

Daddy says he will wait for me no matter what it takes.  His level of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice rival any submissive act I could ever offer him.  How can I ask this beautiful man to wait years for me?  

So, there is my torture with all my angst and anxiety.  I have laid myself bare.  Any thoughts you have for us would be welcome.  

Flood – Erotica

After dinner, Andrea finished up dishes and stepped into the shower. She could hear the TV in the other room. Her duties were done and she happily let the water course over her body, washing away the tension of the day. 

Slipping on a nightshirt, she sat in front of the computer. She loved this time of night when everyone was relaxed or asleep and she could just browse emails or read articles. It was her time.

John’s deep voice startled her from the door of the room. “My girl, I have a task for you.” 

His command was soft though Andrea knew there wasn’t a possibility of her saying no. “Yes, my Master.” Her heart beat hard and rapid at the uttering of this phrase. 

 “Come, kneel here on the carpet. Table for me sweetie.”

She walked over to him and knelt. Andrea’s hands touched the floor, lifting her back flat as a table for him. Kneeling there at his feet, she felt very vulnerable and exposed. Her nightshirt bloused out from her breasts as they hung freely. Her round ass was fully visible. As he circled her, she spread her legs as she knew he’d want her to do. Arching her back slightly, her sex was exposed for him.

“Touch yourself girl.” Her heart beat faster as she obeyed. Shifting her weight to one hand, she reached the other back to her sex. Her fingers rubbed the tiny nub of her clit. She felt it throb under her fingers as they moved. 

“I want you to come for me doll.” Lowering her head, her long hair grazed the carpet and caressed her shaking arm. Her weight held by one arm was going to take its toll.

Working her fingers faster on her clit, Andrea panted from the exertion of holding the pose and from her body’s reaction. Holding her breath, she bucked as she felt the first waves of her orgasm roll over her. A light sheen of sweat beaded on her forehead, her cheeks flushed from her ecstasy as she looked up to him.

 “Mmm, nicely done, my girl. Now, strip for me.” Her face a mask of obedience, she stripped off her night shirt and stayed kneeling there until he returned with a bit which he put between her teeth. In his hands, were clamps which he tightened on her nipples. The fire and the pain of the clamps burned through her, making her whimper against the bit in her mouth. She wouldn’t let her pain get the best of her.  Thankfully, the warmth was beginning to spread through her body from her fiery nipples.

With flogger in hand, John indicated that she stand up. With her hands clasped behind her, she stood before him. The falls of the flogger caressed her breasts and chest. At first the sensation was teasing and offered some distraction from the pinching on her nipples. This did not last. The whipping began in earnest and she bit into the wooden dowel in her teeth. The sting of each fall barely had time to mellow before she felt the sting begin on her other breast. Each time the falls happened to strike her tortured nipples she would jump and had to resist backing up from him.

Finally, John stopped after they were both panting and flushed. Her breasts and nipples were on fire; her loins were also on fire from the sensations washing over her. 

“Back on your knees my pet. I want another orgasm from you now. Give it to me.” Kneeling by the bed, she felt his hand gently on her back pushing her chest down onto the soft comforter. Any other time, she would have loved the restful position but this time it only caused her to feel the hot licking pain in her nipples even more.

She spread her knees wide and reached her fingers down to touch her throbbing pussy. Heat emanated from her sodden lips as her fingers caressed up and down her pink inner walls. As her fingers touched her swollen clit she came almost immediately. The throbbing intensified as moans escaped her.

Completely spent and sore, she looked up to her beloved and was greeted with a sight that made her heart sink. His eyes were twinkling with pleasure and mischievousness at the same time. In his hand was a dildo. In his eyes was a command.

Taking a minute to digest the expectation, she rose on shaky legs before him. “Yes, my Master.” As he removed the nipple clamps she cried out in pain as the blood rushed back to the damaged area, the pain of it bringing back the whipping all over again.

Pushing her back on the bed, she stretched out before him and took the dildo in her hand. Looking up into his eyes, she found the desire there strong and fervent. A moment before, she had no idea where she would find the strength or impetus to perform any further. 

Now, with his pleasure surrounding her, Andrea succumbed without further prodding. Opening her thighs wide, she placed the dildo at the entrance of her bright pink pussy. All the sensations of the two orgasms she already had this evening came rushing back to her. As she arched her back, she pushed the dildo deep inside her. Her aching breasts pushed into the air, dancing before him. Her knees shook and her hand worked faster and faster, filling her deeply with each thrust of the dildo. Whimpering her pleasure, her eyes never left his. She wanted this more for him now than for her. She was a woman unleashed in her ecstasy lying before him, giving all her passion to him. 

Unable to hold out any longer, she writhed on the bed. Her hand cupped her sex holding the device completely sheathed inside her. Her eyes smoldered as they met his. He nodded and she came hard. Pulling the dildo free she let loose the flood.

Implements of Torture

To christen our new home in a new state I wanted to get Daddy something special, something to enhance our D/s lifestyle. We had seen a beautiful Bison flogger together when we chose my collar.  I had thought about it many times since then and he had mentioned it too. So, that is what I chose for him.  

While I was on the Stockroom website I looked around at other things too.  I found a beautifully made tawse.  I was so excited to find it.  Tawses are old school implements that teachers in England and Scotland used to discipline children.  They are usually made from one single piece of leather with a handle.  The long slapper is split down the middle and looks something like a tuning fork in shape. The split is supposed to give it a distinctive sting.  This one has a handsome pattern stamped on the handle.  It is very nice, very quality-made.  

Tawse from Stockroom

Daddy asked me to look around in Scotland when I was there for a tawse.  I never found one.  I researched them and found out that they stopped using them in schools decades ago.  So, I was doubly excited to be able to fulfill this desire.  

The Bison leather made the new flogger quite a bit heavier than his cowhide floggers.  It also has a smooth and shapely Granadillo wood handle. I loved the feel of it and really hoped he liked using it.  When we got to the house and unpacked I tucked both toys under my side of the bed for the right time to give them to him.  

Bison Flogger from Stockroom

Monday came and after our errands and lunch Daddy said he wanted to beat me.  “Is that alright with you?” He asked.

“That sounds perfect to me Daddy.”  He knows I will never turn down play time.  It is my absolute favorite pastime. 

I knelt on the floor on my side of the bed at his feet.  “I have a surprise for you Daddy.  I wanted to give you something to celebrate the beginning of our life here in this new place.”  I brought out the flogger first and then the tawse.  

He was very pleased with both of his gifts. “Thank you very much baby girl.  If you want to play now, go present yourself.”  I rose from his feet and went into the spanking room.

(I have no affiliation to the Stockroom.  I’m just a happy customer.  I hope by linking to their site that they will be okay with me showing you their pictures.)

Daddy’s Not Here

We were fucking.  More accurately, he was fucking me.  We had played, I had come for him, now he was having his.  His cock stretched me wide with each thrust.  The first thrust stung.  Our first night back together we had slipped and I had torn a little.  I could feel it still. 

I knew the pain would disappear if I got past the stingy beginning.  Once he was in and my pussy swelled, I would only feel the pleasure. Liking pain, at least in the sexual arena, is helpful in some situations. 

He sped up and fucked me hard and fast.  We had been at it a while.  He wasn’t going over the edge. This was going to take something more.

“Slut, you are going to make me come. This is your job, figure it out.”  One strokes, two strokes, I had nothing.  I know me, I am a horrible actress.  If something is not my idea, not truly felt from my tiptoes on up through my sex with real passion or in subspace then it rings horribly false.  I knew he’d see right through me. 

As he was fucking me, I had desperately wanted to rub my clit. I hadn’t. I decided that was a real desire, an authentic action.  Maybe something good would come of it. 

I snaked my hand down between us and rubbed my clit.  It felt so good I rubbed it harder.  “Nice, Slut. Keep going.”  He was watching me now.  I felt his heat focusing, I felt my body quicken. I was getting hotter and needy.  Yesssss

Now I could connect with the dirty little slut inside me. She’s always there waiting.  Usually Daddy brings her out but sometimes I can too.

I rocked my hips as he fucked me. I began to lose my grip on reality and only felt him.  “I love your cock in me Daddy.  I need you fucking me. Please keep fucking me.”

Out of nowhere his hand came up and slapped my tits hard.  I whimpered piteously.  The harsh sting expanded out from my nipples.  “No Daddy, please no!” I cried.

He looked down at me all hardness and sin. “Do NOT tell me NO.  Daddy is not here anymore.”

My protective Daddy was gone, sadistic Master had arrived.  He would not put up with any bullshit or back talk. “Yes D-d-daddy…Sir. Yes Sir.” I stammered.  In my state of arousal I had a hard enough time controlling my words but Sir and Master are so rarely used they feel foreign.

He gripped my neck and fucked me with force and heat and intensity.  When he loosened his grip on my neck I gagged my breath back into my throat.  But some evil thought was bouncing around in my oxygen deprived mind. Tell him no.

His hand slapped my tits again. “What slave?” Fuck, he could see every damned thought in my head.

The pain shook that thought away. “Ahhh, it hurts!” I said. By God it stung. 

“You poor thing. You’re mine. I’ll do what I want until you make me come.  What are you?”

“Your slut.” He fucked me continously.

“What else? Keep your hand moving.”  I kept rubbing my clit.

“Your slave.” 

“Yes, my slave but what else are you?”  He was looking for something but what?

It finally occured to me. “Your wife.” I whispered. 

“That’s right. My wife. That makes you mine…mine forever. And you will take what I give you.  You will take my come.”  At that he shuddered and filled me full of his seed. 

Worship

We watched a movie and had lunch.  The apartment had every amenity except a couch.  I was using Daddy’s big chair.  The legs had broken in the move so it was quite a bit lower to the floor but still comfy.  He was sitting in a camping chair next to me.  A very nice camping chair but still not ideal. The dining room table sans legs was propped on a box and made a serviceable coffee table. I told him I loved that set up so much I wanted to permanently cut the legs shorter.

I took our dishes to the kitchen and when I returned he pointed to the floor in front of him.  I sank gracefully to my knees.  I put my arms around his waist and held him for a moment.  

I looked up to him knowing I was here at his feet at his beckoning. “I’m going to answer a few work emails but first you’re going to suck my cock.” I smiled as he pulled down the front of his pants. 

“Do you want to suck my cock slut?” 

“Yes Daddy, I love sucking your cock.”  I do.  There is something so incredible about him allowing me to touch his most sacred part. I want every time I pleasure him to be as amazing as I can make it.  

Sure, I could be crass and say, all men want you to suck their cock.  What’s so amazing?  But why be like that?  It serves no one.  I love to give him pleasure.  I love to have a goal and a challenge.  My challenge is to make every flick of the tongue cause a reaction, every deep throat push deeper, every tongue caress hit the sweet spot.  Otherwise, why bother?  Giving my Dominant pleasure is an honor so I treat it as one.

I was languishing in the feel of him on my tongue.  I was tasting the cleanliness of him.  Aching for a drop of his seed to taste.  This wasn’t a blowjob with a direction.  We were both sated.  This was cock worship.  I could blissfully take my time. 

“Hm, you’re so clean.” I said with a little something in my voice.

“Too clean for my slut?  You want that man musk, do ya?”  He knows me.  I smiled with cock in my mouth and pulled out to answer.

“Well, yeah.  I love me some man musk.  Mm hmm.”  I licked him and chuckled.  I refocused on my task.  I love the girth of him, his cock pushing down my throat, stopping my breath, sucking and working my mouth on him.  

Damn, I was getting turned on. I felt the banter fall away and the heat overtake me.  I looked up to him with a mouthful of cock, eyes glazed with passion. I was struck by the intensity of his steely blue stare.  He was watching me and now he had me captive.  My heart jumped in my chest.  

He pulled me up and kissed me.  The fire between us blazed hot and fierce.  I became nothing more than a cinder in his embrace.  Our kissing drugged me.  I fell into a love-induced trance.  His lips trailed down my chin. He gripped my hair pulling my head back to expose my neck. His lips and teeth blazed a line down my throat. I whimpered and tried to pull away. “Stay.” He said, halting my escape. I trust him but the instinct for survival is undeniably animalistic. The fear rolls over me and I become prey.

His lips at my throat, locked together in mutual torment, he said,”Amazing. You are incredible. Three years later and you still have me rock hard and on fire for you.” His teeth dug into my throat.  
“Daddy…” I entreated. My pussy was throbbing and yet I was about to hyperventilate with fear.  “I want you.”  

“Come with me.” He stood and pulled me to my feet.  I thought we were headed to the bedroom but he led me to the other room.  He opened the door.  It was empty and cold except for the spanking bench  in the middle.

“You are mine. My prize. Present yourself.” He said.  I pulled off my pants and mounted the bench.  I knew what was coming.  All his toys remained packed in the other room.   One hand went to my neck the other my ass.  Gripping the hair at my nape, he spanked my ass twice…then four times in quick succession.  It was hard, it was fast.  The pace matched our pheromone fueled heartbeats.

His fingers pushed into my sex.  God, I wanted him.   The more he spanked me, the more I would do anything to have him.  Damn, I had missed him.   After warming my ass and my pussy he propelled me to the bedroom for a sound fucking. 

Come Slut

I’m not sure how the mood turned but it did.  The smell of sex permeated in minutes.  

I sucked his cock after permission was given.  My tongue, my throat, his silky hard cock.  I was entranced.  I savored every lick, the stretch of my throat, my restricted breathing.

“On your belly, baby girl.” I felt languid from touching him.  I rolled over presenting him my ass, thighs, back.  His hands caressed, his eyes ravished.  I breathed in his pheromones.

The vibe materialized under me.  Pushed up between my thighs. It coaxed and cajoled my sex.  But his words, oh his words, those seduced my mind. “Are you my whore?  Yes, you are.  That’s a good whore.  You’re going to be my good little cum whore and give me what I want.”

His fingers curled into the close hairs at the nape of my neck and pulled my head up.  His teeth grazing the side of my neck as venom dripped from his lips.  “My good slut, feel it, take it.  Give me what I want.  You want to, I know.” 

His hand released the adder’s grip from my neck and pushed my face into the sheets.  His face pushed between my ass cheeks, his tongue assaulted my asshole.  My back arched on its own, opening me to him while vibrations continued their relentless affair under me.

“I should just fuck your ass right now, no warm up, and listen to you whimper.” His finger slid into my tight hole.  He knew how that threat would scare me, excite me. I feared him tearing me, but I ached for him stretching me wide.  Oh, the dichotomy.  My pussy spasmed with every threat. 

His finger fucked my ass.  The intense sensations from ass to clit were turning my soul. Rolling her like swine in slop.  “Dirty girl, you’d like me to take your ass.  You want to be my dirty whore.  Such a good little dirty whore you are.”

He pushed the vibrator up high and tight on my throbbing clit.  I would not take long, I was gone.  Only a dirty slut remained pinned under him. I responded to him now, the frenzy was upon me. “Yes Daddy, I’m your dirty girl, dirty girl. Wicked dirty girl.” I spoke in tongues to my Devil, my captor.

“Yes, my little cum whore, you want to give me your come don’t you?” He spanked me hard, once, twice, thrice, in staccato succession.  “Give it to me.”

My body convulsed, I continued to spew filth as the orgasm tore through my body and mind.  Hot sticky glorious waves of pleasure.  He pushed me down on the vibe knowing I’d want it gone now.  “No, take it, ride it.”  Fuck! Please let it stop, I can’t take it.

I kept coming with his hand pressing me down.  I rode the storm.  My mental ship and all her crew tossed on the churning, roiling tide.  The vibe stopped, it must have.  Breathing became my world.  His warmth and caress my heaven. 

“That’s right.  Good girl.  You did very well.  Such a good girl.” I wrapped myself in him.  His love, his approval.  My bliss.